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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
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Nov 30, 2022 at 08:01 AM
#41
Her denying that she said anything to her family is more gaslighting. Gaslighting is an abuse tactic used to confuse you, invalidate you and to make you question your perception and reality.
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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 shakespeare47
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: US
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Dec 14, 2022 at 08:07 AM
#42
Some thoughts - I do tend to share more about my inner thoughts and feelings than most people around me. For years I've wanted her to deal differently with those things I share - it isn't happening. I guess I'll have to learn to keep my thoughts to myself. The less I tell her about what's going on inside - what I'm thinking about - things that bother me - the better. I have had some successes over the last few years - as far as my own peace of mind goes - by focusing on goals.
It's a hard lesson to learn. My wife does some pretty crappy things. I'm trying to take a more light-hearted view of what's going on, and what I can do to change. Perhaps in 2 years I can look at divorce again - in the meantime I'll continue to work on what I can - specifically my own finances and mental well-being. __________________ My business is to teach my aspirations to conform themselves to fact, not to try and make facts harmonise with my aspirations. T.H. Huxley |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: US
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Dec 14, 2022 at 08:36 AM
#43
I'm working on ways to distract myself. Lately I've been binge-watching Only Murders in the Building, gaming, and reading. I'm also working how to respond when she is obviously trying to push my buttons. - it really doesn't seem to make much sense to confront her - she just denies and/or claims she can't remember.
I would like to continue to find ways to make her uncomfortable when she is obviously playing mind games on me. __________________ My business is to teach my aspirations to conform themselves to fact, not to try and make facts harmonise with my aspirations. T.H. Huxley |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: US
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Dec 14, 2022 at 08:44 AM
#44
I think she may be a little afraid of divorce. She brought it up before I ever did... something like "now don't divorce me if we win this lottery"
__________________ My business is to teach my aspirations to conform themselves to fact, not to try and make facts harmonise with my aspirations. T.H. Huxley Last edited by shakespeare47; Dec 14, 2022 at 11:29 AM.. |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,080
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Dec 19, 2022 at 04:48 AM
#45
Quote:
I was scared myself - but I'll tell you something - the more time that goes on, the easier it is becoming for me to be alone. I am now getting used to it and it's actually quite nice! I enjoy my own company and have been enjoying the peace and solitude without my husband ruining every day for me. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Rastana
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Grand Magnate
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Dec 19, 2022 at 11:33 AM
#46
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__________________ My business is to teach my aspirations to conform themselves to fact, not to try and make facts harmonise with my aspirations. T.H. Huxley |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,080
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Dec 19, 2022 at 11:49 AM
#47
Quote:
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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 shakespeare47
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shakespeare47
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: US
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Dec 19, 2022 at 12:58 PM
#48
Right now I'm just trying to act like a good roommate. Confronting her doesn't work. I just want to live in peace as much as I can. Talking with her or doing things with her aren't much fun right now.
__________________ My business is to teach my aspirations to conform themselves to fact, not to try and make facts harmonise with my aspirations. T.H. Huxley |
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Grand Magnate
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Dec 20, 2022 at 11:05 AM
#49
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__________________ My business is to teach my aspirations to conform themselves to fact, not to try and make facts harmonise with my aspirations. T.H. Huxley |
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Grand Magnate
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Dec 20, 2022 at 11:13 AM
#50
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__________________ My business is to teach my aspirations to conform themselves to fact, not to try and make facts harmonise with my aspirations. T.H. Huxley |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
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Dec 20, 2022 at 11:29 AM
#51
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__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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shakespeare47
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Grand Magnate
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Dec 05, 2023 at 07:05 AM
#52
We've made a little progress. But it's still frustrating in that she says hurtful and/or controversial things and then refuses to talk about it, or suggests she didn't even say what I heard her say.
__________________ My business is to teach my aspirations to conform themselves to fact, not to try and make facts harmonise with my aspirations. T.H. Huxley Last edited by shakespeare47; Dec 05, 2023 at 07:56 AM.. |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
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Jan 25, 2024 at 01:10 PM
#53
And a little progress in that we're talking about boundaries and consequences. It's a 2-way street - I know I've done things that "crossed the line" from her point of view so she's telling me what her boundaries are and what the consequences will be if I violate them.
__________________ My business is to teach my aspirations to conform themselves to fact, not to try and make facts harmonise with my aspirations. T.H. Huxley |
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