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Crowned "The Good Witch"
LiteraryLark
is healing
Member Since: Jun 2009
Location: Wonderland
Posts: 11,535
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#1
I've got a lot on my mind. I've put off counseling temporarily because of family coming to visit, but I am really struggling. I'll see my counselor on the 6th, but I'm twisted in emotions and gotta get some stuff off my chest.
I feel like a bad furmama, but I've done so much for little Elwood who is getting so much bigger. He's got lots of enrichment, toys, a huge 6 foot kitty condo that he loves, and I spend as much time with him that I can. I work 40 hours a week and a neighbor stops by to visit him twice a day. But I worry about him and I also worry that he throws tantrums when I want alone time. I feel like I have to schedule me time now, and I'm always on Elwood's time and feel guilty when I lock him up just to put my headphones on (to not feel obligated to cave in to his cries) and relax. Work is debilitating for my PTSD and anxiety. I get bullied by coworkers and customers. Everything I say to a coworker goes straight into the boss' ear, and I get chewed out for it. I am a smart, educated, honor roll student who spent her last job saving lives, and I get called the village idiot or a lot of worse things because of petty things like not knowing the difference of four different shades of green colored cigarettes that are called completely different things by different customers or for not being able to count 24 cans (and having it explained to be step by step by the customer who I then told, "apparently they never explained how to count in calculus, statistics, or college algebra, so who knows how I got straight A's in those classes"). I have high anxiety all day long at work with one full blown anxiety attack once or twice a week. I've told everyone from the very beginning this job is not meant for me and that I'm miserable...no one listened. Even the counselor told me I need to stick it out, but now I think it might push me over the edge. It's not always or not only depression, I have more on my plate than I can deal with. I don't know how to cope. I can't shake my anxiety or anger about work. I have to put up with it until after my vacation in July. I'm trying to tell myself, stick it out, stay strong, it'll go by faster than you think. I have one hope going for me at work. June is Pride month, and I have ordered five Pride shirts and a rainbow eyeshadow palette and I will wear my pride shirts at work. It is okay for me to wear them at work, and all my pride shirts are work appropriate. I am just so overwhelmed with these negative thoughts and feelings and anxiety and depression and anger. I am so overwhelmed with all of my responsibilities. I am so overwhelmed with my work. And I don't know what to do, but I am struggling to cope. |
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Bill3, Have Hope, unaluna, Werewoman, WovenGalaxy
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Wise Elder
Have Hope
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Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,043
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#2
Can you say less to your coworkers so that it doesn't go straight to your boss? Just keep to yourself at work, do your work and focus on that and that alone?
When I get overwhelmed like you feel, I try to focus on literally getting through one day at a time. Focus on the here and now, and on what needs to get done today. Then rest after work, take it easy, do some self care activities, eat a nice meal, get plenty of sleep, and then when you get up, focus only one what needs to be done that day. Getting bullied is a horrific experience. I've been there many times at work. Can you look for another job? Often times, the best answer is to just leave the position but only when you have another job lined up. I know it's really challenging to job search while you're working full time, but you can in your free time and just make it happen. That's what I've done whenever I've been bullied at work. As soon as it happens, I am looking for another job. Often there is no recourse for bullies at work. Going to HR is a joke. HR isn't about the employees' welfare; HR is all about the company's well being and success. They brush things like that under the rug and often it puts a target on your own back if you go and complain. So there's no point in that. I would just try to find another job somewhere else, keep your head down, stick to yourself, take it one day at a time, and do a lot of self care in the meantime. Hugs to you. I feel for ya. Hang in there! __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Bill3, LiteraryLark
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Bill3, LiteraryLark
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Legendary Wise Elder
Mountaindewed
NoahsArk30
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
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#3
Based on your other posts about work and about things in general that you have posted, it seems like its going both ways at work and not just your coworkers fault. I'm not saying they are right but you just have to know your audience about certain topics.
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Magnate
WovenGalaxy
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Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: Earth
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#4
I'm sorry to hear you're struggling (and so overwhelmed) and I hope it gets better for you.
I agree that you need some coping strategies. I hope you have a helpful session on the 6th. |
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Bill3
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Bill3
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Poohbah
Werewoman
Is a bit, well...wered.
Member Since: May 2014
Location: Betelgeuse
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#5
Sending hugs your way.
I don't work anymore because I couldn't deal with people anymore. __________________ You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. ~ Robin Williams Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? ~ Pink Floyd |
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Magnate
rechu
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Member Since: Apr 2016
Location: Somewhere in South America
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#6
Quote:
It won't solve all your problems, but in my experience it is better to be careful with what you say to co-workers. I have been employed at a range of workplaces and there are always some colleagues that love to go "tattle" on you to the boss. My last workplace was full of people like that. It felt like junior high! From what it sounds like, you work in retail? I've done that in the past, and it definitely can be stressful, especially if you have to deal with rude customers. In my experience, there is a lot of variation between different companies and some are less stressful than others. Can you try and find something in retail with a more relaxed environment if you want to continue in that line of work? Or , could you could return to the work you were doing before? From everything you read, businesses are having a tough time finding enough staff. It couldn't hurt to see what else is out there. |
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Member
Orwellian Nightmare
Feels asthough we are not alone...
Member Since: Apr 2022
Location: I AM UNIVERSAL
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#7
Quote:
Please try to keep your head up throughout this difficult period, Lark. I think it's so important if only for the sake of sanity/self-esteem, but I also know it's an easy thing to say... The above comment stood out to me. I know that therapy comes in a variety of flavours. I know that therapists are also human beings. I have never had a T suggest to me what I should do, though. I always assumed this was outside of their remit - giving advice, that is. Perhaps you have an agreement with your T or the therapy calls for it? __________________ If you're going through hell, keep going... |
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