advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
NotFit
Junior Member
NotFit has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2021
Location: In my Head
Posts: 23
2 yr Member
1 hugs
given
Default Jan 02, 2022 at 05:04 PM
  #1
I am 40 years old. Unemployed. Have no friends. Have never been in a relationship. I have no emotional support from family. I want to get out and get any job because I have little money left in the bank, but I am germophobic, and still scared of contracting covid-19, and I am not sure how my body would react to it. I am not social. Employers think I cannot do anything. My family blame me for all my problems. When I told my older brother I feel lonely and no one from my siblings asked about me in Christmas, he replied: "You have a huge mental health problem. Go and see a doctor". I know I have some mental health issues, like debilitating depression and anxieties, but saying that "I have a huge mental health problem" was meant as an insult, an equivalent for "you are crazy". A small gesture from my siblings like saying "Merry Christmas" would have made a huge difference in my life. I am usually proactive and say "Merry Christmas" to them, but this year I felt I have failed miserably in life, and all my efforts are not working, and didn't feel like I am in a position to be proactive.
NotFit is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Anonymous40506, AzulOscuro, Discombobulated, downandlonely, Eejya, SprinkL3, WovenGalaxy

advertisement
AzulOscuro
Grand Magnate
 
AzulOscuro's Avatar
AzulOscuro has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,822
8 yr Member
1,748 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 02, 2022 at 07:04 PM
  #2
I’m very sorry, Agent, that you are going trough all this. Sure you feel like a failure, as the black sheep in the family, somehow.

There’s nothing wrong from you with asking or expecting some kind of comprehension from your relatives.
I asure you that your brother doesn’t f@king know how you are feeling or what you are going through. Maybe, some day, he will go throw a bad time and realised how unfair he was with you by being so rude.
I can only explain his attitude with you from his ignorance.

“ You are messing our family up” these were the words from my brother.
I wanted to be under Earth and disappear when I heard these words.

Sure you are much more understanding and sensitive because of your psychological issues and your struggles. I’m sure of it. You would go to your brother and asked: What’s up? How are you doing? I’m here. Count with me.

Well, I tell you. Merry Christmas and I wish a good New Year. How are you doing? What can I do to help you? Tell me how you are feeling.
Is there any possibility that you visit your family doctor to ask for an appointment with a psychiatrist? You deserve some kind of support and begin to treat your illness. I guess you are afraid to go out and expose yourself to these fears but you need your illness to be recognised. Not only because there is the possibility for you to make progress but also because you can’t do it, maybe, your illness may be recognise and the Government can give you an aid or something. Your situation is very tough. So, I ask you for consider yourself. You are valuable and I want you to fight to show it.

__________________
Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits.
Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance.

Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
AzulOscuro is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SprinkL3
 
Thanks for this!
NotFit, SprinkL3, WovenGalaxy
NotFit
Junior Member
NotFit has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2021
Location: In my Head
Posts: 23
2 yr Member
1 hugs
given
Default Jan 02, 2022 at 07:35 PM
  #3
Thanks. Merry Christmas and happy new year.

I am not doing well. I spend my day sleeping and crying. I feel very weak and my self-confidence is nonexistent. I avoid going out for anything but for groceries once a week. A visit to the doctor means I take public transportation. But I am also don't see any help from a psychiatrist. They would probably prescribe some pills to me. I would benefit from the talking though. I feel when I talk I feel better. Sometimes I record messages to send to my family, but once I finished the recording, I'd delete them, because I usually feel better.

That's where family can help me: by talking to me. Not about my problems and telling me you are basically crazy. Just a casual talk and by asking about me. The small things make a difference. But it's easier for them first not to ask, and second when I reach out because I am lonely they tell me go and see a doctor.

I am very disappointed by them. I thought they would at least be understanding about my situation and struggle, but from their talk they outright blame me. I immigrated to a new country, and I have lost myself in the process. I am still not established in the new country and struggle, and I have lost my connections back home. I feel I have lost my identity. I no longer know who I am and where I belong. And to add to all of this, I lost my faith. It was my resort when I felt lonely and down in the past, but now I have no one and nothing to turn to.

Last edited by NotFit; Jan 02, 2022 at 09:08 PM..
NotFit is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Discombobulated, downandlonely, SprinkL3, WovenGalaxy
AzulOscuro
Grand Magnate
 
AzulOscuro's Avatar
AzulOscuro has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,822
8 yr Member
1,748 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 02, 2022 at 07:51 PM
  #4
I understand. You need them. I mean, your relatives. You need a social support net.

You know...just now I’m only asking myself about how hard is your situation but mainly in primary needs. I mean, the fact that it’s not possible for you to work outside home. Don’t you have any aid in this respect?
Because I know the lack of the necessary incomes to survive makes all worse.

I can guess it you spent the day in bed and feeling despair and sad. This is depression when it takes place long term. That’s why I stressed on the idea to see a psychiatrist so you can guess a diagnosis written on a paper.

Is there someone around you that you feel comfortable talking to? Someone you see as more understanding? I tell you because it could be a good step to talk clearly to this person about what you are going through. People use to learn from what they see in others and maybe this especial person might be the key to open doors for other relatives or your siblings.
Do you feel strong enough to talk to this person. If ever he or she exists.

__________________
Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits.
Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance.

Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
AzulOscuro is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Discombobulated, SprinkL3
 
Thanks for this!
NotFit, SprinkL3
NotFit
Junior Member
NotFit has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2021
Location: In my Head
Posts: 23
2 yr Member
1 hugs
given
Default Jan 02, 2022 at 09:25 PM
  #5
I literally have no one to talk to. I was talking to my younger brother whom I thought he was understanding, but as it turned out he is just like the rest of them. Judgmental. I talked to him one day, and in the next day I sent him a message telling him I am in pain and crying, he told me "I talked to you yesterday"!! All my so-called friends and colleagues from school moved on and progressed in life with families and new social circles. Even my PhD supervisor, with whom I spent 4 years as a PhD candidate, no longer responds to me. I sent him an email a couple of days ago to say happy new year, and he didn't reply. It made me feel invisible. Not important.

I want to talk to a psychiatrist. I am trying to find the courage. I guess I am afraid they would judge me with their questions and silence. Or I am afraid to admit I have issues. I feel despair. I have no hope. I don't see what's the point. People my age are married and have children, with stable jobs, cars, and homes.

I was happy in my last job. I wasn't getting paid much, but for me it was enough. But more importantly, I liked the social aspect the job entailed, until the lockdown was enforced. I used to take a shower everyday. Put on clean clothes every day. See and talk to people everyday. Sitting home alone is not good for me. But I am not social to not be alone, and now I am scared of covid-19.
NotFit is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
AzulOscuro, Discombobulated, downandlonely, SprinkL3
SprinkL3
Account Suspended
SprinkL3 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2021
Location: DELETED
Posts: 2,752 (SuperPoster!)
2 yr Member
10.9k hugs
given
Default Jan 02, 2022 at 09:49 PM
  #6
@NotFit - I feel like I can relate to you a lot! I had a couple of PhD supervisors, and I decided to leave and not even go for a doctoral program because of my mental illnesses worsening. I am 47 and still wish to rehabilitate, but I feel that is impossible now because of this pandemic and anti-Asian biases making it even harder for someone like me (middle-aged, Asian, obese, and disabled) to even get into grad school let alone hired after that. I lost my dream. So all I have to show for it is a Bachelor's degree (graduated summa cum laude), a first-authored peer-reviewed paper that went nowhere, my disabilities, my poor figure, my isolation endeavors throughout this pandemic, and a daughter I had placed for adoption years ago - again, because of my disabilities.

I am utterly alone, and I've been judged throughout my life. I even failed at being a parent.

I have no recommendations left anymore (I had a falling out with one mentor and the other mentor retired). I probably have no future either.

I'm afraid of Covid-19, too. I can never attend another brick-and-mortar because my concentration would be on the virus or other pathogens now, in addition to possible anti-Asian hate against me.

The best thing I can do is hold on for the ride of life and see what happens, all the while trying to find support. I have a really good T, whom I see via Zoom only. I've seen her for almost 2 years now via Zoom. I miss seeing her in person, but I don't want either of us to get the virus. She's in her 60s, so I worry about her. I have also made friends with those who went ABD (all but the dissertation), and heard of their struggles with making the decision to drop out of their doctoral programs. I never even went into one; I was only in a post-bacc program. I feel for those who were accepted into a doctoral program but had to leave. I often wonder if there are second chances for any of them to return to a doctoral program in the future. I feel like they might have it the worst than those who decided to not even apply yet.

Please, don't give up though.

You are still relatively young! If you're only 40 years old, you are 7 years my junior, which means you have a lot more life left to live and accomplish your dreams and goals.

To rebuild your recommendation pool, start off first by reinventing you. Find the therapist(s) you need to heal. Take time to explore what your passions in life are, and what direction you can take your newfound purpose in life - perhaps a different field, perhaps an interdisciplinary framework, perhaps the same field but different dissertation and thesis altogether - which would also require new opportunities for research experience, and new referees to help you get back into the PhD track. You can still do it. It will just take a little effort on your part to find a new set of supportive friends and colleagues.

Perhaps if you start a new thread in the education area (I forgot where that's at on these forums", you can post something about a supportive network online for those who dropped out of their PhD programs, or those who never even applied. I'd be interested in joining that, if someone like you led it. There are many of us who are disabled and really wishing we could go to grad school to do things we know our brains are capable of doing, but our emotions and disabilities can't quite handle yet.

I hope you find local support, online video support (where people know their names and faces), as well as support here on these semi-anonymous boards/forums.

Hang in there.

SprinkL3 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Discombobulated, downandlonely
 
Thanks for this!
AzulOscuro, NotFit
AzulOscuro
Grand Magnate
 
AzulOscuro's Avatar
AzulOscuro has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,822
8 yr Member
1,748 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 04, 2022 at 06:05 PM
  #7
Unluckily, the situation we are living in nowadays makes everything harder for most of the people.
Don’t worry about other people’s reactions. I know it’s easier said than is done. But, you have the most precious person that is yourself.
Consider that many people won’t understand and are not gonna react as you would like or need. This happens to all of us. I swear you. And in cases, as yours or mine, or the other people’s cases in these boards, this attitude is gonna be even more apparent. Because, many people don’t know how it feels. Still there are people who don’t consider or understand psychological issues or they are driven by misconceptions. They will understand sooner or later.
At least, you know that here, you are gonna communicate with people who are gonna understand you and don’t judge you under any circumstances. It’s the same that happen with psychiatrists and psychologists. I have a lot of experience with them and I assure you that they are not gonna judge you. They studied for this. They believe psychological illness are so real as physical ones. Much more, many physical problems rooted on psychological causes. They do know all that for sure. They are gonna help you. They are not gonna press you to talk. They are gonna ask you questions and draw your discovering or give advices.
Only, don’t chose a psychoanalyst. There are many possibilities that (s)he stays in silence and taking notes while you speak. But, that’s not happen with the others. On the contrary. They show you techniques to achieve your progress once they catch a glimpse of what you are struggling with.

You can talk with me, too. It will be a pleasure. I say it seriously. Ok? You can count with me.

__________________
Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits.
Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance.

Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
AzulOscuro is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Discombobulated, SprinkL3
 
Thanks for this!
NotFit, SprinkL3
Marie123
Veteran Member
Marie123 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2011
Posts: 574
10 yr Member
29 hugs
given
Default Jan 05, 2022 at 06:53 AM
  #8
I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. Therapy might be very valuable. There is now on-line therapy.
Marie123 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Discombobulated, SprinkL3
 
Thanks for this!
AzulOscuro, NotFit, SprinkL3
SprinkL3
Account Suspended
SprinkL3 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2021
Location: DELETED
Posts: 2,752 (SuperPoster!)
2 yr Member
10.9k hugs
given
Default Jan 05, 2022 at 08:55 AM
  #9
Failed miserably in life
SprinkL3 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
AzulOscuro, Discombobulated, NotFit
Eejya
Member
Eejya has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2020
Location: Earth
Posts: 30
3 yr Member
13 hugs
given
Default Jan 05, 2022 at 01:34 PM
  #10
I'm so sorry NotFit. Sounds like you having a real struggle. I understand, we all need someone, right. Somehow I feel like the festive season is so much more alienating for those of us who don't have the social or family support we need.


Please hang in there. I really hope you can find some therapeutic support. Also wondering whether having a pet might be an option for you? I found 2 cats during the last year, and it's truly been an amazing comfort.


Warm regards

Eejya
Eejya is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SprinkL3
 
Thanks for this!
AzulOscuro, Discombobulated, NotFit, SprinkL3
Discombobulated
Grand Magnate
 
Discombobulated's Avatar
Discombobulated has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 4,642 (SuperPoster!)
3 yr Member
11.5k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 07, 2022 at 01:49 PM
  #11
Hi @NotFit reading through this and thinking about you and sending out good vibes today.

I agree with Azul, often many people just will not understand our situation and feelings, they might show frustration, like you describe, that hurts I know.

Finding help from those who do understand is a good idea, how do you feel about that?
Discombobulated is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SprinkL3
 
Thanks for this!
AzulOscuro, NotFit, SprinkL3
downandlonely
Legendary
 
downandlonely's Avatar
downandlonely has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 10,760 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
10.6k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 08, 2022 at 08:37 AM
  #12
I would look into online therapy. Also, I know of some sites where you can find virtual support groups (via Zoom). It really helps me to talk to others who really understand mental illness. Let me know if you would like me to share the links.

Also, I have some other suggestions if you are in the US. By the way, I am about your age and have also never had a serious relationship.
downandlonely is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SprinkL3
 
Thanks for this!
NotFit, SprinkL3
AzulOscuro
Grand Magnate
 
AzulOscuro's Avatar
AzulOscuro has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,822
8 yr Member
1,748 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 11, 2022 at 04:49 PM
  #13
You see it. You’re not alone with it. Many times the people who are closer to us and don’t know how to respond to our struggles but there are other people who know about this stuff for several reasons and are ready to understand and give you some kind of support.

__________________
Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits.
Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance.

Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
AzulOscuro is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
NotFit
Sohappy
Member
Sohappy Edit
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 131
5 yr Member
79 hugs
given
Default Jan 12, 2022 at 08:13 PM
  #14
Sorry unfit. Can you apply for retail jobs? Those are easy and in demand during the pandemic. I am not social either but they don't know that when they hired me. I pretty much had to write a script and practice for interviews every single day. I has to read it aloud as if it was happening.

Once, you're hired, you're in. Then you're forced to be more social because you have to greet every customer. To be honest, i struggled at the beginning. I was slow and i hated customers. Management was somewhat annoying to me at first. I cried a dozen tears but eventually they changed jobs or left. I did not quit because I hated job hunting and despite all my problems, the store provided me income.
I eventually improved in my job. Just having a little bit of income will give you something to look forward to. Even if they reject you for a job posting, you can apply for another at the same store.
Sohappy is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
NotFit
NotFit
Junior Member
NotFit has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2021
Location: In my Head
Posts: 23
2 yr Member
1 hugs
given
Default Jan 14, 2022 at 12:25 AM
  #15
Thanks everyone for the support and for all the suggestions and sharing. I didn't expect all of this when I posted this negative fact about my life.
NotFit is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Discombobulated, Sohappy
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:48 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.