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Default Jan 21, 2022 at 10:34 PM
  #1
For some reason a few weeks or months ago, some criticism from a old boss surfaced and some days I can’t stop ruminating. I’m always trying to figure out why and why he said what he said. It was hurtful and insulting but also confusing. How does one figure this out? Is there a reason we ruminate? It’s ruining my life on some days and I need to stop and shake this guy out of my brain!

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Default Jan 21, 2022 at 11:00 PM
  #2
I ruminate too. I think some people are just more prone to ruminate. I tend to do it more when I'm alone. Distraction helps me, like doing a crossword puzzle or reading a book. Physical movement also helps - even just doing the dishes. And of course, being around others. You could assign yourself a 20 minute slot each day, just to ruminate. When the time is over, go do other things. Meditation has also helps me focus my mind.
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Default Jan 21, 2022 at 11:16 PM
  #3
I ruminate all the time.I try very hard to divert myself from it.I find crafts very soothing and to be good distractions. They take away focus from ruminations .But I can't do it for long.So I take distracting activities for shorter lengths of time.Some days nothing works. On those days I do not force myself.I just ruminate. If I feel like crying because of bad memories, I just cry.sometimes crying brings relief.
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Default Jan 23, 2022 at 01:08 AM
  #4
Hey @SilverSprings do you have a
Mental health diagnosis?

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Default Jan 23, 2022 at 10:38 PM
  #5
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Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
Hey @SilverSprings do you have a
Mental health diagnosis?

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Yes.: C-PTSD, and BPD, eating disorder.

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Default Jan 23, 2022 at 10:42 PM
  #6
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Originally Posted by Mendingmysoul View Post
I ruminate all the time.I try very hard to divert myself from it.I find crafts very soothing and to be good distractions. They take away focus from ruminations .But I can't do it for long.So I take distracting activities for shorter lengths of time.Some days nothing works. On those days I do not force myself.I just ruminate. If I feel like crying because of bad memories, I just cry.sometimes crying brings relief.
Thanks for saying this. I haven’t cried over this I don’t think but what kills me is I let it go for a long *** time. This happened around 2017. It bugged me at the time and I recall being so stressed at that job and my then therapist was helping me work through this toxic place. I’m mad at myself for staying. I’m mad at myself for not standing up for myself. I’m mad at myself for being whatever he thought I was. Part of thinks I need to forgot him and then maybe I can move on. It hurt me to my core. It was just words but I cared about my job and he made me hella nervous. I would always screw up around him and not find the right words and answers. What the ****! Now it’s back and daily! In the shower and all the time. I need to make it stop it’s like groundhogs day :O

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Default Jan 23, 2022 at 10:43 PM
  #7
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Originally Posted by Mendingmysoul View Post
I ruminate all the time.I try very hard to divert myself from it.I find crafts very soothing and to be good distractions. They take away focus from ruminations .But I can't do it for long.So I take distracting activities for shorter lengths of time.Some days nothing works. On those days I do not force myself.I just ruminate. If I feel like crying because of bad memories, I just cry.sometimes crying brings relief.
Yes distraction is very helpful.
I don’t understand why this just came up. I guess it took awhile to resurface.

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“There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go.”
― Richard Bach

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Default Jan 24, 2022 at 06:18 AM
  #8
People like us will always ruminate, obsess, worrying Ect . Unfortunately it comes with the mental health diagnoses. Bipolar, and other illnesses that are treated with medication means that our brain does not work properly. It’s true, it’s not just about mood or trauma your brain is wired differently which is why medication can be so life-saving for some people.

When I accept that I feel like I can control areas so I schedule a time where I’ll let myself think about whatever it is as much as possible and write down things I think are the solutions etc.
Then I tell myself a certain time where I have to put it away and not worry about it anymore. When you think about it worrying is just a big giant time suck of projecting. If someone can explain to me when worrying ever was a good thing I’d be interested to hear that. Because as far as I’m concerned it’s a useless emotion. Other than the fight or flight risk or your children worrying does nothing but make you uncomfortable. So don’t beat yourself up, allow yourself to go for it as much as you want but set a time when you have to put it away. Even if you have to journal while you’re thinking about it put it in a drawer and don’t think about it anymore. If you have to schedule time every day to do this it’s better Setting aside time to do it versus doing it all day right?

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Default Jan 24, 2022 at 09:32 AM
  #9
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
People like us will always ruminate, obsess, worrying Ect . Unfortunately it comes with the mental health diagnoses. Bipolar, and other illnesses that are treated with medication means that our brain does not work properly. It’s true, it’s not just about mood or trauma your brain is wired differently which is why medication can be so life-saving for some people.

When I accept that I feel like I can control areas so I schedule a time where I’ll let myself think about whatever it is as much as possible and write down things I think are the solutions etc.
Then I tell myself a certain time where I have to put it away and not worry about it anymore. When you think about it worrying is just a big giant time suck of projecting. If someone can explain to me when worrying ever was a good thing I’d be interested to hear that. Because as far as I’m concerned it’s a useless emotion. Other than the fight or flight risk or your children worrying does nothing but make you uncomfortable. So don’t beat yourself up, allow yourself to go for it as much as you want but set a time when you have to put it away. Even if you have to journal while you’re thinking about it put it in a drawer and don’t think about it anymore. If you have to schedule time every day to do this it’s better Setting aside time to do it versus doing it all day right?
These are good ideas. It’s hard bc I am a mom of a 2 year old and I work mostly remotely. I find myself always doubting myself. Should I have sent that email? Do they like me or will they be annoyed by me? Am I spending enough time with my son. Should I be in touch with my family more etc etc. it never ends. This particular worry is more that my character was questioned, and I was harassed. I’m a perfectionist too so I am just setting myself up for misery. I try to start over each day and immediately the thoughts. Maybe my meds need to be tweaked. I wish there was a pill to make you forget….

I will start trying to make some time to journal and share late with my therapist if needed. Thanks again.

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“There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go.”
― Richard Bach

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Default Jan 24, 2022 at 06:54 PM
  #10
The incident with your boss created trauma and is stored in your memory .Some times trauma can be stored in the body as illness.I read it somewhere. Trauma cannot be erased completely if not processed in a proper manner.Therapists help us to process and heal.In your case it resurfaced. It never went away.Something in your present may have triggered it.Please Google ANTs and how to overcome it.There are some excellent ideas from psychologists. See what works for you.You have a 2 year old.Little kids are really handful.Think in this way.Your time is very precious,you have a job and a little kid.When I have other things to do.I say affirmations to myself like these......"I have no time to waste worrying,I have important things to do".Some times these messages keep me grounded and I am able to focus .See,what helps you to get out of your head.Hugs.
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Default Jan 25, 2022 at 08:07 PM
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