Are my emotions my enemy?

My friend disappointed me in that we both bought expensive art supplies and I thought we could learn to use them together. But once we did our sketches of the same object, I saw she shared her drawings which does not show she was going to paint her drawings. Then I realized she had no intentions of using her supplies until she was good and she did not think of either us should color until we were good. I was upset 😡 but I knew I couldn't get upset with her. I explained to her that sketching doesn't have to be 100% accurate and we have to learn the coloring process as much as the drawing. And she disappointed me in that she was going to use her student paints 🎨 and not the ones we bought. And I didn't understand why she was saying she didn't want to waste her paints. If I had that attitude, I would never use my paints that i just purchased.
I knew I can't blame her. It's her opinion. I don't need to work with anyone. I am mad but the anger is in me in not being strong enough to just do it myself and use the color paints and stop being afraid.

Everything in my life is conflicting. I don't like doing my jobs and feel sick emotionally and can't cope with rude people or being micromanaged and talked down to for not doing tasks exactly as they expect and I don't like doing my tasks. I complain and whine. But in the end then I force myself to work because getting paid because money provides security for me. I hate applying for jobs, so changing jobs is not really an option for me. Quitting would be worse because I need to pay my bills. And I wouldn't go on disability either because it doesn't pay much to be worth it. And I learned the hard way in the past that there is no dream job for me.

I just feel angry but I must resist every bit of my emotions. I can't get angry at people...I know I lose if I reveal my emotions.

And my friend is the best friend I have and she has helped me a lot in other ways. And she is not well physically. Plus she got covid. It still hurts what she said in that my sketches are not good enough...Who cares? If I listen to what she thinks, then I would never use my paints. It will be a waste of money.

I feel ill physically. Too much anxieties and depression and constantly need to hide it. I don't want to lose my job. And I feel foggy, exhausted and weak. Just not feeling well. I need to force myself to even though I want to lie down.

I am tired of denying my emotions but they get me no where if I dwell on them. Thinking about my feelings and problems doesn't produce results or solutions.

My emotions betray me and bring the worse results. 😫 I didn't know that this is what i came to learn. Are my emotions my enemy????. Because if I try to sympathize with myself, I don't get anything done. And if I acted out on my true emotions it damages relationships with people.

I had to learn to repress my emotions because I don't need it to destroy my life as it already had.

Life never pans out the way I want. I pretty much have to accept and appreciate what I have. Or suffer more ill consequences.

They can be. They can be automatic reactions that don't fit into how "society" wants to see things. Makes it harder to think about them more objectively.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sohappy My friend disappointed me in that we both bought expensive art supplies and I thought we could learn to use them together..... Then I realized she had no intentions of using her supplies until she was good..... I explained to her that sketching doesn't have to be 100% accurate and we have to learn the coloring process as much as the drawing. And she disappointed me in that she was going to use her student paints 🎨 and not the ones we bought. And I didn't understand why she was saying she didn't want to waste her paints..... I knew I can't blame her. It's her opinion. I don't need to work with anyone. I am mad but the anger is in me in not being strong enough to just do it myself and use the color paints and stop being afraid. Everything in my life is conflicting..... I can't cope with rude people or being micromanaged and talked down to for not doing tasks exactly as they expect.

Hmmmm, sounds to me like you are doing the micromanaging of your friend when she doesn't do tasks exactly as you expect her to do. She has freedom to choose EXACTLY how she wants to do her art.

Emotions are to be acknowledged but not necessarily acted on. Learning skills to regulate emotions & our responses to them is a section in DBT (Therapy) & very useful because it helps us become less dysfunctional when interfacing with others. Understanding our emotions is IMPORTANT. Understanding how to respond to them is just as important. It took me several years of therapy to actually learn these skills well

This describes some of what is involved in that Emotional Regulation section
http://"https://dbt.tools/emotional_...ion/index.php"

Eskielover, that's not true. I didn't micromanage her.

I didn't mention the initial invitation for her color with me. I told her that I did some sketches and wanted to use the color pencils so badly but I was afraid to use the color pencils by myself but I couldn't find anyone who wanted to color too and she offered to do it with me. And so we set up a time to one picture together. The intention was to color after sketching.

So that was what I was assuming we were going to do. I didn't say I was looking for a drawing partner. And when she didn't even mention using the color pencils and she shaded her drawing, I was confused. But I told her that I was surprised because I thought she was planning to color with me as she offered to. I didn't tell her that she was supposed to do it but why did she mislead me?

Anyhow you don't understand my situation. I have never managed anyone, let alone "micro". She chose the reference picture and she did it her way. And she didn't tell me she wasn't going to color when I clearly told her from the start that I was looking for someone who could color with me.

I was also shocked and kind of upset that she was deciding that both our drawings were not good enough for coloring. She said we should both develop our drawings until we get good. It was insulting to me because I thought my drawings were decent.

Our emotions are all we have to understand what is going on in our lives. It is important to pay attention.

My friend is insisting that I keep drawing when I told her I am done drawing. She can keep drawing if she wants as I didn't tell her she has to color hers. I just want to color my drawings but she keeps telling me to keep drawing. It's strange that she is insisting that when she said she had no rules regarding art.

I accepted she wasn't going to color at the same as me.

But she keeps asking me to show her all my drawings but I refuse because she has said once that both are drawings are not worthy of coloring.

I am trying my best not to care about her opinions and just do what I want with my own supplies and she can do whatever she wants with hers.

She is still my best friend but she is getting irritating regarding this subject. But I am trying best to be polite to her.

Yes it is but emotions are not always logical from ruminating the past or problems overreacting and misunderstanding situations. We can get over anxious and blow up everything in proportion and destroy relationships.

Our negative emotions can cause us to be negative to be around. Often we can stay too long in the negative emotions that it's hard to build positive relationships.

We might also solve our problems with our emotions and that might not always be logical. For example, to feel better from our anxieties in uncomfortable situations, we might become an emotional eater to help us feel better and lead to food dependency.

Our negative emotions can do a lot of damage in relationships, choices we make and preventing us from achieving our goals. For example, we can feel too sad and causes us to lack motivation to do our work and do a decent job.

Our emotions can cause us to ruminate too much which can make us upset, make us forget other things like turn off the stove or misplace our wallets.

That is not to say all emotions are bad. Some emotions are good, such as feeling fear when real danger is approaching and taking the appropriate actions to avoid danger. And happy emotions can helps us feel connected with love ones and help strengthen relationships and create happy moments and memories.
And when you are happier, you can be more positive and be easier to be around.

@Sohappy

I think in a general sense, and going by my own personal observations and experience - yes, emotions can be our so-called 'enemies'. That's if we don't have good emotional coping strategies or coping skills (or meds) or are just completely overwhelmed by the emotions to the point of confusion and chaotic thinking. And I'm mainly referring to the emotion of anger where the possibility of doing harm in one form or another is probably the greatest.

But whether we call our emotions the 'enemy', or 'normal', or some other thing, it doesn't matter. It's still the same.

For me and my mental ill-health, it's all about trying to see my emotions for what they are: how they effect my thought processes, my decision making processes etc., actions etc., and then doing as little harm as humanly possible to the self and to others (and in a broader sense, that could include harm to animals and even to the planet) as well - and just taking it from there. Trying to grow as a person.

We will of course, mess up here and there - everyone does - but as they say: it's a 'journey'. 🙂...🤔

Yes I totally agree but I think it can be hard recognizing for what they were/are. It's scary for that it could a very long time to take some people to "grow as a person" and many might never change and are too stubborn because they think their thinking and feelings are right.

I am feeling tremendous guilt and regret how I allowed my emotions to control my decision making. For example, the rejections I received for applying for jobs were too painful and made me insecure and the rejections I got from other people when asking for help were hurtful that I didn't bother trying anymore because it got too scary and I couldn't get any help. I suffered joblessness. It caused issues with my family who hated me for not working in my field.

It took a lot of time for me to come back and reschool myself in my field because my skills were obsolete. And I had to apply for jobs again and the rejections got too much again. And again, I got rejection from employment agency who told me that I could practice mock interviews on my own and they didn't want to help.

I finally have a job now but it's a constant struggle with no confidence in myself. And being told that I don't know how to behave appropriately by my manager and colleagues. I don't know how to speak up when appropriate and when to stay silent until I have all the information. I feel embarrassed for not knowing.
My job does gets overwhelming and stressful. My job becomes more micromanaged by them as I don't have a lot of confidence and it has to be done their way.

I don't watch TV or movies because it's overwhelming so I realized that my life is mostly centered on my job.

I wanted to try to find a hobby outside work.
I have my one best friend outside of work. I was hoping to do art work together but I had the wrong idea that she was ready to do coloring but she didn't mean now. She didn't make her intentions clear. And I felt embarrassed that I thought we had the same goal and intentions as i told her about my fears about using the art supplies and was looking for someone to do it with.

She wanted to practice drawing which is fine but her remarks and opinions about our drawings not being good enough were starting to make me uncomfortable but she still wants me to show her my drawings which I don't really want to anymore. I don't know how to overcome my lack of interest in drawing and coloring after I spent so much money buying the supplies and I am still buying more because I need paint brushes, etc. I hope I don't just accumulate all the supplies and never use them.

I am tired of myself of not knowing how to relax and calm my emotions and just do my job and my art without obsessing over my emotions that keep overreacting. I know it's my problem.

It's easy for me to 'feel' rejected and it's hard to tell myself to not worry about it. It wasn't really a rejection and just move on.

I hate my emotions and just fight against it and just want to accomplish goals I set up for myself.

Hi @Sohappy. Thanks for your reply.

I feel for you, friend.😔 I totally empathise with you regarding your emotions and how they're impacting your life.😔 I'm a very similar person, to be honest.🙏

My previous post is basically the whole entirety of how I try to deal with it, so it's all I have to share. And I want to tell you to not lose hope, please. You're a nice person, I can tell.

mote.of.soul

I think you're a nice person also. I can relate (I think). Not telling myself to ''just move on'' helps at times. I find that language to be a little bit invalidating. Could therapy help?

Thanks, mountain. I had some counseling but it wasn't really helpful.
And it is hard for me when they leave me. I feel abandoned when they do.

I go to support groups on zoom and I don't feel comfortable but I still try to go and I mostly just listen.

I am just tired of myself from feeling blocked.

With my job, I just try to hold it together but it hurts to be talked down to. Keeping my job is important because I cannot cope not having no or little income. I have been through that before and it was rough...I would feel so worthless.