[theeviloneisyou]

When I was a kid, I was very happy-go-lucky. I liked having fun, I got along with my peers, and I very rarely lost my temper. But around the end of elementary school and the start of middle school, that began to change. I started to get very angry, lashing out at classmates, teachers, and my mother. My anger was so bad that it almost got me arrested at least once. While I'm much better at controlling my emotions than I was ten years ago, I still find myself going into blind rages, screaming at people, and

Possible trigger:

getting violent

and belligerent, and it has cost me at least three jobs as of now. I think it has a lot to do with past traumas. Whenever I'm angry, I think back to all the times my mother

Possible trigger:

verbally and physically abused me

, how my father was never there for me as a child, all the people who mocked me for my weight, and all the friends, colleagues, and co-workers who tossed me aside. I've tried therapy, exercise, and drugs (some prescription, some not) but nothing seems to work. Is it just my fate to be a bitter, miserable, and angry person? What should I do? What can I do?

[birdyblues]

Hey there, I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling with this for so long. I don't mean to be redundant if you've already heard this, but it's common for people who've experienced violence from their parents, especially as a child (because children are a vulnerable population and easily influenced), to then go on to model that same behavior towards others. I knew someone who was that way towards me once. The thought I always had when he would mistreat me was that "this isn't him". I knew it wasn't who he was. It was sad because I knew that on the inside, he was sweet, intelligent, caring, and a funny person who people loved to be around. But he was struggling and coping with life the only way he knew how.

So, I think of that behavior as a reflection of poor coping skills, resulting from life events in his case. But not a reflection of who he was as a person. It seems to me that you know that your anger is not who you are. Personally, that makes me feel like you are not fated to be bitter, miserable, or angry. The world is so big, and mental health can be very complicated. But in any case, I do know that you sound like someone who genuinely want's to change and is willing to put in the effort to do that. With that mindset, I think you're already headed in the right direction

[mountainstream]