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Default Apr 14, 2022 at 09:11 AM
  #221
I feel right annoyed at amazon

I was meant to get a delivery on the 9th april, and it is still not here. the delivery tracking tells me nothing, and the seller is being unresponsive

that aside, not eating properly, rested for 5 weeks and fallen way too often, but yeah.... I'm here I guess
 
 
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Default Apr 14, 2022 at 03:30 PM
  #222
I have restricted food today because I wasn't feeling good. And I've taken all my prescribed meds early because of anxiety which means I'm going to be on my zoom therapy appointment completely baked. I'm sure she'll be happy about all this. The only way to save my *** is if I can take a short nap before the appointment. If I can't wake up from the nap then I'll either need to explain myself real good or prepare for possibly going IP.

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Default Apr 15, 2022 at 05:17 AM
  #223
I say it all the time, but showers hurt

that is all
 
 
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Default Apr 15, 2022 at 04:43 PM
  #224
My anxiety was pretty tough today. Probably due to last night and the caffeine I had this morning. I only ate my safe foods but at least I ate. I spent most of the day curled up in a ball reading because of the anxiety. But I don't think that was necessairly a bad way to cope today. I am feeling better now though.

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Default Apr 16, 2022 at 01:13 PM
  #225
My mom, well actually nobody knows just how bad things really are for me. My meds arent working anymore. Its like I'm not even on them anymore. Food doesnt taste good anymore plus I can't eat much in general and my head always hurts and theres just all this anxiety that never stops no matter what I do. It used to be just when the weather was bad. Now its happening when the weather is nice. And my valiums go straight through me. Forget about leaving the house. I can't even go into a gas station for a soda. People who are pushing me to go back to work right now are nuts. I nean, things are bad. Literally nothing brings me joy anymore. At least I'm over my transference therapist or else I'd be off the deep end for sure if I still had thoughts and feelings for her.

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Default Apr 17, 2022 at 01:43 PM
  #226
I was doing great for a number of hours and now I just feel crappy and I feel like I have to put on this happy face because its Easter and I have to wait to eat dinner instead of just eating whatever whenever I feel like it. And I know its going to be super late because dinner is always late when my sister is over. And I just can't ****ing eat dinner after a certain time or I won't eat at all. And I know that sounds super childish but I have this like fear or aversion or OCD or something thats going on where I can only eat during certain time frames and its been getting really intense lately and its really affecting my quality of life and my physical health as well since most of the time if dinner is too late I just say eff it and eat crackers instead.

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Default Apr 18, 2022 at 02:09 PM
  #227
My med management has gotten a lot better these couple days and I can feel my sleep improving as well. But that just makes my physical issues more obvious. Things are tough physically especially at this moment. My tylenol wore off so I just took some more 15 minutes ago. I'm hoping it kicks in. I ate a plain hot dog because I was hungry and hadn't eaten much all day and I'm kind of feeling it now. If I don't eat I'm fine. But its not like I just can't eat.

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Default Apr 20, 2022 at 02:20 PM
  #228
My pain and anxiety are ok today. I'm still not very hungry but I don't feel sick after I do eat. I just feel a little bit tired today mainly. I ate 2 lunchables but the mozzerella in my cheese pizza one went flying because the top was hard to open. I just stared at all that cheese on my bed feeling a bit defeated since I needed those calories. I salvaged what I could of the cheese and it was ok. So far I havent needed any tylenol, my one new med is working. I went out to a couple stores without an issue and even took my time to browse the freezer section looking for something specfic. Normally I am so antsy I want to be in and out. But yeah today wasn't bad.

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Default Apr 21, 2022 at 01:04 PM
  #229
I'm doing good today. I got a lot done today with little anxiety and I did a lot of stuff that would have been hard for me to do even a week ago. I am at this moment a bit concerned I'm getting my moms cold just based on this weird feeling I have in my throat that feels like it could be the start of a sore throat. Thats what my mom had too at first. I'm just trying not to panic right now. But overall today was pretty good physical and mental health wise.

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Default Apr 22, 2022 at 02:23 PM
  #230
I'm trying today but I woke up really anxious so my med management has been kinda screwy. I also didn't balance my calories out well and I had a lot of food that wasn't really good. And I had a couple full calorie drinks. So now I don't have much calories left for dinner and I'm just headachy and tired in general and I don't know if I'm getting what my mom has or if its just a contiunation of the stuff I had earlier this week. I'm also having body image issues and I can't tell if the stuff I'm seeing is legit there or not. I'm losing weight but not at the rate I'd like to and I just feel like I have a lot more to lose and I'm already at a pretty averarge weight for someone my height. Honestly sometimes I just feel burned out from doing my shot every 1.5 weeks and I feel like going to every week is a good idea mental health wise.

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Default Apr 22, 2022 at 06:02 PM
  #231
I been trying to keep myself busy to distract myself from how I had been feeling lately. I am emotionally numb.

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Default Apr 22, 2022 at 06:03 PM
  #232
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mountaindewed View Post
I'm trying today but I haven't felt the greatest and I hate public restrooms. Although I did drink my iced coffee in the car, come home, use the bathroom, then go out on my trip
So I don't know why I was in that much distress.

But I'm doing the best I can under these circumstances.
That is all we can do under the circumstance.

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Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

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Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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Default Apr 22, 2022 at 06:06 PM
  #233
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Originally Posted by Sohappy View Post
It's taking time but I remind myself it's my emotions that I are holding me back. I must resist and not submit. There are lots of things I don't want to do but the sooner and consistent that I do them, the greater my progress will be.
:hug: :grouphug: :yourock: You doing amazingly well. It a great way to have a positive attitude.

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Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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Default Apr 22, 2022 at 06:09 PM
  #234
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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed View Post
I went to the doctor I was told to go to. Although the doctor himself seemed to think I was at the wrong one. He seemed a bit exasperated to see me. But I did the test and I got the antibiotics and I had a brief freak out over things in the car with my mom but I seem to be ok now. Anxiety wise. I'm tired as **** though and I've been sleeping well for a few nights in a row now.
I'm glad that you went to the doctor and you could get some antibiotics. I'm sorry that you were having some anxiety. Take it easy on yourself.

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Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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Default Apr 23, 2022 at 02:30 PM
  #235
I'm doing good. I decided to go back to the full dose doing once a week of my injections instead of the split dose I was on before every 1.5 weeks. Yesterday was miserable so I contacted my doctor yesterday afternoon and once I got the ok around 5 I went ahead right away with the shot. I woke up this morning and felt an an almost huge difference right away with my moods. The only issue is I have been super hungry all day so I've been binge watching TV and drinking flavored iced teas to distract myself from my hunger. I've still been eating though. But its nice not to have an insane amount of anxiety or moodniess.

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Default Apr 24, 2022 at 10:09 AM
  #236
pretty much the same as any other day

I'm not. it's been so long now I forgot what it feels like to cope..

I just finished shouting at an online form for not letting me fill it in
 
 
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Default Apr 24, 2022 at 11:41 AM
  #237
I'm not coping very well & not posting like I want.

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Default Apr 24, 2022 at 02:19 PM
  #238
Drinking some water and writing some notes out to myself about what I think of certain things.

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Default Apr 24, 2022 at 02:38 PM
  #239
I was doing ok all day but I kinda did something I shouldnt have but I didn't actually do it yet. I ordered something I probably shouldnt have but its coming tommorow so I can't use it anyways for another week or so. But anyways I drank a protein drink and it currently isn't agreeing with me and I'm wondering if those are part of why my stomach gets upset a lot. I don't know if they interact with meds at all.

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Default Apr 24, 2022 at 05:26 PM
  #240
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I'm not coping very well & not posting like I want.
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