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TishaBuv
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Default Mar 22, 2023 at 07:59 AM
  #281
I feel sad for my mother, and guilty. She has decompensated into a severely openly angry, toxic person. She’s very elderly, so I excuse and forgive her. She’s very ill. I feel guilty because she wanted me to be her rescuer, and I couldn’t do it. Much of this is contrarian and convoluted as to what she actually wanted from me. Her wishes were only expressed in passive aggressive ways, so I am not really sure what she wanted anyway. But, the idea I should feel guilty has come across loud and clear.

She is being so antagonistic I am honestly afraid someone will hurt her.

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Last edited by TishaBuv; Mar 22, 2023 at 08:01 AM.. Reason: Add more
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Default Mar 22, 2023 at 11:12 AM
  #282
My T suggested a workbook called "The Neurodivergent Friendly Workbook of DBT Skills" A workbook of Dialectical Behaviour Therapy Skills reframed to be neurodivergent friendly with the added bonus of accessible mindfulness practices, sensory strategies and managing meltdowns. By Sonny Jane Wise

I am hoping this will be helpful in helping me with my emotions.

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Default Mar 22, 2023 at 12:16 PM
  #283
Quote:
Originally Posted by SlumberKitty View Post
My T suggested a workbook called "The Neurodivergent Friendly Workbook of DBT Skills" A workbook of Dialectical Behaviour Therapy Skills reframed to be neurodivergent friendly with the added bonus of accessible mindfulness practices, sensory strategies and managing meltdowns. By Sonny Jane Wise

I am hoping this will be helpful in helping me with my emotions.
That sounds really interesting, let us know how that works for you Kitty.
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Default Mar 22, 2023 at 07:26 PM
  #284
By sitting back and trying to organize a way of life that is a little more concise than the usual tries

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Unhappy Mar 22, 2023 at 07:49 PM
  #285
I decided to write about my feelings

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Default Mar 22, 2023 at 08:55 PM
  #286
Not coping that well. My friend is dying. She's had chemo and all but is full of tumours including her brain. She is 20 years older than me, and a bit of a mother figure in my mind. She lives far away now, so I basically said goodbye over the phone today and that I loved her. She didn't say she loved me back but just to "take care." My husband says I shouldn't be hurt as she has brain cancer and is very foggy. Her husband was in the background telling her what to say a few times recently on the phone because she loses track of things. I couldn't hear him this time though.

Anyway, I loved her and will miss her. Her medically-assisted death is in a week. I don't know what else to do. Nothing I guess.
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Default Mar 23, 2023 at 05:53 AM
  #287
I’m praying a lot because it’s out of my hands now. I made the break and it will be what it will be. I am so anxious that the good outcome I expect will somehow not be and I will have some awful outcome. This is me catastrophizing, not healthy thinking, but still…so much anxiety until I finally know. Nail biter.

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Default Mar 23, 2023 at 12:00 PM
  #288
I'm not sure. I am longing to do some unhealthy behavior (SH) but I am trying not to. I wish I could have another session with my T this week and I kind of hinted at it but didn't ask directly (I know, that's on me). I did a bit of journaling. I am trying to figure out what things are soothing to me and when they would be soothing. Like last night I was laying in bed and I had the comforter on, but not the sheet and the ceiling fan was on and my dog, Zoey, was laying by me. It was comforting and soothing (I am trying to learn how to self-soothe! It's so hard!) and I found that soothing but it wouldn't be soothing if I was in an intensely or even moderately distressed state. I was in a relaxed state so it was soothing. I need to learn how to soothe myself when I am more distressed.

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Default Mar 24, 2023 at 03:46 AM
  #289
When my mother can't copy (totally understandable to say the least) i am also not copying
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Default Mar 24, 2023 at 11:02 AM
  #290
I didn't cope well yesterday. I self harmed. I hope to cope better today.

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Default Mar 25, 2023 at 09:28 PM
  #291
Went to the gym today - that always makes me feel better.. afterwards! lol
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Default Mar 26, 2023 at 07:37 AM
  #292
So far so good , no thinking , no analyzing , letting all the ******** go ! I don't have the control over my life that I imagine to have every day..... it's in Gods hands now.....

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Default Mar 26, 2023 at 08:22 AM
  #293
I dreamed about hugging him and woke up wishing it could be. Feeling all the mixed emotions and talking myself back down to reality and healthy.

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Unhappy Mar 26, 2023 at 09:24 AM
  #294
I been talking :grouphug back to :eek negative thoughts I have because I been :hug feeling really down lately about : myself

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Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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Default Mar 28, 2023 at 08:53 PM
  #295
All day I did nothing. That's not coping.
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Heart Mar 30, 2023 at 01:25 PM
  #296
I been reading It didn’t start with you How inherited family trauma shapes who we are and how to end the cycle Mark Wolynn what I am reading is making sense to me

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Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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Default Mar 30, 2023 at 01:55 PM
  #297
Last night I felt like I was going to go crazy so I decided to leave my house for once and do some shopping. My anxiety was tough when I woke up but I got it under control. My shopping went good. When I got home I was feeling kinda queasy. Then I drank a zero sugar cucumber lime Gatorade and my stomach pain just like erupted. So I took some tylenol and some tablet pepcid. Not the chewable kind I had been taking. Now things are becoming somewhat manageable.

So overall my anxiety and moods were ok today. My physical issues still aren't 100%

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Default Apr 02, 2023 at 07:59 PM
  #298
I took a walk and went out on my own which I am desperately in need of.

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Unhappy Apr 05, 2023 at 11:31 AM
  #299
Worry about whether or not my niece will become with me because of my nephew telling my niece things that are private.

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Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch.

Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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Default Apr 06, 2023 at 07:32 PM
  #300
I'm getting just one or two things done each day. Not expecting a lot of myself. But I'm kind of satisfied with what's getting done.
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