How are you coping today? #6

I think my blood level may be up for the first time since March. I'm having very specfic symptoms that I haven't had in a long time. I'm super irritable which I haven't been in a long time. I am sweating which I never do even after a workout. I have a headache even though I'm drinking water. And I'm tired even though I slept good last night. I guess its possible the level got jacked up already after going up on my dose just 2 weeks ago. I go for my blood test on January 3rd. Right now my face feels flushed. Another symptom and I just feel meh I guess but my anxiety is finally down.

I’m sorry that you couldn’t meditate sometime it takes time .

A little too angry for my liking

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

It quite possibly.

I been feeling like that all the time.

I feel that way with Elton John I feel awful when I listen to his music for some reason.

Doing okay, I had a day off and got lots of stuff sorted and helped out a relative.

I been cleaning my entertainment center and watching Christmas movies to help me feel just a little better.

Yeah, I think that is why I am noticing it. Anger isn’t a constant with me and yet lately it’s more present.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I've been trying to encourage myself. Failed to follow a plan today, so I'm wishing I'll succeed tomorrow.

Coping by trying to keep calm.

I feel angry all the time.

Sorry <3

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I am sorry Buffy. That's a horribly feeling to endure constantly. To me, it can make me feel powerful at times, and give me energy to burn through. But overall, it's a fire that burns my heart, my body, and my soul.
I have been working on letting go of it with some success. It's uncomfortable, and I feel weaker now than I ever did before. But I also feel more, I even smell more, as my senses are less tied by this this all-consuming emotion.
I wish for both of us, to work through the anger and the underlying fear and sadness (and whatever else there is) and one day live a full day, to be just present with the smells and taste of a beautiful day in spring.

Thank you.

I like to know how your letting go. I think that the anger is making me sick.

I hear you. I wish that I knew how to keep calm.

Watching Christmas movies

It makes me sick, too.
I meditate (though lately, with some difficulty).
I stopped fully submitting my life to my families wishes. I still see them, and I still do things for them, but I do them more on my terms now then ever before. I never visit the worst parts of my family anymore. I don't stay in contact with my cousins who were abused by their primary caregiver when we were all children either...
I do sports. Espacially when I get angry. In the summer, I took my bike out for hours even after work. Once, when I got angry with a collegue, I just took a break and rode my bike for an hour, and then had a slow lunch. I work from at home.
I go to therapy. I tell T about some of the horrible thoughts I have, and still he stays and is my T (though he had a lot of doubts at the beginning and mybe still does).
I wind down, watching old TV shows. Mostly shows I have watched a million times before. No surprises.
I cuddle my stuffed animals and sometimes I talk to them.
I make as sure as I can with my limited influence that my neffew has a good life. It brings me joy when I see him happy. Unless he hits plants! Then I get to explain to him calmly and repeatedly that we don't hurt living creatures. In case he has the same genetic predisposition as I do, I want him to have a strong, secure moral understanding. And of course a happy childhood with healthy boundaries.
I do small things I like. Too rarely as of now, but I'll make more time for those in the future. You know, like food, a book, a movie, a walk, whatever brings me joy.
I am changing careers. My old one didn't really suit me. It burned me out. This one is much better.

The key for me was and is, as they say, baby steps.

I saw a freind today, we exchanged presents and cards