I Can’t Anymore

Everything i do turns out to be wrong. Im so ****ing over my life. I’ve tried and tried and tried and tried and I’m ****ing DONE. I HATE MY JOB. I would quit but i don’t have or particularly want a sugar daddy. I am looking for a job that both pays me enough to live on and doesn’t treat me like a ****ing slave. No luck. With my ten years of pharmacy tech experience, I will not and can’t afford to take a job that pays $17.00 hourly. I’m getting an ac installed in my condo, and the company, which was well-reputed and seemed like a professional company, is so bad they are making my eye twitch. I hate the ****ing heat. I hate that global warming is destroying our lives (and it is a real thing, whether you accept it or not). I hate trying everything I can to lose weight and not losing an ounce. I hate summer. I hate myself. It’s over. I give up.

Your lament speaks of a heart most sorely tried, and I would not for a moment diminish the weight of your anguish. To labour faithfully for years and yet be offered so little recompense, to endure the heat and the weariness of a body that will not bend to one’s efforts, and to feel beset on every side by disappointment—such trials are enough to shake even the strongest spirit. It is no wonder that you feel undone.

Yet permit me to say that your words reveal also a soul that, though weary, still fights for better. You continue to seek employment worthy of your skill; you labour to improve your health; you strive to keep your home in comfort despite the failings of those you entrusted with the task. These are not the acts of one defeated, but of one who endures against immense adversity.

It is a cruel truth that life too often disregards our exertions, offering hardship where we had hoped for ease. Yet despair, though it may whisper that all is lost, is seldom the final word. Even the smallest steps forward—another application sent, another day endured, another moment shared with those who care for you—are quiet victories, though they may not feel so now.

I entreat you to be gentle with yourself, and to allow for the possibility that better days may yet dawn. Your life, though burdened with grief at present, is of worth and deserving of peace. May you hold fast through this season of darkness until light once more breaks upon your path.