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Old 09-28-2021, 12:25 AM   #1
NotFit
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Default Alone and lonely

I have spent the last 4 years living alone, not just in my apartment, but in my life, with no friends or relationships, and I feel very lonely to the point I sometimes talk to myself or murmuring by creating dialogues with other people, usually with whom I have issues in real life in the past, that I end up most of the time being visibly angry and upset, with elevated heart rate and fast and shallow breathing. Before that I had some form of shallow friendships, where we were going out for a coffee every once awhile.

I haven't worked for 2 years in those 4 years, and I am currently unemployed, which adds to the loneliness. Even when I was working from home during covid-19, I felt very lonely and alone. I missed going to work everyday. Now, I go out once a week to buy groceries, and that's it. I don't talk to anyone, and no one talks to me.
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Old 09-29-2021, 10:32 AM   #2
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Default Re: Alone and lonely

I've always been a bit of a loner, so I don't have a lot of people in my life. Just my brother and one friend. I am still here because I have 2 dogs that keep me company. They sleep most of the day, but we have 4-5 walks every day, where we can get outside and it's just the three of us. They depend on me and I depend on them and that seems to work. Can you or do you want pets?

I can certainly understand how things are feeling for you, a lot of what you wrote resonates with me. It's a struggle. I wish you well.

Last edited by AgentQ9A; 09-29-2021 at 10:51 AM..
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Old 09-29-2021, 01:59 PM   #3
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Default Re: Alone and lonely

Yeah, I talk to my cats. I tell them all my problems. They're good listeners.
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Old 10-01-2021, 05:44 AM   #4
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Default Re: Alone and lonely

I feel your pain. So many lonely people , yet we canít seem to connect.
Todayís world is controlled by fear. Itís a dystopia in the making. But itís really no different from all the other eras where fear ruled. Actually , life was much worse and painful. All I know is that I will try and make the best of every day Iím given. At some point it will all be over. The pain and suffering
will end. So itís ďnow or neverĒ as some wise individual once uttered.
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Old 10-09-2021, 12:24 PM   #5
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Angry Re: Alone and lonely

Quote:
Originally Posted by NotFit View Post
I have spent the last 4 years living alone, not just in my apartment, but in my life, with no friends or relationships, and I feel very lonely to the point I sometimes talk to myself or murmuring by creating dialogues with other people, usually with whom I have issues in real life in the past, that I end up most of the time being visibly angry and upset, with elevated heart rate and fast and shallow breathing. Before that I had some form of shallow friendships, where we were going out for a coffee every once awhile.

I haven't worked for 2 years in those 4 years, and I am currently unemployed, which adds to the loneliness. Even when I was working from home during covid-19, I felt very lonely and alone. I missed going to work everyday. Now, I go out once a week to buy groceries, and that's it. I don't talk to anyone, and no one talks to me.
I get it. I live alone and my building isn't friendly or neighborly at ALL. I've tried saying hello to people and they give me dirty looks like how dare I talk to them! And the manager who is a b i t c h lately accused me of something I didn't even do!!!!! I wrote back that she's got me mixed up with someone else.

I recently found out my "friends" aren't as deep as I thought, that they are more "casual" or "shallow" than I realized. I'm not sure if I'm better off without them. None of them seem concerned I'm struggling financially and could end up in a bad place someday. A real friend doesn't do that. I wouldn't do that to someone.

Been unemployed and American culture stigmatizes people out of work, COVID or not. I think the U.S. is such a toxic culture. A dystopia in the making, just give it time.

Hugs. I can relate.
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Alone and lonely

Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here.


Alone and lonely

"Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time."
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Old 10-09-2021, 09:35 PM   #6
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Default Re: Alone and lonely

Ive been like you describe but for the last 6 or 7 years.

And its Hell. The stress is incredible.

"Sometimes talk to myself or murmuring by creating dialogues with other people". I do the same... Sometimes I see the news, and I think what I would say if I were in the same situation, what Ill say in an interrogatory, etc. Time ago I had only 1 close friend, there not been a single day I imagine I talk with him (I had some problems with him and we stopped seeing us), many times Ive dreamed I re encounter with him. Lately I keep conversations imagine I go to a psychologist, and I explain him stuff. Etc, a really mind f##k.
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Old 10-10-2021, 07:16 AM   #7
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Default Re: Alone and lonely

Very much like you but mostly by choice.

I have been talking with a co worker every night after work but this makes me feel lonely when she DOESN'T call. Especially when I don't know that is going to happen and have prepared.

Personally I find journaling helpful. I make my journals like i am writing to a dear and trusted friend and then if feels like you talked to a dear and trusted friend.
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Old 10-11-2021, 04:10 AM   #8
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Default Re: Alone and lonely

I am alone here too but keeping busy. At times, I feel lonely but this feeling dissipates when I am working or sleeping. I used to get into trouble with men before since I had too much time on my hands. Now, I purposely keep busy to stay out of trouble and to distract myself. I am happier now. I look around myself and see nobody. I talk to my family daily though or at least try to talk with them- they ignore my calls at times. I know how you feel. I've been there. I hope you find some hobbies to keep you busy.
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Old 10-12-2021, 09:18 PM   #9
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Default Re: Alone and lonely

I don't live alone but I have hermit and isolation tendencies, and I believe it's due to PTSD. I recently discovered most of my friends were "friends". As in. On the fence, two-faced, backstabbing, insincere...took advantage of my kindness and generosity. Didn't really care about me. I went through a horribly abusive relationship and showed some of the screenshots of conversations about how I was treated. And they were like "That's terrible but she's my friend so oh well. Sorry that happened to you, hope you can move on." Distanced from me. I'm going on a tangent. Anyway, I decided if this is how these people care about me or love me, I'd be better off without them. I ditched an entire community where I was well-liked and loved.

Now I'm...I'm very alone. I don't have a job right now. I'm having medical problems. I'm consistently exhausted and deal with daily fatigue, probably from burnout. I hardly have the energy to socialize.

I do know hobbies are a good way to meet new people. Or doing volunteer work, which also looks good on a resume. In general, I've read acts of service help in a lot of ways. I feel sometimes we lonely people, with our feelings of disconnection, also become disconnected from feeling a sense of purpose. So, finding a purpose and passion is usually helpful. It could lead out of a rut.
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Old 10-13-2021, 03:08 AM   #10
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Default Re: Alone and lonely

Thanks everyone for your comments and sharing.

I felt less lonely when I was working pre-pandemic time, although I wasn't sociable, and every night after work I was alone. But the mere routine of waking up, taking a shower, putting clean clothes, using the subway, and dealing with co-workers was giving me enough dose of feeling alive.

I have recently started journaling. I used to talk to my younger brother about my feelings, but I discovered at the end he didn't care much about me, and I often felt disappointed. So, now I write in a journal. I feel less inclined to talk to him about my problems now.

I wish I could find a hobby or a passion. I am on survival mode now. Always on edge. Irritable. Anxious. Cannot think straight. Sometimes I watch tutorials to learn new technologies to enhance my chances to get a job, but I cannot seem to build the momentum to continue.

I do believe I have PTSD from my childhood as my father physically and emotionally abused me, and all of this failure, as I am convinced what this is, is just a manifestation to this deeper problem.

At the end, you discover in life that when you fall, people distance themselves from you, even your own family. A harsh realization of life and human beings.

Last edited by NotFit; 10-13-2021 at 04:01 AM..
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Old 10-13-2021, 04:48 PM   #11
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Default Re: Alone and lonely

My "Buddy" didn't call tonight. It is almost cruel. Before she started calling me every night after work, i had a routine and i was happy. But then she started calling me. I even tried to get out of it a few times but she called like every 10 minutes. So I accepted the situation.

After months of this... I looked forward to her calls, I planed things during the day I wanted to tell her.

But now, she is sick of me... and doesn't want to talk anymore. And now, I get the pain of that. Of wanting to talk to someone and no one there to talk.

A lot of her friends get upset with her.. and I think now I know why.

Quote:
I have recently started journaling. I used to talk to my younger brother about my feelings, but I discovered at the end he didn't care much about me, and I often felt disappointed. So, now I write in a journal. I feel less inclined to talk to him about my problems now.
My brother abandoned me. He spent years calling me acting like he cared -- stating the mantra -- you do for family. But then he asked me for something and I said no and he never spoke to me again. Wow.. you do for family huh?

I am no longer surprised by such things.
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