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Member
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: Northeast
Posts: 45
4 4 hugs
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#1
The best thing that will ever happen to me is my parent's dying. I will fake cry and pretend but inside I will be elated. My life will finally begin!
They have held me back and limited everything I do. I must have been yelled at every time I cried or talked as a baby. I have been afraid to do everything my entire life. I even had selective mutism as a child. I couldn't talk to anyone. It is the most awful feeling in the world and I would not wish it on anyone! I have never been on a plane, I can't date because then my parents would "see" who I am dating. When I drive down the street I am always watching for my parents car to make sure they don't "see" me. When I pull into the driveway, I immediately turn my car radio off for fear they will "hear" it and shake their heads because everything including music is bad. I have no real friends left and the ones I do have use me. I don't have relationships with men, only married ones because with them I can hide everything about me. I hate my job but can't find a better paying one. I am stuck! I hate holidays and birthdays because I have no one to spend them with. I suffer extreme loneliness |
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*Beth*, Bill3, Breaking Dawn, Buffy01, FloatThruThis, mote.of.soul, MuseumGhost, Werewoman, Yaowen
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Buffy01
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,526
(SuperPoster!)
6 9,709 hugs
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#2
Quote:
__________________ Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch. Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live. This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak. In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living. Like love, it's how we know we're alive. And life goes on. That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries |
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*Beth*, Breaking Dawn, MuseumGhost
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*Beth*, MuseumGhost
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Veteran Member
Member Since Jan 2011
Posts: 574
13 29 hugs
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#3
Would you consider therapy? Are you old enough to move out?
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*Beth*, MuseumGhost
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
9 1,758 hugs
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#4
Quote:
I used to make a metaphor for that “it’s like cutting wings off to a bird”. You have now a long path to walk on. You need help from a professional. I know you can’t afford it since you are unemployed. Is there any possibility to attend to a Community service instead? __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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MuseumGhost
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3,257
12 12.3k hugs
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#5
Sending compassionate hugs. I did not endure the horrors you have gone through...and yet what I did endure has still shaped my life in a number of ways.
I remember very well the horrible coldness that would sweep over me when I realized neither of my parents were ever really cut out for the job. My brother and I suffered so much unnecessary harshness at their hands. But I think, ultimately, it made us both far more compassionate and empathic people. If you can find help anywhere online, I would utilize that as much as possible. There is a Childhood Emotional Neglect forum on here, on the first, long forums index, under the sub-heading of Mental Health Support. You're always welcome to visit with understanding people there. (It's not the busiest forum, but everyone there is really kind and helpful.) And remember: NO ONE, and nothing they do now, is worth contemplating you taking your own life. Naturally, I wish they did not make you feel this way. You CAN get through this, and you will become stronger for doing so. You will also find your own freedom to walk the path you choose, someday. Hang on to that! Wishing you the kind of relief that comes with understanding that you are not alone. |
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Breaking Dawn
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Breaking Dawn
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Poohbah
Member Since May 2014
Location: Betelgeuse
Posts: 1,472
9 1,217 hugs
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#6
I'm 60 years old and still waiting for my parents to die.
How old are you? You need to separate yourself from them permanently unless you want to end up like me. __________________ You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. ~ Robin Williams Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? ~ Pink Floyd |
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