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Default Apr 12, 2023 at 06:22 AM
  #21
I have heard of this method before but I think I am way past writing a letter that has no intention of being read. I guess I can understand the therapeutic psyche behind it but when it comes to physical harm to my dog it goes a lot deeper than that. I do appreciate your input, however.
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Default Apr 12, 2023 at 11:33 AM
  #22
Given the depth of the anger you experience with this particular person, I think this experience triggered something from your past where something you loved was hurt and you were powerless to stop it. Whatever it was that was important to you was invalidated leaving you with a deep trauma that never got resolved.
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Default Apr 12, 2023 at 07:22 PM
  #23
Greetings, Open Eyes,

I have had two traumatic events in my life seeing loved ones die. The first was my best friend. Years ago he was on his way to work and he was killed by a maniac running from the State Police. The second was watching my sister battle cancer for years then finally succumbing to it. I think about those events often but I'm not sure it has anything to do with my current anger. I simply don't know.
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Default Apr 12, 2023 at 08:49 PM
  #24
I understand your feelings and I love my pets. That said... you must drop the urge for revenge. Nothing good can come of it, and you could end up in serious trouble. You have already intimidated him so that he retreats from you. Let that be enough. If Ruby were alive and could speak, what do you think she would say to you? I'll bet her loving heart would not want you to focus on negatives.

How to drop it? Like a hot coal. Just drop it. It's great that you've gotten fit. However, this incident and your anger are eating away at you and clouding your judgment. You speak of church and I assume you are Christian so I will quote:

Romans 12:19-21 King James Version (KJV)
Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.

Matt. 5 Verses 38 to 48
[39] But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. [40] And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloke also.

Another non-Biblical quote "Anger is an acid that does more damage to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured."

Recently I've discovered the philosophy of Stoicism and I find it helped me a LOT with my anger. "Stoic" has come to mean someone who is not emotional, but that is not what the original philosophy intended. A Stoic was someone who believed that satisfaction and contentment in life was only to be found in living a virtuous life. Any negative emotions must not be dwelled on but should be processed and let go of. A Roman emperor, Marcus Aurelius, actually forgave a friend of his who turned traitor and tried to break up the empire. As you can imagine this was unusual behaviour for an emperor (!) but he was a Stoic and saw no victory in revenge. Stoics try never to react in anger, but to step back and wait until their head is cool, and then respond in a rational manner.

I will leave you with a quote from Nietzsche: "Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster... For when you gaze into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you."
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Default Apr 12, 2023 at 09:11 PM
  #25
You know that if you punch that guy, it would be an escalation, right? He didn't punch you. He didn't even purposefully set his dog on yours. All he did was to not apologize and to act "smug."

So by assaulting him, you would not even be following the Old Testament dictate of "an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth" - did you know that dictate was not written to encourage people to take revenge, but actually to stop them from escalating?

And Jesus said turn the other cheek, so why do you

go to church if you are wilfully planning revenge, thus flouting Jesus's teachings?

And I doubt you are going to stop at a punch. You've been nursing your anger for years. Please look up the Sunk Cost fallacy, which can be a psychological trap.

Please save yourself from this revenge fantasy. Read. Write. Pray.
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Default Apr 13, 2023 at 04:22 AM
  #26
I think that you love and value not only certain people but also animals, in your case your dogs This neighbor failed to respect that and as a result you have grown to resent him.
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Default Apr 13, 2023 at 06:30 AM
  #27
Good Morning, Samicat,

Thank you for your feedback.

A few things I'd like to address:

Please don't confuse my going to church with being (a) Christian. Yes, I go to church but that in itself is not a magic pill to erase all my struggles. I still cuss when I get irritated and I have unpleasant thoughts (obviously). However, I strive to better myself as time goes on. I'll never be the Bible-thumping-you're-going-to-Hell-if-you're-not-saved type. That's just not me.

You also ask what would Ruby want? I think somewhere in the earlier messages I stated that her being the sweetheart she was, even she would want me to drop it. As much as I struggle I just can't. Hence my going to church and seeking this forum. Will I ever come to peace with this struggle? Only God knows.

I appreciate the fact you love you animals. I have to ask, have you ever seen your pet get attacked followed by the responsible party being smug and uncaring? I'm willing to bet you haven't. But then, maybe you have. My point is is if you experienced what I went through and you found it in yourself to "drop it", then my hat is off to you. You can handle those situations far better than I ever could.

Now about the whole assault thing. I hope you understand what I'm saying. I'm not looking to just walk up to him and hit him. I could have done that years ago as I could have camped outside his house and waited for the opportunity. No, I would just treasure the one day he runs his mouth and I could bark back and let things go from there. Not very Christian, I agree. However, that is what I think about. Maybe I could just leave well-enough alone as it is clear he wants to avoid me. He knows he's wrong and a coward.

Lastly, all your Biblical quotes were very comforting. Ever since my struggle with this, I have written down a few of my own and recite them quietly when I have a few minutes. I find comfort in that. A particular favorite is 1 Corinthians 9:26.... "Therefore I do not run aimlessly. I do not box as one beating the air."

I wish you peace.
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Default Apr 13, 2023 at 06:33 AM
  #28
Right on, Open Eyes.
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Default Apr 13, 2023 at 07:34 AM
  #29
How about you take an attitude that you will leave him to karma? Would that work for you maybe? The idea that what we put out in this life has a tendency to come back to us in some shape or form?
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Default Apr 13, 2023 at 07:54 AM
  #30
Hello, Discombobulated,

Interesting you should mention karma as another forum member Private Messaged me and explained their experience similar to mine and how karma issued the payback.

If karma were to visit, I'd sure like to be around when it does but I realize I have zero control over that.
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Default Apr 13, 2023 at 02:27 PM
  #31
I'm not a Bible-thumper either (not religious), but it does strike me as contradictory to be going to a Christian church while also actively planning to violate some of the clearest rules Jesus laid out, such as to love thine enemy, and to turn the other cheek.

I must admit I was trying to shock you a bit, to get you to see the problem with clinging to this plan. Apparently I failed.

Let me try again - he was awful for the way he behaved. But if you don't stop bullying him and planning revenge, you are a worse person than him.

I know you have based losing weight and getting fit on having revenge. The following may help:

Sunk Cost Fallacy - the phenomenon whereby a person is reluctant to abandon a strategy or course of action because they have invested heavily in it, even when it is clear that abandoning it would be more beneficial.

Do you really want to be the victim of false reasoning?

I'm not going to be checking this thread again because it upsets me. Good luck. I hope you see Ruby again one day. I certainly hope to see my pets again who are deceased.
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Default Apr 13, 2023 at 06:22 PM
  #32
I understand going to church may be "contradictory" but it appears you missed the point. Again, going to church was never meant to be a magic pill. I may go for the rest of my life and still struggle to find closure. Also, you say you're not religious yet you seem to have a lot to say about God, forgiveness and several Bible verses which I found interesting.

You seem to have avoided answering my question on whether you ever experienced what I did. I'll respectfully assume you didn't (and I'm glad). It is best to hold off on judgement until you experience some things first-hand. I might also add that I don't need to be "shocked" into anything. I'm way too old for that. Come at me in a mature and civil matter and we're golden.

It also appears you misunderstood my anger as I am not "planning" revenge. Yes, I would like it but it's nothing I "plan". Big difference. In your opinion you may think I'm a bully or "worse" than the offending party which is fine. I however, see it completely different than that.

Peace.
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