Breaking Away From a Sociopath...Help.

I have been dealing with what I think to be a sociopath for almost a year now. He was in jail for 6 months of our almost year relationship. This was probably his sixth time in jail. Anyway, he keeps trying to hook me in and the problem is, I just found out I am pregnant. I told him and of course he doesn't seem to care and he is more worried about stalking his estranged wife and 2 kids he has not seen in over a year. There is a lot more to this story, but I just want to make sure my thread goes through before I write out my long novel. Some background information: he is 37 no high school diploma or ged, in and out of jail since he was 15, no substantial job history. I helped him get a job by pushing him to apply and had a friend of mine do me a favor and hire him at the factory he works at. He also has been in trouble with the law since he was 13. He owes thousands in fines and has no driver license. He is a recovering alcoholic and drug abuser. He tried to put all the blame on me by calling me a psycho and jealous and such, but I have good reasons to be skeptical and not believe him about certain things. Not only his past, which I know and have tried not to judge him by, but also some of the things he has done while we were together. I am looking for advice on what to do. I don't want to raise a child on my own but I also do not think he is fit to be in the child's life by his current and past relationship with his other children that have not seen him in over a year or do not want to see him. What should I do? I tried to give him a chance and hope he would change and believed him when he said he wanted to change for me...but I have not seen much change in the past 6 months. Help please.

I am so very, very sorry you are in the situation you describe. Wish I knew what to say to help but unfortunately I don't know exacty what I would do if I was in your place.

From reading your post you sound like you’ve come to a conclusion already, that you’ve given him chances and he hasn’t changed and you don’t want him in your child’s life. I wonder if you just needed to write it out here in order to fully absorb this?

Good luck, you can’t change the past but I think you’re on the right track now.

You cannot change a person, only they can change themselves and they need to be motivated to do so.

Given the new information about what he did to his own mother, why would you even entertain being with such a dangerous, low life type of man? He is a danger and this will only get worse and worse as time goes on. You have to be stronger than your own feelings and take care of yourself and your unborn baby!

As I wrote in your other thread in the relationship forum:

Feelings can cloud a person's perspective. You have to be very objective here in your assessment of this man as a father figure and partner. He hasn't been a good partner and he has a very sketchy past. He will disappoint you and will hurt you as a partner and he will disappoint you as a father figure. If you had a girlfriend, daughter or sister who had a partner just like yours, what would your advice be?

Your title in this thread states he is a sociopath.... and you mention this in your post. So why go down this road with someone you believe to be sociopathic? Sure, you can have feelings, but be objective. He is no good, and the sooner you get away from this man the better.

You also have to ask yourself what your standards are in men. Are your standards so low that this is what you are willing to accept in a man and partner? You have two masters degrees and are clearly accomplished. This man is a jailbird bum with no work history - you had to push him to get a job even and he's resorted to drugs. And he lies to you. Why put yourself through this?

You need to get yourself a good therapist and examine why this is so hard for you.

Agreed. The man tried to seriously harm his own mother. OP, I agree that you need a therapist to figure out why you would be willing to hold onto this man who is dangerous and a problem.

If you are wondering why I’ve replied to all your posts, it’s because I’m concerned. I was married to a sociopath. Not my diagnosis but two independent psychiatrists. He was very charming and did not have a jail record only because he talked his way out of it. This was back in the eighties when domestic violence was not taken so seriously. If he was strangling his mother that’s high high risk factor. And stalking his wife that’s another huge red flag. You being pregnant puts you at high risk. I urge you to get help breaking away from him.

Thank you for being concerned. When he harmed his mother, he was either drunk or high...he lies so much that I don't know what to believe. He has manipulated me so much. This is the 2nd time I have been pregnant by him...so I feel as though some higher power really wants us to be together...or I am just that unlucky. He knows I am pregnant, and he hasn't even really asked how I am feeling...he doesn't check in on me and he won't talk about things with me. Am I asking for too much for him to be considerate and at least ask how my health is or if I am having bad symptoms or anything? I just can't believe he doesn't even care about me or the situation.

Thank you for your kind words. I think I fell for him because he gave me attention. I was in a loveless relationship for 10 years. I have known this man for about 18 years and we were interested in each other then, but he didn't have his life together enough for me so I didn't want to date him. Fast forward a year or so, he ended up getting his current wife pregnant. We continued to talk here in there with the occasional check in over the years, and he reached out to me last year saying how much he loves me and always has and that I am his soulmate. I think I was in love with the idea of a fairytale love. He then went to jail for 6 months and ever since he has been out, I have seen him resorting to his old ways...he thinks he can do whatever he wants and talk to whoever he pleases and he would always pressure me to have a threesome and let him have another woman. I told him I am not about that life...never have been, never will. He knows I am insecure and have been cheated and lied to in the past, yet he continues to do things that I have told him upset me. I just feel as if he doesn't care about me at all.

That’s a mark of the sociopath, they don’t care. There’s no higher power making you pregnant that biological. The more you say about him the more I’m convinced you need to cut him out of your life. I’m sorry.

Why are you so focused on changing him? Why dont you change your own behavior? Seems like it would be easier, no? He only subtracts from your life. I dont see where he adds anything.

Be wary when people use the word soulmate. Also, pay attention to actions over words. When actions don't match the words, there's a problem. Don't be in love with the fairytale. Be aware of what is actually happening.

Again, pay attention to his actions over his words.

No offense, but you're almost excusing his behavior towards his mother here - do you hear yourself? This man is dangerous. It's entirely unacceptable that he tried to harm his own mother - high, drunk or not. That could have been you and your unborn baby. Who knows what this man is capable of doing.

It doesn't matter that he doesn't show he cares.... this man is no good. And this is the way he behaves.

I urge you to leave him ASAP. Get support. Get help. But leave.

The longer you keep him in your life, the more misery you will experience. Please don't let that happen.

He strangled his mother (what????) and was in jail 6 times and you think higher power wants you two together? Would higher power really want such a thing for you? You think you were pregnant by him twice because of higher power wanting you together? Sorry but it’s basic science, not higher power. You are pregnant because you had unprotected sex with him, higher power wasn’t involved here.

If you are having children with him you need to collect as much evidence as possible so he has no access to the children. You don’t want him around innocent creatures. He strangled his mother and violence usually escalates. For the future though consult with your doctor re appropriate birth control measures if you plan to continue with this horrible man

Thank you. I am not planning on going back with him. I know he is not a good person. I think this past week and a half or so of me not seeing or really speaking to him has helped me tremendously. I know he does not care about me and that's ok. I am better off without him.

I am not planning on seeing him anymore or talking to him. Thank you...your words definitely made me wake up.

Oh, young woman...PLEASE take what you have told us in your own words, and imagine if a little sister or good friend were describing this situation to you. It would be absolutely clear to you what SHE would have to do, and how you must now act to remove yourself from this relationship as soon as humanly possible.

The way you describe this man and his behaviours, he sounds like a malignant narcissist as well as a sociopath. They share many toxic traits, and it's no wonder you're feeling confused. They are exceedingly good at emotional manipulation, and covering their own butts. That's why he love bombs you from time to time, to talk you back around---but it is still manipulation, and is also highly insulting and ultimately degrading, if you keep believing the things he says.

Because it can never, ever, end happily if you stay with him.

He was extremely violent to his own mother. The way a man treats his mother is an exact forecast of how he will treat you, eventually.

And, I want to echo what several other people have said: Keep him as far away from your developing baby, and from the child after it is born. Get to a women's shelter/helpline and get some practical, timely advice on how to proceed. Pregnant women are so vulnerable to attacks by men like this.

PLEASE, please get some help, and follow through with it. And let us know how you are doing.

I completely agree with this. The mark of a sociopath is they literally do not care.

I think you need to completely cut him out of your life.

Congratulation on your pregnancy. I would dump this guy because he doesn't want to change. Lots of people who have children who are single can make it so can you. I lost a coworker to domestic violence. :sadhug: :hug: :grouphug: