Feeling Super Depressed

My job doesn’t care if I live or die. I don’t want to do it anymore. I don’t want to do anything anymore. I just want to stay in my bed with my cat and sleep. My mom is always venting to me and I don’t feel I can vent to her because of how stressed she is over my grandma, and I don’t want to add to her stress. I feel all alone. I tried calling the crisis hotline and was on hold for 15 ****ing minutes. Screw that. I have no desire to do anything whatsoever these days. I just want to draw and be with my cat. My friends are mad at me, I think— I was supposed to go to a birthday party with them last weekend but I was sick with a fever and chills so I bailed at the last minute. I feel like no one on this earth would care if I died tonight. The only thing keeping me from expediting the process is my cat— she depends on me and I love her. Maybe that sounds silly, but I don’t care. I don’t see a therapist right now because I felt there was no accountability when I did. If other people can actually do constructive work on themselves with the help of a therapist, I applaud them, but I can’t. I just find it’s more productive for me to figure this **** out on my own. Usually, anyway… I’m having trouble doing it tonight.

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my local chrisis line is ****ing useless.

it's easy enough to get threw, (so I'm sorry about the wait), but the advice they dish out is questionable.

why not watch mickey mouse and we'll call you after?

not only do they not call after but mickey mouse?. and what if you don't like mickey mouse, huh? (he isn't the worst cartoon out their, I can tolerate him). seriously it's so patronizing though- go watch mickey mouse.

as for the therapy, 9 therapists later, I'm no closer to acheeving anything. I've even had therapists refused to see me because they generally think I am too far gone for it (and I completely agree, I'm not well at all)

sorry you are struggling. I hope posting here helps at least

I can't work, and though I think it sucks (really wanted to be a roler coaster engineer!), at least that's nothing to stress me out about

Indigo1015, I'm sorry you feel so bad, but am glad that you have your kitty. My cat is a huge source of comfort. I don't know what I'd do without him some days.

Hi Indigo, I’m sorry things are so hard for you right now. Just wanted to let you know I read this and am thinking of you, hang on in there, post back to let us know how you are if you feel okay to do that.

You have my support and I care. I am so sorry you're going through this right now. I don't think its silly to care about and love someone (your cat) who depends on you. I'm glad you have him/her.

I am sorry Indigo.

It sounds like you need a career/job change. Can you work towards that. Of course, it won't be easy but it sounds like it's worth giving a try.

Keep drawing and don't give that up.

I'm sorry, Indigo.

I agree with the post above, keep drawing. Don't give drawing up!

And yeah, a job change. It sounds like they suck...