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WovenGalaxy
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#1
Hi. I'm very stressed out. I have nothing to do with my day today. I feel very isolated and pointless. Like a ghost. No one knows I'm here. No one cares. I really do feel that way. Like no one cares. I have all these supports but no one is helping me.
My plan was to go to a yoga class this morning - something to do, get me out of the house. First time at this class. But when I got there, no one was there. And then one person showed up, and they were old, and I know this is superficial, but I thought to myself: I don't want to be around old people at this time in my life. I need to be around my peers. And I left. I should have probably stayed. It was something to do. But whatever. I left. I need to get a job. Its not that simple though. I want to like my job. I'm looking on indeed, and there's nothing out there that really interests me. I was going to go back to school for office technology, I'd signed a loan agreement and everything. Did loan counseling. But it is full time program with no way of me going part time - they don't allow it. I didn't feel ready for that. I've not worked in so long. I also made a pros and cons list and I just felt so unsure of going. I didn't want to set myself up to fail by going, dropping out, but then owing all that money. 9,000 dollars. That's a lot. Even to pay back over a 10 yr period. I ended up contacting them yesterday to withdraw. It was a really hard decision. But it was the right decision for me. Anyway, I don't really have an interest in the jobs out there. Definitely not retail. A lot of office jobs want experience. I also have a boyfriend and I hate the fact that I feel so inadequate. I'm going to have to meet his friends and family someday and tell them that I don't have a job. I hate this world and society. Thats all I have right now. This is not my best writing. But I need support. I need help. I am open to gentle advice. I think that I am depressed. There are some things in my life......that I feel very done with. Like chalice circle. Because some of them don't understand my life and can't relate, and it is excruciatingly uncomfortable to have to sit there and do a check in where no one understands because they are old and at a different point in their lives or don't have mental health issues. |
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Bill3, Discombobulated, unaluna, Yaowen
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Grand Magnate
Yaowen
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#2
I'm so sorry you are in the situation you described. Its awful when so many things are not going right and at the same time. I can generally handle one misfortune, but if they start piling up I start heading into depression territory. Wish I knew what to say that would be helpful to you but sadly I am kind of in the same boat. Hopefully others here, others with more wisdom will see your post and respond to it with something helpful. I would also like to see what others here have to say because of my own situation. My heart goes out to you!
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Bill3, Discombobulated, WovenGalaxy
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CANDC
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#3
@WovenGalaxy I am sorry that you are feeling like there is nothing in your day. That is a tough feeling. Doing things helps boost our self esteem.
I see your point about the program that costs $9000. That is a lot to spend. There are other ways to ease into a job. I have seen volunteers and interns work for hospitals or businesses and end up being offered a job. Many companies are scrambling to get employees. What I did is make a list of everything I enjoy on the left side of paper and all the possible jobs that that skill might be useful. This is brainstorming. It is important not to start judging or eliminating things. Just list all the things you find neutral or enjoy. If you are having trouble thinking of things, look at your room. What could you do to improve it. Also other rooms in the house and make a list of these things and do them one at a time. This builds confidence and self esteem. This is not a 50 yard dash this is a marathon and we need to prepare ourselves by starting out with what we can do and keep working at it a little every day or more if you are so inspired. For yoga I do Adrienne's complete beginner yoga on youtube or she has 50 other different yoga routines. For getting more energy I do 5 minute Tai Chi that is easy and gets me moving in the morning. Hope you recognize and get the support you are looking for. @CANDC __________________ Super Moderator Community Support Team "Things Take Time" |
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WovenGalaxy
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Aviza
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#4
Sorry your feeling this way. I have groups I go to with peers and that's helpful. maybe you could look into that. I work I want to quit but I need the money to repay all my debts.
__________________ Son: 14, 12/15/2009 R.I.P. Daughter: 20 Diagnosis: Bipolar with Psychosis. Latuda 100 mgs. |
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WovenGalaxy
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Magnate
WovenGalaxy
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#5
Thank you.
I am seeing a pdoc tmrw and a therapist on Friday. They are both new-ish to me. |
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WovenGalaxy
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#6
Quote:
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Bill3
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WovenGalaxy
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#7
Quote:
I think that's a really good idea, the t chart thing. I'd never thought if that, thank you! |
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Discombobulated
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Magnate
WovenGalaxy
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#8
Quote:
Yeah, that's probably going to be me, too: most jobs I've had, I've really been unhappy in them. Not all though. Aviza, I hope you find a job you like, or at least find ways to cope with the "I don't wanna's" and all the feelings that come with it. I hope that for myself too. That's a goal of mine. |
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Bill3
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WovenGalaxy
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Location: Earth
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#9
I went to the gym this evening. I also ate a healthy dinner. Both of these things made me feel better.
I'm seeing a pdoc tomorrow who focuses on alternative treatments to mh issues. She prescribes medication too though. I want to really commit to some lifestyle changes that I think will help me feel better and also cope better with stress / roll with the punches. I'm looking for a planner to make into a mood journal. I want to document this. |
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Bill3
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eskielover
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#10
If your new T works with DBT, that could help. The section on emotional regulation was a blessing for me. Lots of good ideas that help & some new ways of looking at things causing the emotions. Also, anxiety emotions are good because they actually show us things that we need to change in our life....they are a signal & we definitely need that at times
__________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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AzulOscuro, WovenGalaxy
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Magnate
WovenGalaxy
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#11
Quote:
Yup, my T is well versed in DBT. |
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Bill3, eskielover
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Legendary Wise Elder
eskielover
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#12
__________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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WovenGalaxy
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Legendary Wise Elder
divine1966
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#13
Are you still taking peer support classes? I think this could be a really good field for you. If somebody asks if you work you could respond that you went back to school and are currently taking classes. End of story
I’d not spend 9k on learning office tech jobs. What would they even teach? Spreadsheets? Typing? Not worth so much money. Yoga classes are usually full. Not a good sign that only one person showed up. Look for a different class Oh do you like plants? Work at a botanical garden? |
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Discombobulated, WovenGalaxy
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WovenGalaxy
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#14
Quote:
The whole "so what do you do?" question holds so much anxious space in my brain, and I also get annoyed by it. But thanks for your perspective. The office tech program has a few different tracks - bookkeeping, medical billing, admin assistant. I understand why there is schooling. It's like a trade. Often ppl get help paying for it. I might have also been able to get financial support but FT is not for me right now. Thanks for the suggestion re: plants. I do like plants. There's no botanical garden close-by here - the one I visited was 1.5 hrs away. But I could look into maybe being a cashier at a plant nursery or something. I'm not so good at getting my hands dirty lol. I do love nature and plants though. |
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Bill3
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Bill3
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Legendary Wise Elder
divine1966
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#15
Bookkeeping and medical billing would require training, agree. Sounds boring but those are good stable jobs. I hate anything boring and quiet but I have to remember that others might like it.
Nursery or a flower shop could be fun. Flower arrangement? Very creative. Yarn shop? You are a knitter Yes questions about what you do could be stressful for those who don’t work or work jobs that they don’t want to share. I always advice people to say they are currently in a transition, gone back to school and taking classes. It could mean anything. Maybe yoga classes not college classes. Not their business |
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WovenGalaxy
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Grand Magnate
Discombobulated
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#16
Hi @WovenGalaxy sorry I just saw this now, I’ve been a little distracted myself.
Yeah $9,000 is a lot for a course, I feel for you on this because I’d really like to do some study too but it’s expensive and I can’t justify it. I like the suggestions people made about smaller independent stores for jobs, I know you tried retail before but think it was more the bigger stores/bigger volume/faster pace? I hope you won’t worry about meeting your boyfriend’s friends and family, sure, some people do ask about work mainly because they can’t think of what else to talk about but if you can say something like you’re volunteering right now then that’s certainly a fine thing to talk about. Of course I find many people like to talk about themselves most of all. Hoping today is going okay for you. |
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WovenGalaxy
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WovenGalaxy
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Grand Magnate
AzulOscuro
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#17
Quote:
It’s said yoga is a very good activity for body and mind. I also recommend you the practise of Mindfulness. Depression makes you run out of energy but it’s also a sign. It’s telling you that it’s time to make changes. Take your time to decide which changes you need. Normally, you have to look mainly at what the cause that provokes you enter in depression. It’s needed to sort it out. As you know changes don’t happen from one day to another. Fears, depressive state produce as I mentioned before, a extremely lack of energy You need to recover this energy, even when it’s gonna bit a small quantity at the beginning. Begin with pleasant activities and add mindfulness practise while doing it. You will have a breath of this state of worry, sadness and fear. That made you gain more energy little by little and feel yourself more satisfied. Again, don’t despair yourself. It takes time. As it’s said here. Could you explain to me a little bit about what’s a peer support classes? __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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WovenGalaxy
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