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TheGal
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Default Jan 29, 2023 at 03:10 PM
  #121
I'm up and down today, emotions-wise.
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Default Jan 29, 2023 at 03:24 PM
  #122
frustrated with my screwed memory
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Default Jan 29, 2023 at 05:11 PM
  #123
I did some work, cleaned and took a nap. I'm playing my game at the moment. All of this is helping me make it through a lonely day.

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Thumbs up Jan 29, 2023 at 05:29 PM
  #124
I am trying to change the mental stories I tell myself

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Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

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Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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Default Jan 30, 2023 at 01:32 PM
  #125
I took a long, easy-going morning to have a little extra coffee, and to enjoy the quiet of the house. I've been pushing myself hard for the last 3-4 days, so it feels good to take a morning "off".

I'm still, sometimes, doing battle with the trust and self-esteem issues handed to me by several players from my past (these have included family members, significant others, as well as people who called themselves my friends.) Apparently, I was born without the ability to spot a nasty when I was right next to them.

I'm learning, in my ripe old age, how to defend myself sooner and better from those who would wish to take advantage of me, or do me harm. Reading well-reviewed books, and researching healing techniques online have helped.

There is hope. If I can recover, anyone can.
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TheGal
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Default Jan 30, 2023 at 03:56 PM
  #126
I can identify with parts the above post.Today, though, was a cry day for me. I cried and cried. And I slept.
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Default Jan 31, 2023 at 05:16 AM
  #127
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Originally Posted by TheGal View Post
I feel pretty much the same, but would push the dates back farther.

I think I need to forgive myself, offer self-compassion and acceptance.

But all that seems easier said than done.
I don't like to glorify the past

I am aware it is non-sense to talk like this, it is just that I lost control and a serious of bad events happened globale

I personally can only re-think my actions
Because I have not been a saint. At all

I started to think I was punished by karma or something

I don't want to see my older sister anymore. She was so worse than me, and childish beyond the line
I used to protect her and she didn't even realize
She never helped me with my unemployment condition. And despite being labelled like trash i am aware that just few years ago i used to be a working person who also help others
She did the minimum and never cared for any ethical issue. And i cant blame depression cause she finds plenty of time for malicious hobbys

I dont want to talk like this, but I lost completely control in 2017. My fault
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Default Jan 31, 2023 at 08:43 AM
  #128
I’m feeling strong and resilient. 5 weeks with no emotional dysregulation and counting…

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Default Jan 31, 2023 at 04:22 PM
  #129
I got my laundry done. The basket was overflowing and the top wouldn't close. It was so stressful to look at but some days I was too tired and other days my 4 month old niece was over. My therapist and I call her the angry cat. I had a dream one time during a 2 hour nap about an angry cat and when I woke up I found out my niece had been screaming that whole time. She will cry at almost anything and will sometimes cry all day once she gets started.

But anyways, she wasnt here today and so I finally got the 4 loads of laundry done so I feel less stressed about that issue at least.

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Default Jan 31, 2023 at 09:45 PM
  #130
I decided to quit online dating for good and just to do this the old fashioned way - meet someone and develop a sense of knowing them even before the dating. I will have to keep in mind that it could be a long time but heck, I may find myself along the way. Something like Jim and Pam in The Office.

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Default Feb 01, 2023 at 08:10 AM
  #131
He managed to antagonize me to tears last night. I am proud of myself that I didn’t go on an angry rant like in the past, knowing there’s no point anyway, he doesn’t hear me. What really got me was when he gaslit me over something that just made my head explode. One part of our struggle is how he is compelled to do what I call a “do over”. This is part of the pattern that he has done countless times, and we have fought over it. Last night, he did it. When I called him out on it, he acted like it was the first time he ever heard of it. Unbelievably gaslighting! So that prompted tears for me. It’s quite a trigger to feel that destabilized.

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Default Feb 01, 2023 at 08:27 AM
  #132
I feel like it is a huge effort that I need to make to start my day and do something good with it. I need to individuate from him. I don’t want to face another day of this with him.

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Thumbs up Feb 01, 2023 at 09:25 AM
  #133
I watched a movie today.

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Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch.

Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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Default Feb 02, 2023 at 08:11 AM
  #134
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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed View Post
I got my laundry done. The basket was overflowing and the top wouldn't close. It was so stressful to look at but some days I was too tired and other days my 4 month old niece was over. My therapist and I call her the angry cat. I had a dream one time during a 2 hour nap about an angry cat and when I woke up I found out my niece had been screaming that whole time. She will cry at almost anything and will sometimes cry all day once she gets started.

But anyways, she wasnt here today and so I finally got the 4 loads of laundry done so I feel less stressed about that issue at least.
Thank you, @Mountaindewed, for sharing this. Your dream-maker (inside your brain?) is very clever. Such a cute account. And good for you, getting your laundry done.

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Default Feb 02, 2023 at 08:24 AM
  #135
Reading posts, & trying to plan a doable day.

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Default Feb 02, 2023 at 11:46 AM
  #136
I'm having trouble coping today. I think I'll try to take a nap.
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Thumbs up Feb 02, 2023 at 10:02 PM
  #137
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Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn View Post
Reading posts, & trying to plan a doable day.
Just don’t over do yourself with too much.

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Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch.

Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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Thumbs up Feb 02, 2023 at 10:05 PM
  #138
I watch a few movies and some self help videos and journaling my feelings.

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Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch.

Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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Thumbs up Feb 02, 2023 at 10:06 PM
  #139
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Originally Posted by TheGal View Post
I'm having trouble coping today. I think I'll try to take a nap.
Hang in there

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Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch.

Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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Default Feb 03, 2023 at 06:43 AM
  #140
Coping well and keeping things very simple having just been through a very difficult and also a very positive six weeks in terms of building some valued relationships. I feel like I've grown a little bit.

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