[black-roses]

My mum broke her fingers in a freak accident after her insurance company went to have a look at the car that couldnt start. Long story short the car started and dragged her along the car and her hand was gripped onto the side of the car as she attempted to get in and stop the car. My sister went outside into the car whilst I held my mum whilst she was screaming and bleeding. This happened on the last Saturday at 4pm. Of course now she can't do anything with that hand and it was the left thank god it wasn't the dominant hand but now all I hear is endless insults on my cleaning ability. I can't cope because I do the dishes three times a day trying to pick up the slack since she can't do it. It's not good enough. It just really hurts to be in this situation. Meanwhile Tafe says I'm ready to enrol and I'm not excited about anything I have no interest or desire in anything and think that life is meaningless. I feel like we all die and turn into dust so why torture myself based on what Centrelink wants me to do. I'm still waiting for my NDIS papers to back and that is hopefully on the 31st of this month. I just hate that it's like never good enough for her. If I'm being honest I don't think it's my cleaning ability I think it's her that has high standards because shes the same with not liking how my sister hangs on clothing. If I'm being honest I don't think there is really a purpose to life and I never want to hear about jobs and pathway because it just makes me want to cry at how difficult and impossible that is. Also now I'm a dependent on my mum and she's now in a compromised state I think I have more important things than to care about Centrelink and it's stupid demands. How about priotizing my care and getting me mentally healthy but they are as dumb as a door why would they ever consider that maybe I'm not faking it. Also piss off my mum is a diabetic and I should be taking care of her. Don't make me even madder and feel even more guilty because I've failed in a daughter when I'm meant to be taking care of her. Like omg who cares about work without health you have nothing but these dumbs arses don't see it like that. Even Tafe is like are you looking at career paths no because I hate people they make me anxious there's no meaning in getting close to anyone plus it hurts and people disappoint and hurt you anyway. I don't care and just want to make mums life easier I just want an occupational therapist I'm really not asking for much I'm just annoyed. Also seeing her in this state makes my heart hurt so much because it's like sucks. Also if I don't learn these things when she dies I just get thrown to my dad's and that's a fate worse than death believe me.

[BUGfiend1]

I really am sorry you are going through this by yourself and she is just harping on you!!All you can do is your best and tell her you are trying,and that it would be a lot easier to take up the slack without her putting you down...you got this girlfriend....just be yourself and try to let the antagonizing roll off your shoulders the best you can and wear a couple of rubberbands on your wrist to pop when you feel you are about to lose it...my Therapist suggested that to me!! and I know it sounds weird,but believe it or not...IT WORKS!!Just be the best you you can be...Praying for you girlfriend!!

[Molinit]

Okay, so washing dishes and hanging clothes (the issue with your sister) are 2 things that have very specific steps and outcomes. The dishes are either clean or they are not, the clothing is either hung correctly to prevent wrinkles and put in the closet not packed in next to other clothes or it's not.

For the dishes, what is her complaint that your work isn't meeting her standards. Are the dishes clean? Are they dried and put away in the correct place? I'm not a picky person and when my brother hand-washes dishes or pans he doesn't wear his glasses and I have shown him food debris he has left on them and his complaint to me is that he can't meet "my" expectations and I am complaining needlessly, but frankly if there is still food left on them they are dirty!

So what is her exact complaint about your work so we can determine whether she's just complaining for no reason or not?

Your mother is an adult who can take care of her own diabetes, what do you mean you should be taking care of her for that?

I don't know how your bills are being paid at this time, but you need to take some action on either getting disability through your government or some sort of job.

[black-roses]

I have Centrelink payments so the problem isn't money at the moment. I'm going back to study but that's not the issue either what the problem is I feel numb and uninspired and pessimistic for my future. My concern for working but it is much deeper for I don't feel a connection to anything a purpose to ground me to the earth. All those things that people need like love and care friendship. All those things that are missing for my heart. My heart empty and lonely. All that stuff with getting disability payments is already being sorted out and the NDIS so that's not the issue that bothers me the most. I'm perplexed as to what I would need to give me a purpose and the happiness that I've been searching my whole life.

[black-roses]

I guess I struggle to be happy because I'm in the space of still feeling that people are resentful ****s who'd rather judge me than mind there on business and be a miserable **** on my own. I'm also pissed off I can't even crush on people without some miserable low life I don't even know calling me desperate. Also I'm ****ing over Tafe and how people can't be bothered to help me I feel like everyone is selfish and only cares for themselves. I guess I still have lots of anger because nobody bothered to help me..I'm pissed off about ever having to work..I honestly hate doing things maybe I'm a privileged brat to say that but I don't ****ing care everyone can live there life **** a horse two or three I have a ****ing feeling or express desires to be loved and have a boyfriend and I'm the ****ing desperate one. Honestly people can't **** off with there judgement and self righteousness. I agree with slipknot in saying that people equal ****. So yeah I'm bitter about studying and working because I hate people and wish they'd die in a fire because there nothing but fake ****s stabbing me in the back to make themselves feel better about there miserable life. Just like that friend who made the AI because he wanted someone else to be in pain someone who never even hurt him. So yeah the world can get ****ed, study can get ****ed Tafe can get ****ed people can get ****ed and that's what I truly feel about this ****ed world..I just want to scream in a void and just stab everyone that ever had the decorum to judge me when they are a self righteousness **** that is old and should **** themselves and just ****ing die instead because how ****ing dare. They how ****ing dare anyone ****ing look down on me. The whole world can get ****ed because they looked down on me kicked on me and they ****ed me off because I was traumatized so yes I hate people. I hate seeing there faces I'd rather stay at home forever and never have to work because I hate people picking me apart and could rip there worthless face off for judging me. I'm sick of hiding my anger at being judged I think I have a right to tell people to genuinely **** off

[Molinit]

I have no idea to whom you are addressing. You started this thread complaining that your mother tells you that you didn't do the dishes to her standards and then it morphed into this.

You can stay at home forever if you want. Your mother won't live forever, so I guess you should plan on where you're going to live and how to sustain yourself after she's gone.

Truthfully, most people have no specific "purpose" in life. I get up, I work, I do my hobbies, go out and whatever. No particular purpose there. I take care of my dog and I'm certainly not miserable. I don't recall in my younger years sitting around and wondering what my purpose was. I just lived.

[divine1966]

I am sorry you are struggling but you can’t really say no one is helping.

You receive government pay, you get free courses and classes for many years, you don’t have to work, you don’t have to worry about bills because your family pays it. That’s a lot of help.

Yes your mom is not feeling well now and you have to help at home more. But that’s a normal expectation. As about her expectation of cleanliness, I am not sure what those are. It’s hard to tell if she is being unreasonable or not

As about “having” to work. Yes most people have to work if they want to eat. But if you have other sources of income or someone else supports you, you don’t really “have” to work. It’s ok not to. We aren’t telling you to go work (only if you ask for advice).

I don’t know what people you are referring to when you say you want them to die because they judge you? Are these specific people or in general? I don’t see anyone on here being nasty or unhelpful to you. Are those people are irl?

As about purpose. Sometimes we all have these kind of thoughts but most of the time we just live our lives and find pleasure in little things.

[black-roses]

Free courses are you ****ing kidding me I have spent thousands if not more and they continue to kick me out..please don't assume stuff that you don't know and don't speak to me ever like you know a good damn thing about me. Please stop replying and acknowledging my posts it makes me furious please leave before I say something I regret.

[black-roses]

You know not what you speak of but you tell me off like a ****ing child assuming that you know you infuriate my very being and yet you continue to further antagonise me. I don't like your tone and the way you speak to me next time you spew nonsense that you know nothing of maybe ask me about the ****ing thousands I've spent on courses and trying to get treatment for them to annoy me and left without. Who do you think you are with that judging tone please go away. I don't need nor want your judgement

[black-roses]

Please don't talk to me ever again I will block you forever.