Coping with multiple bad news

Sorry that seems like bad grammar, there’s probably a better way to write it but I’m feeling bombarded right now.

I’ve experienced bad situations around me, close to me, but not all at once/in quick succession.

Recently it has been one awful thing after another, my close family, friends. Serious illnesses and today the death of my husband’s good friend. I’ve never known as many things come at us as fast and thick as they have. I’m reeling.

How do you get through states of constant bad situations around you? I feel overwhelmed.

Okay. No replies.

Just saw this! I’m so sorry that’s got to be hard.

Very fun house discombobulated feels and emotions. I wish you the best.

Sorry I didn’t see this sooner.

Thanks for your reply Nammu - I guess really there isn’t an answer for when multiple stuff comes at you and that’s maybe why I’m not getting replies on this one.

Yeah, it is hard. Especially when it stuff you have no control over.

Sorry, D. Just saw this.

I think we can all get overwhelmed by what life throws at us. Sorry about the loss of your husband's friend and everything else that you're experiencing.

When I find myself in a dark place, I talk it over with my wife or daughter who are both very grounded and sensible. They can rationalize far better than I can when I feel overwhelmed, disappointed, helpless, etc. I hope nothing but the best for you.

I am so sorry you are experiencing so many major life stressors and losses right now. That would be very overwhelming for anyone. Do you have a supportive person in your life you can lean on? Do you have a good therapist?

During times of immense stress I try to stick with my routine as much as possible. I am someone who really needs a routine to ground them, even on regular days with no particular life stress. I do very badly with unstructured time. Especially if I am in a bad place emotionally. A huge part of my daily routine revolves around hiking with my dogs. Some days, if I'm feeling terrible, I have to really force myself to leave the house and I don't enjoy the hike at all, but I'm always glad I made the effort. And I really like to see my dogs happy. (If it wasn't for my dogs I certainly wouldn't make the effort to hike every day). So movement/outdoor exercise is a crucial part of my daily routine, even if I don't always enjoy it.

I also find journaling quite helpful as a tool to help me process things, but I can't always do it, especially if I feel like I've been hit by a bus from a particular stress event. And it's not that journaling fixes anything, but it is a safe and private way for me to express some of the thoughts and feelings crashing around inside my head.

I feel hypocritical giving any kind of advice to anyone as I am really struggling in my own life right now and making a huge mess of some very important relationship stuff. But your post did get me thinking about what I do when I feel like I can't stand one single additional stressor in my life (which is pretty much every day).

I really hope the tide turns for you soon and I wish you much more peaceful times ahead

I don't have much to add to the good replies above, but I do have a general warning: When many bad things happen at once, it can snowball because people may "blame the victim" -- people are distressed hearing about others' misfortune and want to believe it can't happen to them, so they may sometimes attribute someone's bad luck to being deserved or "manifested" by the person themselves. Or people may act like bad luck is somehow contagious and simply avoid you. I mean things like illness or death can happen to anyone, but I have noticed in my own life that when I have a run of bad luck, some people including family can turn away or even turn on me when I most need support. For instance my husband has a disability that resulted in a fractured work history and he lost his job during Covid due to low seniority - for us it was an awful blow and what made it worse was that many family members seemed to decide it was his fault as nobody else in his family lost their job due to the pandemic. And we didn't ask anyone for financial help (he did qualify for government help although it was 1/3 of his normal salary), just empathy.


While it's good to talk about it with people you can trust, be aware about a lot of venting or complaining, and maybe save it for a forum like this or a professional therapist. What I'm trying to do in my own life is just stay really mindful, write in a journal, meditate and pursue daily spiritual practice, and also read spiritual or self-help articles and books. I'm no longer as quick to share my struggles with people in my social circle unless I know they will understand and have suffered greatly themselves.

I don't think it was mentioned above, so I'll say you might research "compound grief". This can occur when you experience multiple losses at once.

Having gone through this, I can tell you what NOT to do. Don't try to suppress your emotions, but try not to wallow. Don't allow stress to overtake you, actively work toward managing it if it gets to be too much. Cry and get it out if/when you can. Take GREAT care of yourself so that it doesn't damage your health. Grief can wreck your body. Lean into any support system you have and avoid negative people. Take life minute by minute if you have to. Don't beat yourself up if you're not coping well.

Good luck, I hope it gets better.

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate all of these replies and they’ve had me nodding. I’d like to reply individually when I’ve got more time and formed my thoughts but want to say right now this has been very helpful.

Thanks Revenge Tour - I am very fortunate in that my adult son is a good support and when he’s got time (he works a lot) we can talk through everything- he’s very good at balancing me out. I try not to burden him too much however as I know how hard it is seeing your parents struggling to cope.

Other than that, many of my usual mutually supportive relationships are with people who are dealing with very difficult health issues right now and I’m cautious about burdening them because of this.

I’m trying to be a bit more self contained because of this although it really does help when I do talk things through with the right people.

You definitely don’t come across as hypocritical, and practicing these strategies in your daily life you’re well placed to advocate to others.

Structure is important to me too, my pt job does actually keep me afloat and allow me to focus on other stuff. I could probably benefit from more structure tbh, my exercise regime has dropped away unfortunately. Struggling to focus and motivate.

Yes this makes good sense to me, I think you’re right. No one at work knows anything about the catalogue of disaster apart from a few tiny incidents I shared. Apart from anything this is all about other people’s health so I’m wanting to guard their privacy. Also I don’t want unsolicited advice which often seems to be the response because some people want to fix.

I do write more on here than I talk about face to face. I don’t have a therapist, access to therapy is limited here unless you’re well off. Here feels safe although I still don’t want to share too many specifics.

I do think you’re right about people apportioning blame- I have one relative who lost friendships because some people couldn’t resist speculating about the reasons behind their misfortune- it added to their misery sadly. I’m sorry you experienced this too.

Thanks so much- I looked up compound grief and it looks familiar, especially numbness which is where I am now. Sorry you’ve been through this too but thanks for replying. I will keep in mind all that you say.

You're welcome and I realized I fudged it a little bit, it's actually "compounded grief" or "cumulative grief", but I figure you found it.

One thing to add, try not to make any big life decisions/changes until you're back to more of a baseline. This was my biggest mistake and I'm still paying for it. You just aren't yourself or thinking clearly when you're grieving.

Hang in there.

I’m very sorry for your loss and I hope for better days ahead. I know the overwhelming feeling too well.
What has helped me is a note on my fridge. “One day at a time, one step at a time.” I have had compounded grief since 2005. I want you to know you’ll have bad days you’ll have good days. Hold onto the good ones. Express your feelings and it’s okay to cry it’s so very cleansing to the soul. Healing vibes being sent your way.

Moon

More bad news about someone else dear to me today and had to break that news to someone close, she was distraught.

I feel like I lead a pretty charmed life until relatively recently, yes my husband was seriously ill early on in our relationship but he made a good recovery. In some ways I actually think I was a bit spoiled by the good fortune I had. It feels like it’s all coming at once now.

I've been there and it sucks. Again, my best advice is to stay steady, no big decisions, no big life changes. Trust your gut. You will be able to work through it all in time and be stronger on the other side. It sounds like you have some supportive people around you, so lean on each other. Let yourself feel your emotions as much as possible so they don't bottle up and make you mentally/physically sick. Practice mindfulness and focus on things you love. Distract yourself with nature or a silly movie. Lean into your faith if you're religious. Good luck and I hope it gets better soon.

Omg, I’m so sorry to hear that! ::Hugs: :

Words of wisdom!!!