How are you coping today? #5

I'm sad for lots of reasons, but I'm managing pretty good.

I have started to make a list of reasons why I think people hate me and stay away from me

again, not really a healthy thing to do, but if I wasn't doing that, I'd be here sat here in darkness.

ho ho ****ing ho indeed.

ba humbug

Today had some busy moments but some nice ones too. I bought some treats for a hamper I’m making up for my parents which was fun.

I have been listening to relaxing music and I would listen to my audiobook later.

Today has been a little better. I need sleep, though.

I made my online music therapy appointment today. I miss my therapist, but I've already seen her twice this week, and I think she's out or taking a break for the rest of the week. I probably stress her out. Anyway, I cope by pacing myself, resting intermittently throughout the day, telling myself positive affirmations when I freak out about inspectors coming into my apartment yesterday and me not having the energy to shower afterward - still haven't showered. I figured that my air flow was great, everything was covered with an added layer of plastic, I had my patio door open, I had my air purifiers all going, I changed my clothes when they left, I brought out my clean bed linens to sleep with, and I washed my hands whenever I touched something. I put lotion on my hands periodically, and sometimes I put gloves on them so that they can heal better. I do a lot of self-care.

I stopped 2 of my meds that I had actually asked to be put on thinking they'd help. So it wasn't anything my pdoc told me I needed to be on. One of them did the opposite of what it should have done and the other helped but I had the same issue I had before while being on it. So things were ok today regarding those particular side effects. My anxiety was controlled through a lot of distraction but what I saw of the news this morning wasn't terrible but I did avoid it after the first 5 minutes. My therapists behavior yesterday I havent thought much of. I've never found a place as professional as the office where my transfrence therapist worked and I believe it is because there isnt any other place that exists that is that good and that professional and I've been believing that since 2006. So I'm just going to have to make do with what I have and for the most part be my own support system. Which I feel like I am able to do now that my testosterone is stable. But at this point I am not focusing on what therapy offices are in the area I am kind of more focused on my physical health and what my blood levels will look like when I get them drawn on Monday. I am also seriosuly considering surgery and I just dont have the time to deal with my therapists tomfoolery.

am hating everything. mother just accidentally cracked the pot part of the cooker. Now we might have to replace it. I'm beginning to suspect that some of those damn crockpots are not properly tempered so you're more likely to damage it easily. Plus, now my laptop won't reboot or restart and I'm trying to cope.

I'm not coping very well at this moment, but I've been spending time this morning reading about the higher self. It helped me, & I think it will help me some more later.

Not 100% today. I’m still waiting for an email from my sister; we don’t know each other but are starting to try and build a relationship. It’s only been 12 days since I wrote my second email to her, and the social worker said you both need to take time, but it feels more like a month to me and it’s triggering bad feelings too. I haven’t given up hope but I’m still anxious as hell that I won’t hear anything back. Plus I’m tired from work, which has been pretty relentless lately.
I’m going to find more things to put on eBay and tidy up/organise things, to shift my focus for a while.

@RoxanneToto, I'm sorry your sister isn't answering your email. I hope she does soon. It makes me feel bad because all this year I've been failing to send cards & answer mail, which I used to be so good about. I basically feel overwhelmed by so much & I just can't be like I was before. I keep trying & hoping.

Thank you, @Breaking Dawn. It’s possible she is just really busy right now and I just have to hang in there in the meantime. I’m sorry that you feel bad, but if you’re overwhelmed then that’s understandable. It would just be so much easier if we could see what was going on with each other, right? Lol. I hope things get better for you, too.

I'm doing ok today. I'm drinking iced tea and stuff like crazy but I didnt actually realize until today just how much I've been consuming lately. But I was fine today. A pair of jeans I ordered didn't fit so I just ordered a diffrent size. I didnt stress over the news. I did have a brief conversation with my mom and I voiced my concerns about my therapist because I am very seriosuly considering surgery and my therapist told me that stuff freaks her out. I told my mom I'd like to be supported by everyone if I were to get the surgery done and not have my therapist be uncomfortable about it. The very first thing I asked her when we first met was if she was comfortable around trans people and she said yeah. But then the surgery part makes her uncomfortable? So I'm not sure honestly what to think but I only voiced my concerns to my mom breifly this mlrning I didn't go on all day.

So overall today was good and I was stable.

I'm doing good today. I'm not really staying on top of my eating and I've been drinking a bit too much iced tea. I've also been a bit ranty on here and in real life about my therapist and her behavior. But theres not much I can do I dont think about her. But overall I've been doing ok today.

Ouchy day today, think the humidity affects my aches and pains and it’s been high here today.

It’s been very dark very early here, by 4pm, which I don’t like but it’s not getting me down yet.

I’ve had an okay day, work was okay but I feel
emotionally fragile, maybe it’s because I had a poor nights sleep with pain and also a friend is going through a very rough time and I feel sad for them.

On the plus side I focussed on bed stretches and that helped the pain and hopefully I’ll sleep better tonight.

I'm coping by journaling. Things aren't going well. I'm writing in my journal, my online therapy room and the forum. I'm hoping people respond.

I didnt really eat very well until dinner. So my anxiety was a bit tough. But I stayed on track with my meds and I didnt freak out over my lab work although I was nervous. I guess I coped well.

I had a good day until the evening rolled around. Now I am depressed. I'm thinking I may just go to bed. It's lonely and I have no one to talk to. I feel all alone. it's very depressing. And my cat is crying.

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time, @Deilla. And your kitty, too. I hope things feel a lot better for you soon. Sending you wellness wishes.