Progress

So I’ve started working once a week with a personal trainer at my gym. I had my consult on Thursday and honestly, I really liked her. We actually have a lot in common and we are on the same page regarding my health, my goals, etc. We did an in body scan, and I know it sounds ridiculous, but I was proud of myself for not freaking out when I saw the number on the scale. It’s more than I’ve ever been, but I was able to accept it and view it as strictly a number, which is all it is. I’ve also started going to Aqua Zumba classes every Saturday morning… I have to admit they’re harder than you might think lmao. I’m looking into non-degree college courses in illustration and graphic design as well. The problem is, the college near me where they have really cool classes will only let you take 4 courses before you have to declare a major for a bachelor’s degree. I already have a bachelor’s degree, and from what I’ve learned in my research on art forums, it honestly seems like a waste of time and money to go for a second one. An MFA is not feasible— my bachelor’s was in the arts, but I’ve been out of the field for way too long. I’d like to start courses this August, but I have a lot going on, so that may not happen. I finished my dad’s website and have sent him the final draft for review, and I’m enjoying not having to talk to him right now. All the same, I have to take ten days off in July to drive back east to my parents’ house to pack up the items my grandma left me and bring them to Colorado. So I’ll have to spend time with him again. On the plus side, my mom has promised me we’ll go to the beach a couple times when I’m back there, which really excites me. I love the mountains, no question; but I’ve always been what my folks called a “water baby” LOL. Work is going okay— we got another person who’s working part time and then will become full time next month. Still not my favorite place to be, but bills need paid. Not a whole lot new with me otherwise, but it seems like I’m on the right track

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Sounds good and well done on your gym work - I really admire you for that.

Well done. Sounds like things are moving in the right direction.

Focusing on health, school and family all require an intense amount of energy and focus but to address them simultaneously is Herculean. Keep it up.

Thanks everyone— my trainer is awesome! I’m hoping to take courses this fall, although that may be tricky, since fall kicks off flu season. Still researching it. Didn’t do my aqua Zumba class this past Saturday because I agreed to work for a few hours on Friday (one of my days off), and come Saturday i was just really burnt out. I’ll definitely go this Saturday though, because not only is it so much fun, but it’s heartening to see other people in the class who are my size. It has to be said that when I’m working with my trainer or doing the workouts on my own, the only people I see who are also working out look like supermodels. Not very comforting. Doesn’t mean I don’t work out— in fact, this morning I did the upper body workout my trainer set up for me last week. But it’s hard to miss when I’m there.

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I have always been a firm believer that the hardest part about working out is getting up and actually doing it. I don't know how many times I have been in bed or tired after work and the only thing I want to do is relax with a sandwich and a remote. But after I talk myself into getting moving, I'm so glad that I do. Before I know it I have a couple of miles or a couple sets under my belt and from there, everything falls into place. After I workout I'm sweaty, sore and tired but am so grateful I did it.

And I understand about the anticipation about fellow gym-goers and how they may look. DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT. FOCUS ON YOU!!!!! When I started running I was so conscientious about how I must look to others but once I got a mile or two in, I was golden. That, and after running for a couple of years and losing some weight, my confidence skyrocketed. Now I get mad at myself if I miss a run. It's all about lifestyle and the changes you need to make that work best for you and your goals.

Hang in there and keep pushing forward.

Eh… not sure the training is worth it. I have my next in-body scan this Thursday, so we’ll see. I’m really hoping I’ve gained some muscle. I don’t really feel empowered after doing these training sessions. My trainer is great, but she always pushes me to or even sometimes past the point where i can do reps properly. Granted, muscles develop under stress and pressure, and I’m paying her to do this. Last Thursday sucked though— I’d gotten maybe 2 hours of sleep, and I just felt totally defeated while we were doing the training session. It’s probably more my response to the training than anything else, and my attitude. But that sensation really sticks with you. Hopefully this week’s workout will end on a more positive note.

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Oh that doesn’t sound good if you can’t do reps properly - it’s important to maintain form to get benefits/avoid injury.

Personally I wouldn’t exercise after poor sleep it seems like a recipe for exhaustion. Can you feed back how it’s going for you to her?

I’ve been exercising years and tbh especially as I get older I have no qualms about taking it easier sometimes. It’s the long aim.

Yeah, I don’t think I’m going to stick with the training. I don’t blame my trainer. I just don’t think it’s working for me right now. We chatted last week after the training session, and she told me that, however badly she wants this for me, I have to want it for myself. And the more I think about it, the more I realize that I don’t want this badly enough. I don’t know why or wherefore, but my head is not in the game. It’s not that I don’t go in and do the workouts. But I am very, very stressed these days, and frankly, I don’t have the desire to put myself in yet another exhausting and painful situation when work already does that. I just don’t see the point. It’s not like I’ve made any measurable progress.

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I guess it partly depends on how you measure progress and what your end goal is?

For me at my age I know my stats are not as ‘good’ as they were 10 years ago for instance and I’m not getting the PRs I did and nor will I again. But I’m okay with it because broadly I’m keeping active, and all the spin offs from that which for me include mental health ones. I’ll be honest I wouldn’t like to have a personal trainer, I don’t want to be pushed, that doesn’t work for me so I get why you’re thinking about dropping it.

How do you feel about making exercise just for you, at your own pace without any pressure from others?

Thanks for your feedback— I guess my issue is 1) I don’t really have a clear idea in my head of what “progress” looks like for me (maybe building muscle???) and 2) after years of forcing myself to exercise when sick and in pain and as punishment for eating more than 300 calories a day, I can’t shake the concept of exercise as being something horrible.

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It sounds like you’ve got a good perspective on why you might have some negative thoughts about exercising. That’s part of progress in itself.

I think fwiw what we decide progress is for us can be a changeable thing and that’s okay. Building muscle sounds like a good start. Are there things you could do to make that more enjoyable? For me, favourite music helps, or a nice short workout via YouTube.

Not really… It all sucks, except for maybe swimming.

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Swimming is my favourite too

Cool I don’t know how you feel when you’re in the water, but for me, it’s very cathartic— I feel energized and like I’ve gotten a good, strenuous workout in at the same time. It’s very soothing and yet also invigorating.

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Yes - exactly that! You describe it very well, it feels almost meditative to me.