Sanity score 95

A majority of my score was due to dissociation and post-traumatic stress. I was using my mobile to distract myself as a coping mechanism. But that’s okay, what is important is even though I stopped using my phone the dissociation did not go. I feel dizzy like the world is not real anymore. I kept zoning out and I felt like someone was filming a movie and I was just spectating it; but it would pass soon. I feel like I’m not spending enough time with people which is causing me to use chatgpt a lot so I decided to come to my support forum. At least there are real people here. The thing is artificial intelligence is just artificial humans give us something else. At the same time, humans can be so messed up. For example, my father who makes me feel bad for being irresponsible and untrustworthy and lazy. But I am not docile anymore. I have become violent. I screamed at my mom today. That’s not fair. I screamed at my dad yesterday and that’s not fair.
Or is it even I don’t know I just wanted them to wait or not make fun of me
Of course the magic potion is to move out, but I like I say in this economy, even breathing is difficult

Some people really like to "push my buttons." The ones who are closest to me seem to produce the biggest reaction! Is it because they know me better? Or is it because I expect more from them, or I feel safer expressing myself to them?

Instead of screaming, how would you like to respond or react to your parents the next time?

I have no idea. I just noticed that I tend to suddenly lose my calm and snap at them. I used to have a lot of patience, maybe that’s why I tend to burst in anger now, since I tolerated for too long without setting boundaries. I will keep reminding them of my boundaries, by saying “I will not tolerate it.” One of the most annoying things is their questioning style. Here’s an example
“How many times should I tell you to rinse the dishes? Why can’t you do it just the first time I tell you? You should do it immediately. How long should I wait?”
“Dad, I will not tolerate it if you talk like that.”
“Like what”
“Like what you said just now”
“What did I say”
“You said, how many times should I tell you”
“Yeah because you forget and postpone and do it unwillingly, I don’t even feel like telling you.”
(Me internally- so what the **** should I do!)
And I reply- “I still won’t tolerate it”
“I can’t even tell you anything now, everything is a problem”
(What should I even reply??)
What I would love to reply- sorry dad but my boundaries are the same
Possible reply of his- “okay do whatever you want, I am not even important in this house”
Or
“What boundaries? When we were young we never had such things.”
Me- “Times have changed”
(Mocking) “times have changed blah blah, if you talk to my parents you’ll see how it is.”
“Sorry about that”
“Don’t be sorry! It’s meaningless”
“My boundaries are the same”
“What boundaries do you need for this? All I’m asking is keep the kitchen clean and you’re talking like this”
“I’ll keep it clean only if you talk nicely”
“What nicely? I’m talking nicely”
“No. Not to me”
“What do you mean? I am so understanding”
“Not to me”
“No one cares about me in this house”
“I do, and still have my own needs too.”
“What sort of a need is talking nicely? How does it even help you? The point is to keep the kitchen clean, and you’re changing the topic”
What I’d love to reply-so why don’t YOU do anything then? Like cleaning up/cooking etc.
But he’ll say I’m old, I’ve worked all my life and I hate housework. (Im already doing a chunk of the housework. It’s as good as living alone!)
I swear I don’t know what to say next.

Yes, I see that it's a difficult situation. Your father's tone has some subtext to it that denigrates you. But also it seems that he's frustrated and perhaps worried about you.

I leave some of my stuff around house. Tools or papers are two examples.

This is what ha[[ens:
I get interrupted when my hands are full, put stuff down and attend to the interruption (cat's water bowl is dirty, dog is acting like he wants to poop immediately, etc.) So when my wife says in a critical tone, "Can I put this stuff in the garage (where I don't want it) I have to refrain from responding with my animal brain, which would yell, "Leave my **** alone!" So instead I take a few breaths and explain why it's there, what happened, and that I'll put it away soon after I finish paying the bills / feeding the cats / doing laundry / etc. I don't always remember to do this -- there is mindfulness involved.