Trauma Bond Theory: From An Abusive Relationship

I have a theory about the trauma bond. My theory is that the more powerful the love bombing is, the harder the fall and the stronger the trauma bond becomes.

The basis of my theory is the following. I separated not once but twice from my ex narc husband. The first separation happened because he cheated, so I kicked him out of our home. He love bombed me over the next 8 months, until I finally gave in. He wore me down. The way he wore me down was he used religion to make me believe in him again. He said he prayed to Jesus and God the whole 8 months, and had a "coming to Jesus" moment. He said that in prayer he promised God and Jesus that he would ONLY treat me with love and respect at ALL times. Because of my own faith as a Christian, I wanted to believe him, and so I put my faith into him a second time. He said he would go to individual and couples therapy and would work on his issues. I wanted to believe him.

That to me, is the ultimate love bomb. A coming to Jesus moment? Man, did I feel foolish, a year later. He had moved back in and again, 8 months later, I kicked him out for the final time because he started fighting with me every week for 6 weeks straight. I had even written him an ultimatum letter for our couples therapy appt, which he ignored. In that letter, I said on no uncertain terms that the fights HAD to STOP, and that this is NOT the marriage I had signed up for. He clearly was NOT working on his anger in therapy, and I found in our couples therapy that he was simply just manipulating our therapist and making me out to be the villain. He continued to fight with me, even after reading my letter. Then I kicked him out because he was not living up to his promise to Jesus, God, or to me.

So the trauma bond for me has been particularly hard to break. And I trace this back to his coming to Jesus and God. He used those weapons against me, knowing that I am a believer and am strong in my faith. So the fall has been that much more painful and hard.

His love bombing also consisted of "queen Erin day" every weekend or on Sundays. So he would designate Sundays as my day to be treated like a queen. He would buy me flowers and take me out for a nice brunch or dinner and treat me. We would do whatever I wanted that day. Him buying me flowers all the time and our "queen Erin" days were also trauma bond "hooks". And those hooks still have me hooked.

So that's my theory.. the stronger the love bombing, the harder the fall and the harder it is to break the trauma bond.