[Blah nlah]

What am I? Im not a housewife, im not married. Im not a student, I dropped out. Im only a daughter, but a daughter who cooks something or the other for herself and her dad every day, manages the laundry, groceries, mopping, sweeping, cleaning the bathrooms, and even making breakfast nowadays (otherwise we ate bread and eggs) lately we’re having tasty things since I started preparing special stuff like caramel pudding, bread pudding, lentil and vegetable soup, and more. Sometimes I feel bad for not working enough. Sometimes I feel exhausted with working too much. I need to divide the responsibilities with my dad, but I feel guilty coz he’s 60 years old. I don’t feel like giving him much work. I don’t even know how to divide the work. I’ll figure something out.
Sometimes I imagine my mom as though she’s with me. And she’s talking to me. Or just an imaginary mom. Who left first? Me or her? I felt confused. I hope she’s not too stressed. She works in the same place as my sister. They live with us in that house but sometimes my dad and I push off to the other house. Yesterday I felt tired of having two different house rules. One house I’m not allowed to use my mom’s bathroom or to go in her room. I feel jailed over there. Here there’s a lot of freedom. I do the laundry in that house also, but I swear! It is hard to stay in two houses. I’m told to wash my own clothes, along with dad’s in a separate cycle. I think I’m not allowed to wash her clothes. I forgot. They haven’t legally separated. Only emotionally. Sometimes I feel I caused it, because if I hadn’t spoken up, things wouldn’t have changed. But whom to blame? We’re all at fault. I miss my mom. But only the good stuff. Not the yelling and shouting. Not the crying and sobbing. I guess I’m still upset with her for leaving me. Or maybe she’s upset with me for leaving her. I just want a stable life. Is housework really that important? If I don’t work, it’s noticeable. The house kinda loses its shine. My dad said the bathroom is dirty. He never needs to say that coz I usually keep it so clean. But then I got exhausted and I took a week's break. Dad cooked some nonsense, I made bread and eggs, I left the clothes without folding them, I left the floor without sweeping it and I don’t know. Maybe it was noticeable. It feels like a divorce. Even though it isn’t. Mom said I am the one who gave them the idea, to let them divorce. Nah it’s not true. Who’ll believe me? I know she won’t. It’s only cooking that’s tough. I used to clean the house. I have washed vessels for a few weeks during covid. I used to dry the clothes and did a lot of work. Even when I was only 10 years old. I remember coz I have journaled. I’d be late for school because I would pack the tiffins with the food she made, I’d water the plants, wash the windshield of her car, feed the cat, etc. Evenings I would study, clean the cat’s litter box, dry the clothes and fold them, blah blah blah blah
Bruh I have worked because my mom and I lived alone when my dad was in the armed forces. She cooked, an aunty came to help us clean the floor and wash the dishes,
Now?? Why am I so sad? There’s nothing much for me to do. I only have to cook breakfast. And get groceries and do basic cleaning. Why is it exhausting? I don’t know. I’ll ask my dad things I need help with. Then I’ll say, it’s probably the distance that hurts.

[CANDC]

@Blah nlah I am sorry it sounds like you are doing all the upkeep of the house and sometimes not feeling like that. Sometimes customs are different in different countries, but from what you say, this is not the kind of life you were hoping for.

What do you see yourself doing or being in 5 years. @CANDC