She is Driving Me Crazy

So I wake up this morning and my mom texts me asking if she can call because she’s not doing so well today. I say yes, of course. So she does and she definitely sounds close to tears. She tells me she is afraid she needs to go inpatient at a hospital, that she just can’t cope, and that there’s a lot of stuff going on that she doesn’t want to talk about. Fair enough in regards to the last bit, I tell her (plus, I know this sounds heartless, but I don’t really want to know the other stuff to begin with). I ask her if she’s seeing her therapist— she says yes but that she’s no help. I ask her what coping skills she is using and she says she doesn’t have any. I tell her she and her therapist have to come up with them. All this bothers me and irritates me because the more I talk to her about it, the more it sounds to me like she is not even trying or giving anyone a chance. She seems to just want them to tell her what she wants to hear, and while a good therapist will validate one’s thoughts/feelings and hear you out, a good therapist will also tell you the truth and be honest. She doesn’t want to hear the truth. And I’m running out of patience and things to advise. I asked her if she’s gotten her meds checked lately. She says she’s on bupropion (Wellbutrin), but she hasn’t been actually seen by a psych since 2019. Her PCP simply renews her rx each year, which I consider to be malpractice. I tell her she needs to actually go see one and have her meds reevaluated. She says she’s having a hard time finding one that accepts Medicare. I tell her about a website where you can select the type of provider you need, where you are, and what insurance you have, and they will generate a list. She says she’s looked at it and has found ones who accept Medicare (so what she said before about having trouble finding one was obviously a lie), but “nothing is jumping out at her.” I tell her bluntly that she needs to just pick one at this point, call them and find out if they are taking new patients and confirm that they accept Medicare, and give them a chance. Sorry but I didn’t know what else to say. It’s like she wants to feel sorry for herself and wants other people to feel sorry for her too. Well, I don’t indulge that— not in myself or in others. You don’t throw a pity party, you get off your *** and figure it out. That’s my way. Always has been. I really wish she would stop. I love her and care deeply about her wellbeing, but I am her daughter, not her therapist. I’ve just had my fill. I feel badly for my dad though— he’s got to put up with all this.

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Sounds like you did all the right things but are feeling guilty for having feelings of being fed up. It’s perfectly reasonable to feel that way, and yeah, it’s your mum, so yeah. It’s frustrating when other people spin their wheels but it’s hard when a child has to be the grown up in a relationship. I’m sorry.