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KD1980
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Member Since: Nov 2018
Location: Los Angeles
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#1
CN: Physical abuse, assault, hair pulling, child abuse, various traumas.
I've been haunted lately by something from my past. To give some context, My Story of Abuse When I was in my early 20s, my biological father continued to abuse me and terrorize me. He would come into my room at 3am to wake me up and ask if I took his Tupperware. He did this every night for months. He would also blame me for the cats missing the litter box. To punish me, he would pick up the bathroom mat and put it near my bed. When I was about 25, we got into a physical altercation: he ran after me, pulled my hair and slapped me in the face. After that, I knew no one would protect me and my grandmother (whose name was on the lease) would not kick him out or do anything about the abuse. I stopped talking to him as a way to protect myself. A few months later, a friend spoke to me and somehow convinced me to give him a second chance. I did, and he was nice to me for a month then went back to his toxic ways. Once again, I set a boundary and stopped speaking to him. In the fall of that same year, I moved in with my partner. I had to call home and I spoke to my grandmother. She tricked me and betrayed me by putting my biological father on the phone as a way of forcing me to talk to him. Not speaking to him was the one way I could think of to protect myself, as well as hold him accountable for what he did to me and others. I felt like she was saying "just let him abuse you." I am haunted by the way she cared more about us not talking to each other than the abuse I suffered. I think it's disturbing. Can anyone shed light on why she did this? I know she is old fashioned and my brother thinks she's a narcissist. I can only think that she's a sadist who wants me to suffer. She knows I could have had a nervous breakdown. It happens in our family: both her husband and daughter had nervous breakdowns. Why would she do that to me knowing what he did and what it could do to my mental health? |
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Bill3, Discombobulated, Fuzzybear, RoxanneToto, Sohappy
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Bill3
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#2
I'm really sorry that this happened to you, and from your own grandmother. It must hurt so much.
I can't imagine why she would do something so unsupportive and betraying. What does she have to say for herself about it? |
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Fuzzybear, KD1980
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RoxanneToto
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KD1980
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#3
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My brother thinks she's a narcissist. I'm not sure. I know she has no compassion for women. |
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Bill3, Fuzzybear, RoxanneToto
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#4
I don’t think the precise diagnosis matters, but whatever it is, she’s an abuser and sounds disordered in some way. I’m sorry you had to endure this crap. I think it’s rather telling that her husband and daughter both had nervous breakdowns; I suspect her behaviour also had something to do with those.
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Fuzzybear, KD1980
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Bill3
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#5
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Bill3
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Graciy
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#6
Hi I'm new but I was wondering if she abused your Father when he was little. She seems to think the abusive behaviour was ok. I'm just learning that people have dark secrets in their closets.
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KD1980
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Bill3
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KD1980
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Member Since: Nov 2018
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 368
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#7
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I just don't know what else he could do to me to make her see that I had to stay away from him. It seemed like I had to give him countless chances. |
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Graciy
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#8
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I had parents who were in their late 40's when they had me. The time was so different back then. People were rougher with each other. They believed spare the rod, spoil the child. No one, talked about any kind of abuse. It was locked behind closed doors and if you ever tried to open that door (I tried with my parents) believe me it got slammed shut right away. I think the thing to remember is that you don't need to talk to your Dad or Grandmother for that matter. Don't answer the phone when she calls. Try getting close to other family members or if thats not possible. Pick your relatives from friends, meaning I have 2 friends that I can tell anything to. I consider them my family. I sincerely hope that you can make things good for YOU. This life is your journey and you have every right to set boundaries that make you happy. hugs |
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KD1980
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Sohappy
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#9
That is horrible. It doesn't sound like you can trust your grandmother if she thinks abuse is normal and was brought up that way.
When people are brought up in a toxic environment and it's all they have known, it's very hard to change the person's mind. I know it hurts that she seems to accept him being abusive is okay. No, it's not okay. Did you let her know that was not OK? Do you have to keep Interacting with her? |
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KD1980
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Member
KD1980
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Member Since: Nov 2018
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 368
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#10
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