I got a DUI and was arrested

I think many people could benefit from AA who have a drinking problem but may not be "alcoholic" - that seems to just be a label to me.


One thing I learned while doing my psychology degree is that the "disease model" of an Alcoholic (widely believed) is simply not true. The idea that if someone has one drop of alcohol, it will biologically compel them to binge. It's psychological, not biological. I know this is not the popular view, but it has been proven in countless studies. If you give an "alcoholic" a drink with NO alcohol and tell them it contains alcohol, they are more likely to binge then if you give them a drink WITH alcohol and tell them it contains none. What does that tell us? It doesn't mean the problem is not real, but it is psychological and not biological.

Thus I would have no problem attending AA and saying I'm an alcoholic, because it is a state of mind. AA is a way of meeting other people and having support for living an alcohol-free lifestyle.

I don't know if it's acceptable to just say you have a drinking problem. That's more accurate anyway IMHO. And nobody is going to argue if you got a DUI that you don't have a drinking problem.

I commend you for having such a healthy and constructive response to this unfortunate event.

And yes, luckily nobody got hurt.

Thank you for the book recommendation.

Yes, actually. That night, I ran into the guy I recently dated. He has very quickly moved onto dating another woman and was with her that night. I got upset and started drinking more.

I'm so sorry.. he should have been supportive of you.

Thank you.

I know I need to take full responsibility and turn this negative into a positive for my life and for myself.

Thank GOD no one got hurt. I consider myself extremely lucky and blessed.

What is interesting to me is how turned off by drinking I am right now, and I almost view alcohol as an evil vice. I haven't had any desire for a single beer and I have plenty of beer in my fridge. I have zero cravings and zero desire. This incident was very sobering.. no pun intended, lol. I realize the consequences, and I am thanking God that it wasn't worse, that there wasn't an accident involved, and that no one was hurt. Thank the Lord. This could have been a far worse nightmare.

I am also very lucky that I can take public transportation to and from work easily enough. This week, I am opting to use Uber for work. I have not used the public transportation system here in years because I've always driven, and I am nervous about getting to work on time.

And, a part of me is hanging my head in shame. I know how my deceased father would have reacted - with a very stern, paternal and authoritarian voice. Just like how my mother's first words were "you idiot!!!!".

I am so angry at her for that response. She didn't ask "are you OK?" or "are you hurt?" or "was anyone hurt?" Her first response was to condemn me.

No wonder I've had issues with self esteem. My parents are judgemental and condemning, and they have never truly been supportive of me my entire life. No wonder I've ended up in several abusive relationships, including an abusive marriage!

I am angry right now at both of them.

I know what I need right now, and that is far greater self-love and self-care. And that's what I am going to work on within myself.

Yesterday I decided to work from home for the rest of this week. I decided I am far too emotionally fragile to go into the office this week.

At work, we are allowed 4 work from anywhere weeks during the year, so I am using 1 of them.

It was a HUGE headache and ordeal to get my car towed 22 miles back to my home from where the police towed it. I paid over $500 for my car alone. That includes 2 tows and storage for 5 days.

So, the expense of this vast mistake is costing me over $4000.

A silver lining is that at work, I am paid an annual bonus of 12%, which gets paid out on March 10. This equates to $14,000 or more if we are profitable. That means I can pay off the $4000 come March.

In the meantime, I will have to deal with far higher minimum payments on my cards, and an insurance rate increase when my insurance policy renews.

I will also be attending DUI alcohol/drug awareness classes once per week for 4 months per court order. Luckily, these can be done remotely and around my work schedule.

At least my car is back in my driveway. Thank goodness. It's a relief to see my car again. I felt like a part of me was missing.

No, I will NOT be driving it while my license is revoked.

Oh yeah, it costs $500 to get my license reinstated in 45 days. Another expense.

My state milks you for all your money over a DUI. But it's a serious offense, and here they take it most seriously. I think they try to make the most amount of money they can off of it.

The court waived the $1300 course fee for me. Thank goodness. Otherwise, this would have cost me $5300!

At least it's not as expensive as a wreck and a DUI. Sounds like you got a plan

I know... I keep thinking this could have been SO much worse. And I thank God it was not. I do have a plan.

@Samicat, I do not have a drinking problem. I have abused alcohol at various times in my life, but I certainly can and have abstained, OR I have maintained a normal/acceptable and moderate level of alcohol intake for long periods of time in my life.

Like I wrote in my OP, I have leaned on alcohol at various times as a crutch for stress management. I realize this is unhealthy. At best, I would say that I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, and only during times of my life when life has been extremely stressful for me.

If I did have a real drinking problem, then I would still be drinking right now. And I haven't had a single drink since this incident.

I do take offense to that label. People who truly do have a drinking problem cannot stop themselves from drinking. I do stop drinking and I typically have paced myself and then stop at a certain point before I am drunk or too buzzed.

And I disagree that alcoholism is not a disease. It has been determined to be a disease by medical professionals. Alcoholism can be inherited through genes. This has been documented.

"Like many other substance use disorders, alcohol use disorder is a chronic and sometimes relapsing condition that reflects changes in the brain. This means that when people with the disorder are abstaining from alcohol, they are still at increased risk of resuming unhealthy alcohol consumption, even if years have passed since their last drink.

People who have AUD may continue to use alcohol even though they know it is causing social, health, economic, and possibly even legal problems in their life.

It is important to remember that AUD is not due to an individual’s lack of self-discipline or resolve. Rather, it is a brain disease that can be inherited. Long-term alcohol use can produce changes in the brain that can cause people to crave alcohol, lose control of their drinking and require greater quantities of alcohol to achieve its desired effects. It can also cause people to experience withdrawal symptoms if they discontinue alcohol use."

Alcohol Use Disorder > Fact Sheets > Yale Medicine

Please - let's be mindful of assigning conventional labels. No one here witnesses my intake. No one here knows the real truth except for me. And I am being completely transparent and honest on here and with myself.

But I take umbrage to the label that I have a drinking problem.

Sorry that you took offence to the term. And yes, a predisposition towards alcoholism can be inherited.

I feel like I should add that I used the term "drinking problem" because you had said you had been abusing alcohol. I'm not aware of a clinical definition of that term, but in any case it never seemed to me that you are an alcoholic. I was just thinking if you wanted to try AA because here in my part of the world, they have clubs and social events with no alcohol. But I accept your reasoning and if you don't think you have an issue that sounds reasonable. In my own experience it's just hard to find social gatherings that don't promote alcohol, so I've looked at the "Alano clubs" as they are called here, with a wistful eye. My husband being a musician, we have often been at events where everyone except us is drinking heavily. I find the idea of alcohol-free events rather refreshing.

Thanks @Samicat. I appreciate your last post.

Honestly, I am taking my life one day at a time at the moment. I cannot look beyond the current day or week right now.

I am very overwhelmed by my new job. It's been 4 months, there's STILL SO MUCH to learn, and they're not teaching me what I need to know. I am left on my own a lot of the time, OR I have to try and squeeze it all into a weekly half hour time slot that I get with my boss.

So, I am focused on trying to survive AND thrive at work, without letting them know about my DUI. I was able to work from home this week, thankfully, but next week I will have to commute without my car.

I also feel like being a social recluse. I am being very reflective given this incident and a large part of me feels like being alone in solitude. In fact, I am embracing my solitude right now.

When I get my driver's license back in January, I think I will reassess my social life. I don't want to be around alcoholics because I cannot truly relate to that crowd. I just want to be around healthier minded people doing activities that do not involve alcohol. So, next year I will likely join an outdoor activity group or two, like I've been talking about for a while now.

I kind of feel like it's the universe talking to me right now, nudging me and forcing me in a new and healthier direction. My social life at music clubs has involved some negativity and drama that I don't care for. I am reflecting upon those incidents as well. I don't think that I am necessarily the cause, but I have become ensnared accidentally within some of it. Like I stepped in it accidentally.

I just want a peaceful, happy, and healthier existence. So, yeah, I am doing a lot of reflecting and am reevaluating my life.

I cry just about every morning when I wake up. I cry because I am both grateful and contrite. Grateful that it was not worse, and contrite because I know better.

Also, I cannot sleep a normal night's sleep anymore, so that's messing me up. Last night I fell asleep at 5 pm, just after work ended. I woke up at 1:30 AM. My sleep schedule is SO off because of menopause and my changing body chemistry or hormones. It's nuts.

Thank goodness I do not have a boyfriend right now, for that reason AND because of my DUI.

Man, I feel this especially re: your sleep schedule. I woke at 5am after getting to bed after midnight, and could not get back to sleep. Sometimes I take a teaspoon of raw organic honey half an hour before bed because I read it helps one sleep through the night (you can google it if interested). It does seem to help.

Honey? Amazing. I may try that though I don't have any honey at home atm.

I woke up this morning from the worst nightmare, and I'm freaked out. I had dreamt I was arrested by the police and my car was left in a spot on the street by the cops. I wasn't supposed to drive my car, but when I got out of jail, I snuck to my car and drove it to a party. Then I had to sneak the car back to its spot without the police knowing.

Then I woke up. I was in a sweat. So I got up. It's 3 AM. I feel very contrite over my actions. Not in my dream, but IRL.

This DUI incident is making me think A LOT, and now it's haunting me in my dreams. Awesome. I couldn't sleep through the night before due to menopause, and now I just can't sleep.

Tonight I am taking an Uber out so I can get out and see people and feel normal and not reclusive. Yes, I am enjoying my solo time but I also do need to socialize with people. I need a little bit of normalcy, so I decided to splurge and spend the money so I can feel normal for a night.

My best girlfriend offered to come over to my home and drive me around tomorrow for errands. I am taking her up on that. She hasn't visited my home yet. We live 45 minutes apart. She will also help me to put up my Christmas tree. I am SO grateful for her. Then another good friend will come over on Sunday to take out my A/C units. Other friends are offering me rides and favors. Thank goodness for good friends. If I didn't have any nearby, I think I would sink into a deep depression.

I am grateful.. contrite, self reflective and pensive, but grateful. This DUI incident is effecting me deeply.

Also, I have to take a DUI class for 16 weeks,. I think I mentioned before. FOUR MONTHS? I completely get that it's a very serious offense and must be taken seriously. But what do they address in this class for four months? Couldn't it be two months of alcohol education? I am wincing a bit over this class. At least it's virtual and can be done from home.

I am very thankful that many things can be done from home now due to covid. I can even order supplies from CVS and get them delivered to my home. THANK GOODNESS. YES, covid wreaked havoc and has had a horrible impact, but the silver lining is now we can order just about anything and have it delivered to our homes. That's a plus.

I hope you'll be okay Hope, I'm worried about you

Thank you @felineangel. I am worried too.

So, the bonus amount I will earn in March is a tiny fraction of what I thought or hoped it would be. It will cover the majority of my legal fee, but nothing more.

So, I am going to be strapped financially for the next year while my credit card minimum payments go way up and while my car insurance premium goes way up. This DUI is having a far bigger impact on me financially than I originally anticipated.

Yesterday I was really down in the dumps when I realized or learned this about my bonus from HR. I had hoped I would be eligible for the full 14K bonus amount, but no, they prorate my bonus based on length of employment, and by March, I will have only been employed for 4 months. ARGH.

A small silver lining is at least I get $2350 to cover the $2500 legal fee I had to put on one of my credit cards. That will lower that card's minimum payment again back to normal, but not until March. Until then. I will barely be getting by. I have other big expenses coming up in the New Year that I have NO idea how I will cover them....

GRRRRR.... and the irony is that I am earning a very good salary. But I have credit card debt and expensive bills and my rent is not cheap. I won't even be able to afford to move out to a cheaper apt in June when my lease runs out.

I have to take things day by day and week by week and see where I can pinch and save money. No more ordering food delivery.