I hate to be nostalgic, cause normal lives go slowly further

[Please sorry for any mistake, i am not american neither british]

Eleven years ago i was 24 y.o. working in engineering company... as a general service admin person
Had already messed up with university and people did make me feel a living mistake for that. I was born poor, so I did trash an opportunity and making my grandma sad

Yet, i did find the job by myself and kept i

But apathy... i couldnt hand it very well.

I was a toxic girlfriend. Me and my boyfriend weren't in love with each others, but i didn't break, neither did him (even if both of us cheated once)

I am serious here: i sometimes look back and think that maybe a chamomile tea and a resolutions list could have helped me more than going into psychotherapy.
I am not the type of person to blame professionals, but i do more practical things when i make my own schedule

But at 24 i did feel too old already, cause back in the days failing with university was such a taboo

I don't remember from here, how i managed to survive without being killed, cause everyone seemed to hate me

I wish I was more mature and go back to the living path insted of trashing my life

This is a very common story, isn't it?

@Gasplessy you communicate well in English. No need to apologize.

I made many mistakes along the way but at some point I realized I had to let go and stop beating myself for having walked a different path than my parents expected.

I hope you get the support you are looking for.

CANDC

[If you want me to see your reply to this post please include @CANDC in your message - not in requoting my message]

I think it is a common story, yes Gasplessy. Regretting the past is quite common. I have things in my past, things I did, that I wish never happened - evils! Even some things I did as a child(!) that still make me have ill-feeling toward myself. A mental health professional might say that it's unresolved issues but to me there's nothing to resolve: what happened, happened, and I should feel bad about it - I just accept it, warts and all - because it would be weird to feel happy, or to feel nothing about it. And I look at other people and I know I'm not unique. People who judge you for past deeds? - well, lets break down their lives and have a gander shall we? Anyway, sending you great support Gasplessy, I know you've been through a lot

Thank you for your thoughful, kind replies

I guess the current family state makes it harder
Well it is been like that for a while