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indigo1015
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Default May 16, 2023 at 12:40 AM
  #1
I can’t get to sleep, so I’m not going to try. I’m a night owl by nature, and if I can’t fall asleep until after midnight, I can’t. Besides, I have too much swirling in my head right now, and I need to get it out. I really, really hate Denver. It’s overpriced and yuppified to death by rich Californian bimbos, the traffic is heinous, and downtown has turned into a pisshole. It’s rife with crime and homeless people. My property taxes skyrocketed this year, and I just feel defeated by everything. I moved out here ten years ago in the hopes that I’d have space to myself. I envisioned it as being like it was way back in the nineties when we’d visit my folks out here. It’s not— it’s become a snotfest and I hate it. Things are improving at work, but it’s still not what I want to do with my life. My neck is hurting a lot and my doctor’s appointment is tomorrow, and that is stressing me out too. I guarantee you all the doc’s gonna do is tell me I need to lose weight and see the next patient, without talking to me or bothering to find out that I have a personal training session weekly and go to the gym on my own three additional times a week. Because doctors are dickheads like that. I hate doctors. I hate yuppies. I hate smokers. I hate people. What I want, what I dream of, is to have a small house in the middle of nowhere, with a studio, a veggie/herb garden, a dog and a cat. My own sanctuary where no one ****s with me or gives me a bad ****ing time. That is what I want.

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indigo1015
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Default May 16, 2023 at 01:03 AM
  #2
Also, I went back on zoosk and it’s not going well. Every guy who’s tried to initiate a conversation with me is either over 44 years, a Californian, or a smoker. When I VERY clearly state that I’m looking for someone between 36 and 44 years and that I don’t date Californians or smokers. Do guys think I wrote that **** just to be cute or something?

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Default May 16, 2023 at 06:23 AM
  #3
I can ID with a lot of your feelings about places like California and Colorado being , not exactly what your looking for , to put it mildly. I can sense your overall anger and frustration with ****ing people. People talk about cleaning up the environment , yet they allow dirty , homeless , mostly junkies , to live on their streets. They allow crime to just run rampant and is destroying many , what used to be , nice cities. The thing is this , what your looking for is out there. You just have to find it. Commit yourself to finding it. Don't let the scumbags end up giving you a defeatist, depressed and angry mindset. Take some time to explore whatever options you have. ( BTW , I'm gonna be honest and tell you I'm 68 , a little over the threshold Lol.) I'm not gonna lie. Good luck on your journey.

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Default May 16, 2023 at 11:04 AM
  #4
Thanks moodyblue, appreciate the advice and the commiseration lol. The doc was actually really nice today, but it looks like I’ve gained a few pounds according to my discharge papers. I always ask the MA to not tell me what the scale says when they weigh me, but since I’ve been exercising, I was curious, so I looked at the papers. Shouldn’t have done that.

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Default May 18, 2023 at 10:04 AM
  #5
You’re doing great with your exercise routine, hope you won’t let weight gain dishearten you, it’s possible you’ve gained muscle especially if you’ve been doing weights.
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Default May 22, 2023 at 10:51 AM
  #6
I am literally in tears right now… went in to do my strength training circuit and I felt like a total failure. Couldn’t do it. All I could think of was that I am a loser. So I decided to do my cardio workout instead today. I was crying and seething with rage as i pounded my feet on the treadmill. After my workout, I went up to the guy at the front desk with the intent of asking him where they kept punching bags so I could punch the **** out of one; as soon as I opened my mouth, however, I literally started bawling. I couldn’t even speak coherently. It was very awkward. I feel miserable. My trainer and I are going to talk about it on Thursday. I texted her and told her I planned on quitting if the inbody scan doesn’t show any progress, despite our six-month contract. She was adamant that I stick with it, and said that weight is not the only metric that we are tracking and that a lot of factors contribute. We’ll talk about it on Thursday. I know I’m very tired most of the time and my job stresses me out Big-time. I also binge eat late at night. Those are probably not helping. All I know is that I feel very defeated.

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Default May 22, 2023 at 12:28 PM
  #7
(((Indigo))) we are here for you anytime you need to talk. Your trainer is right, you’ll have been gaining in lots of ways (not all of them necessarily measurable) from your routine please don’t be discouraged.

You’re most certainly not a loser, not from my stand point anyway.
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