What is this?

I'm wondering if I'm paranoid about a certain situation. Or if I'm just really uncomfortable in the situation, self-conscious, and intimidated.

My boyfriend likes to attend his nieces' and nephews' sports games. I've started attending with him, now that we are living together.
Some background:
He has been separated from his wife for 10 years, and has hired a lawyer because he wants a divorce. She has had her own boyfriend for even longer than 10 years. He has tried numerous times to speak to her about it. She gives him radio silence. The nieces and nephews are her blood (her sister's kids. My boyfriend has a very good relationship w/ that family though. We have gone to family parties where she's there. She completely ignores him and me. It's weird. So I've never formally met her. I do wonder if she is using some kind of strategy of silence regarding the divorce.

My bf and I went to his nephew's basketball game tonight. I left pretty soon into it. Where we were sitting, at first, I felt like she was staring at me, watching me. Though I didn't know where she was. I told him I wanted to switch seats. We did and I noticed she was there, behind us, in the first seats. Then the gym just was really loud and I couldn't deal. I had to leave.

I don't feel comfortable going to all the sports games. Maybe some, but I'm the wrong person for him to look to, to go to these games with. I'm not that person.

I've moved in w/ him. It's a new city. I'm glad I did it, but I need my own circle. My own community. I'd like to join some groups and such, here. Maybe join the gym. On my own.

I care about his nieces and nephews. They're a great family! But I don't see how I can change this. The more I write...the more I think...I'm intimidated by his ex. It's not something I'd like to admit. But there it is.

His sister in law and her husband seem to like my bf more than his ex / her sister. Buy its all just weird / uncomfortable to me. The silent treatment from her is bizarre. I know I can't change anyone's behavior though.

He just finds her annoying, stupid, and doesn't want anything to do with her. But...I feel pretty done trying to fit in with this family (that includes his daughters). I need to take up space and do what feels right for me.

Please, no judgement or shaming me for my life choices. Thanks.

Do you work? When I worked I often went out with my mates. We had softball teams, volleyball teams, and everyone was invited. I’ve heard there’s meet ups too that you can join. But yeah, you need something outside of him. I don’t know that’s my thinking. My sister and her husband both had people from their own work that they hung out with and somethings that they did together. It seemed like the things they did separately gave them more to talk about. But now they are retired they are content to mostly do things together. Seems kind of awkward going to games and being stared at by his ex, especially as she doesn’t seem to want him back. So yeah I find something else to do when he goes.

He’s one devoted uncle. If my husband wanted to go to his nephews games, I’d maybe go sometimes but no way no how it would be a regular occurrence. School games are excruciatingly boring. You can’t pay me to attend. I don’t believe you should feel guilty if you aren’t attending all or in fact any games. I wouldn’t.

Being around ex is uncomfortable. No one would enjoy it. Don’t blame you for feeling weird

Good idea finding your own activities in the area. Good plan. Meetup. Gym. Hobby group. You definitely need your own circle

Is he thinking of filing for divorce? He doesn’t have to discuss it with her. He could just file. It’s a lot of work but I’d prefer divorce being finalized if possible

Thanks, yeah, I definitely would like to do things outside of our relationship! I moved here recently, so I'm still adjusting a little, but I'm doing better than I was. I'm not working right now, but I have a pre-screening phone interview Monday. I'm applying to work.

I am honestly not entirely sure that she's actually watching me. It's entirely possible that I'm just super self-conscious in this situation. It's just so weird / awkward for me. 😭

He is being very kind about it. He did assure me she's a good person/ not malicious. Maybe I just need to believe in myself more. Who knows what her deal is. But in the end, I know I'd like to focus more on our life together, and find ways to not feel so awkward and self conscious.

Thanks for the reassurance about the games (and for normalizing my awkward feelings around his ex). I find some of the games very loud and therefore anxiety producing.

Yeah, he is a devoted uncle! I feel like he doesn't realize how awesome it is. He's quite humble in a natural way.

He has hired a divorce lawyer and is in the process of working out a settlement / offer. I really do not know the language around it. It seems like it's more complicated than just filing for divorce. She won't even talk to him about it. I just know he may owe her $$, bc he makes more, and they were together a long time, but I feel he is doing the right thing.