*Beth*

It's Christmas...how has your week-end been so far? I'm feeling awfully lonely and isolated. Trying my best to keep my chin up.

__________________



You know she used to have to wait around
She used to be the lonely one
But now that she can skate around town
She's the only one
-Dire Straits, Skateaway

Skeezyks

Same old same old here. Christmas is just another day for us. I have made some chili for dinner though. I feel pretty down myself. But then I always feel down. So there's nothing out of the ordinary about that. Oh well...

Hope you begin feeling less lonely and isolated in the days to come. Best wishes...

*Beth*

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skeezyks Same old same old here. Christmas is just another day for us. I have made some chili for dinner though. I feel pretty down myself. But then I always feel down. So there's nothing out of the ordinary about that. Oh well... Hope you begin feeling less lonely and isolated in the days to come. Best wishes...

Skeezyks It is absolutely wonderful to "see" you. Chili sounds delicious. I haven't had chili for ages. Much love sent your way...

__________________



You know she used to have to wait around
She used to be the lonely one
But now that she can skate around town
She's the only one
-Dire Straits, Skateaway

will19

I had chili for lunch. Much to my surprise I got a can of turkey chili. I thought I got beef chili. Both cans looked exactly alike. I wasn't paying attention, so that fooled me. I preferred the beef and I was horrified when I got turkey instead. But it turned out OK.

Just now I was set to go on a bike ride to cheer myself up. But some rain showers decided to show up just as I went out. Oh well! There's still a chance to go for an hour. It seems like I come up with something to cheer me up and then it gets postponed or cancelled.

MuseumGhost

Thanks for asking, BethRags. I am doing better tonight than I was earlier, today. Am experiencing an awful lot of gloom and anxiety, suddenly. Both husband and the only other friend I have in the world have decided for some weird reason that I am patently unlovable, and so New Year is looking like it's gonna be more of a pity party for me, more than anything else.

Hugs for everyone who needs them, alone or not!

raging vortex

I hate today, and not just because I had a shower

new year's eve gives me the perfect oppotunity to think about how bad the last year's been- and it's the same every year, I can never think of good things to say about the past year.

this year I'm mainly thinking about the fact my health is worsening, how I've been miss treated by so many people, my abuse has jus carried on (even if it's by others), and, how going in to 2022 is like trying to get a broken rollercoaster moving, a rollercoaster that won't move because the parts are broken and the people who provide the parts have gone bankrupt, so it's standing their not doing anything

bitl ike my life.. it still exists, but nothing's ever done with it.

will19

Went grocery shopping early this morning. And now I have a little bit of money left over to pay my month-end bills. I heard a couple of "happy new years" from others, which got to me. I'm trying to isolate myself today. New Years Eve evening is the worst for me, worse than Christmas. I especially hate the noise at midnight with screaming and firecrackers.

This year started off OK but when it got to April then it got bad. That was because of my job. In June I resigned and retired in disgust. And then some financial plans to help after quitting didn't work out, but no big deal. A year ago at this time I didn't think it was possible that I would retire in '21. I would have wanted to go on another year or two if only that job didn't turn to such utter crap.

It seemed like 2020 was a better year than this one. I know it was a bad year for many, including me. At that time it was pretty nice because I felt honored to be able to work, considering I was an "essential" worker. It was kind of nice to have it quiet at work and quiet on my bike rides as the traffic thinned down a lot and not noisy on the avenue I rode on like usual. Being an extreme introvert as I am, it felt like the world was catering to me. But I got sick of it after a while.

2022 may have some real challenges for me. I'm having to decide to leave where I live, which weighs heavy on me. I may post more about it on here sometime.

nonightowl

Yeah, that gets to me along with "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays". It's like pulling a pin on a grenade, saying that to me. My therapist actually started the phone session saying, "First off Happy Holidays." I posted about it in another thread.

Like you I'm trying to isolate, except for the gym. Thankfully they are open today, longer than on Christmas Eve. I really need the workout and didn't go on my usual days this week due to the weather. It has cleared now.

NYE is worse for me than Christmas Eve too, mainly because it's the last day of the YEAR. And we get all that optimistic "happy" stuff. I tried to think that way in 2020, then 2021 has gone by now and for me, it was like reliving 2020. And nobody to spend NYE with in over a decade now.

Where I live weighs heavily on me as well. I do hope you post about it later. I'm stuck in a rock and a hard place on that situation.

I'll be focusing on my books more, as they are the best escape. I have some comfort food and music. I don't want anybody asking me what are my plans or to say "Happy New Year" to me. I'm trying to avoid my neighbors, since they aren't neighborly anyway. And unmasked, which is a whole other thread.

I too dread and hate the noise around midnight. I hope that taking a sleeping pill will knock me out enough that I won't be awakened by it. If I go to bed around 10, that should work. But sometimes the noise starts way earlier than that. A few weeks ago I swore I heard fireworks or firecrackers actually. Probably screaming and yelling too, I just didn't hear that part.

__________________
Call me "owl" for short!




Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here.




"Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time."

Brego

I'm doing well, I sunbathed even though it's the start of spring. It's progress because I never would have made that decision before. The kind of things that will happen because I got some sunlight for once! Maybe I will feel so good I start to take care of myself. I need to take a shower and I am not able to yet. I don't know why I can hardly take care of my hygiene. The desire to have some self-care habits has been alive for about 10 years. Yet, I cannot seem to make it on my own. It makes me, when in hindsight I see at how I do not even try yet, it makes me upset because it is about the least I could do for myself especially when I am so intrigued by the concepts of self-love, introspection, and self-care. I wish I could quit relaxing and start doing something! I have little motivation anymore.


About loneliness: I make jokes about how much of an introvert I am, but I am desiring to be around people all the time. I guess I just want to be around those people I truly find to be just what the doctor ordered. I am so lonely. I do not like how alone I am. Mom and Dad and my sister are about all I have. It's so upsetting to be alone 24/7 and I hate it. I wish a friend would come along although I have had a really minimal amount of friends my whole life. It has always been that I am afraid to even open up about how I feel. Mom asks and I just say, "It's nothing!" when it comes to describing my feelings. I think it is 'fear of intimacy'. I am so lonely all the time.

__________________
Schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type

Invega: 234 mg injection / Risperidone: 2 mg / Benztropine: 1 mg / Lorazepam: 2 mg / Belsomra: 20 mg / Seroquel: 200 mg / Lithium: 600 mg and 300 mg

Melatonin 5 mg / Apple Cider Vinegar 480 mg

peace : love: happiness

*Beth*

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brego I'm doing well, I sunbathed even though it's the start of spring. It's progress because I never would have made that decision before. The kind of things that will happen because I got some sunlight for once! Maybe I will feel so good I start to take care of myself. I need to take a shower and I am not able to yet. I don't know why I can hardly take care of my hygiene. The desire to have some self-care habits has been alive for about 10 years. Yet, I cannot seem to make it on my own. It makes me, when in hindsight I see at how I do not even try yet, it makes me upset because it is about the least I could do for myself especially when I am so intrigued by the concepts of self-love, introspection, and self-care. I wish I could quit relaxing and start doing something! I have little motivation anymore. About loneliness: I make jokes about how much of an introvert I am, but I am desiring to be around people all the time. I guess I just want to be around those people I truly find to be just what the doctor ordered. I am so lonely. I do not like how alone I am. Mom and Dad and my sister are about all I have. It's so upsetting to be alone 24/7 and I hate it. I wish a friend would come along although I have had a really minimal amount of friends my whole life. It has always been that I am afraid to even open up about how I feel. Mom asks and I just say, "It's nothing!" when it comes to describing my feelings. I think it is 'fear of intimacy'. I am so lonely all the time.

I'm so sorry that you suffer with such loneliness. I do have friends, but connect with them anymore primarily on Facebook. I am also very lonely, yet have little desire to get together with friends. Most of my family have passed away; I miss my parents, but, nothing to do. I would love to see my (adult) children more often. Like most moms, I suppose.

__________________



You know she used to have to wait around
She used to be the lonely one
But now that she can skate around town
She's the only one
-Dire Straits, Skateaway

MuseumGhost

I often find myself wishing for a very good, kind, real-life friend to drop in on me, just for a visit. That would be so nice. I miss all of that. A pot of tea, good company, and some smiles would be so welcome right now.

I do intend to go for drives and trips again, as soon as the Border is a little easier to traverse ( ie.: no Covid testing either coming or going, as long as one is vaccinated and boosted). Little road trips kept me sane for years and years. And I do miss many of my old friends, who left me generous, open-ended invitations before the pandemic started.

For now, I'm keeping busy, which isn't hard. I've got about 27,000 projects that need seeing-to. It's finding the energy, and sustaining it in order to complete these projects, that eludes me.

WastingAsparagus

I have been feeling very lonely as of late. I think it's just because my roommate is never around. And I feel the need to socialize with people in person. And it can't just be any old socializing, I think it needs to be in person. Which is hard with the Covid stuff. Anyway.

__________________
"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!”

nonightowl

Everyone is deceased in my family too and I have just a couple of superficial "friends". Nobody to go out with even though everything is "open".


I don't even have anyone to check in on me, via phone or in person. Unneighborly building, you could die in your unit and unless you have neighbors who noticed, nobody would notice until they smell my rotting corpse. Sorry, I have a sarcastic sense of humor when it comes to things that really get to me, like how alone so many people are.

Don't have much to keep me busy at all, and it's hard enough just to get through the day. Everything takes so much more effort than it used to, even grocery shopping or doing laundry.

Yesterday I did clean out one side of my closet, which gave me a sense of accomplishment at least. That's what it's come to....stuff like that to feel productive. But it's a depressing, lonely, laborious thing to do.

__________________
Call me "owl" for short!




Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here.




"Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time."

MuseumGhost

Hugggs, owlie, I didn't see your reply here until today---almost a month after you left it.

I know so well how you're feeling. It still hurts that 20 years after I moved to Canada to be with my husband, longtime friends never bothered to keep in touch with me. Very few have looked me up online. I don't understand why it has to be this way. It doesn't take that much effort or time or money to keep in touch, especially now with social media. I just really don't understand it.

If I lived near you, I 'd be calling you up for tea or coffee, and I'd make sure you knew you are worthy of friendly concern. You seem like such a nice person. You DO deserve better.

The same is true for many people here. Knowing, too well for my own good, what loneliness can do to a person, I would make sure you all knew you were worthwhile and cared-for, to the best of my human ability. I'm not perfect, but I do know what friendship means.

nonightowl

You're right that it doesn't take much effort to keep in touch, just a quick call or text goes a long way. But nobody does it. There's one "friend" I haven't talked to in almost 5 months. Unless I call HER, there's no conversations now. I have mixed feelings about her, not sure if I want to talk to her anymore at all. She lacks empathy and I'm not sure how sincere she really is.

Same with someone I used to text. It's been months now, and I no longer have the energy to keep calling or texting people to remind them I'm here, to initiate contact, AND to KEEP IT GOING. It's always ME.

SHE can send me a text, she can ask me questions. But unless I ask her questions, there's nothing. I feel like I'm interrogating her or interviewing her. I have to keep asking questions. I'm just exhausted now. Can't somebody think of me and call ME????!!!!

In the old days of snail mail, I did have friends who wrote letters regularly. But we drifted apart. Of course we have faster ways now like email and text. But speed isn't that important to me. It's the gesture or thought that counts, I don't need dozens of texts a day. Just ONE sometimes!

I think I do deserve much better and you're right that I'm great. I'm looking into agencies that do wellness phone calls but I can't afford their rates. It's sad that a business can make money off someone's loneliness. There's also a place that offers stuff like companionship, run errands with you, walk with you for exercise, but it's not cheap.

Also these places lack insight and expect people to have "family" to call if I don't answer. If I did, I wouldn't be looking into them. They say stuff like they'll contact my "loved ones" if I don't answer the phone, and it sounds like it's for people with out of state relatives or something.

I've starting talking to a social worker who is trying to help me get the help I need. It's too overwhelming to research alone and I want to filter out the disreputable places of course. I don't trust Yelp reviews so word of mouth is best, like if she knows people who used this agency.

You seem so nice too. Friendship to me is reciprocity, first and foremost. Why do I have to keep calling people? It works both ways. Also, I don't know if COVID did something to my brain but I don't go for superficial conversations much now. I'd rather not talk at all than talk about shallow things. There's too much going on in the world with its ripple effects. We all need REAL connections and for people to just give a darn.

__________________
Call me "owl" for short!




Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here.




"Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time."

MuseumGhost

Oh, I agree. So much, with everything you said.

When I look people up, and make a visit by phone, they seem happy to hear from me. But the gesture is never returned. So, I tell myself that people's lives change, they're perhaps just as stressed and strung-out over world affairs/ Covid as I am, or something's going on with their families that's bothering them. We do all have our daily stresses and concerns. I do try to give them the benefit of the doubt.

In the past year, two wonderful (but distant) cousins have taken the time to look me up online, and send along their phone numbers. They're both wonderful people, who like us, have experienced sadness, and loneliness. I expect that's a big part of what drove them to think about me.

We all used to routinely get together for family reunions. Now, there is no "magnet person" to draw everyone together. (In the past, it was the aunts and uncles; and one aunt in particular, who was universally loved and appreciated, as she was magically NEVER angry or ornery, and had the gift of bringing many many diverse people together for simple enjoyments, food, and laughter). Needless to say, she is terribly missed. This only adds to my sense of despair. We're not likely to see anyone like her again for a few generations.

Thank you for the kind words. I'm kind of marooned here with rather spikey in-laws, to both my and my husband's dismay. Several of our friends are lovely, warm-hearted, hospitable people, but Covid keeps driving its wedges between us all. It's been a very trying time.

I think you're wise to dodge the paid companion services. I imagine friendships can spring from these arrangements, but it's so much more enjoyable if it's natural and and un-forced. I've thought many times of putting a little personal ad in the paper for a walking companion, as husband is almost never available when I am in the mood to go. But then I become fearful of charlatans and schemers who would be perfectly happy to befriend an older woman for their own nefarious reasons. There's been one too many of those types in my life, for far too long at times. Makes one nervous and distrustful.

I do alright on my own, and it's been a good thing that I've always been such an independent person. I'm grateful to have an inner life that I can draw on for company when I need it. It's been pushed to its limits for a while now, but it's still there for me, thankfully.

It's fun to think about a road trip involving the kinder souls I've met online (here). That would be awesomeness. Long drives, and meeting admired people. The essence of coolness.

nonightowl

Thank you. Interesting this thread has had hundreds of views....The other thread on Short Stats has had THOUSANDS. Wish more would post.

I've tried to give people the benefit of the doubt but am not doing so well with that. I guess cause even with all that's going on, both in the world and MY world, I still think about the very few people in my orbit. And in the past, I'd contact them but it's ALWAYS ME. But do they think about ME? If so, why no calls or messages???!!! I really am worn out from making contact.

I get that people have stuff going on, we all do. But really is it so much to ask for just get a call once in awhile??? I'm tired of reminding people I'm stiil alive.

Never thought of an ad, but I'm dubious about these paid services because of the risk involved and the expense too. You're right that it feels forced and friendships forming naturally are better. I mean I don't know what I'm paying for. At least if people blow me off otherwise, it's free.

Yeah I've had a lot of betrayals too.

I've talked to nice people online too, not just here. Funny I didn't grow up with this technology but find it easier to talk to people online for some things.

I'm so used to being alone I'm not sure how well I could handle a paid companion. And the service that has check-ins offers has a cheap plan, but it involves ME having to call THEM, and it's a machine! They monitor it but still----so impersonal. And it may sound weird to them, but I want someone to call ME since I'm the one to always call otherwise. I want more than unwanted robocalls. I got 3 of them yesterday, 2 just 5 minutes apart!

I know everyone gets them, but it's ALL I GET lately. It's really depressing that just scammers are calling me.

Mostly I read to ease the loneliness and escape the world. And it's not just COVID anymore as we know.

__________________
Call me "owl" for short!




Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here.




"Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time."

MuseumGhost

I hear you. I hope I didn't come off as lecturing you...I know you are a considerate person. I know you would have already thought of all the possibilities I mentioned.

I try very hard to keep busy. That's how I'm getting through all of this. Now that the weather is warming-up and sunnier for us, husband has been helping with Spring cleaning jobs that I can't tackle on my own anymore, mostly because of the joint pain I'm dealing with these days. As I mentioned elsewhere, I'm ticking off the boxes, slowly. I am so far behind on cleaning at this point that's it's really just a matter of keeping it all sanitary and sustainable. Perfection is a lo-o-o-o-o-ong way off.

He's also getting ready to head back out and do some flea-marketing, and I'm helping with going through the items he wants to take with him. I'm researching & double-checking values, before we let something go for really cheap that's actually rather valuable. That's happened before when he gets into HURRY UP and PACK IT UP mode. So I insist on helping, so more of my faves don't go missing --- and aggravatingly, for pennies on the dollar. Keeping a hand in is the only way I've found to prevent this from happening. Left to his own devices, he'd sell my own few family heirlooms out from under me.

It will be awhile, yet 'til I'm ready to go the flea market. I'm actually great with people at a distance. But based on experiences some friends have had around here with Covid sweeping through their entire family, very recently, I don't actually think it's time for everyone to be out and mingling. Those variants worry me, still. If husband wants to go, there's not much I can do to stop him. But I am NOT ready for alla that, yet. Nope.

These posts always get a lot of views, but relatively few people replying. I've known that since I started here, and it was much busier in those days. I guess I figure that if even one person gets something out of it, it's done its job.

I'm happy to be chatting back and forth with you! That is a wonderful outcome, getting to know people a bit better, here. It's comforting.

Brego

I'm doing well enough. On Monday I did get out on my own and felt that was a smart move. I bought a sketchbook and tried to draw in it. The drawings aren't much of anything, yet I think it's a good thing to have as another past-time. My wiles are telling me to move out and to live alone in an apartment or a house. Since I am so lonely anyway, I think it's probably the dumb thing to do. Moving out of my parents' home may make it seem like I am headed straight for gold but I would be terribly lonely all the time.

It's rainy here. Been so for about 48 hrs. I want it to be over and hotter weather to come so I may get out in my new bikini and sunbathe. I know people are going for more porcelain skin but I want a tan!!!!

__________________
Schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type

Invega: 234 mg injection / Risperidone: 2 mg / Benztropine: 1 mg / Lorazepam: 2 mg / Belsomra: 20 mg / Seroquel: 200 mg / Lithium: 600 mg and 300 mg

Melatonin 5 mg / Apple Cider Vinegar 480 mg

peace : love: happiness

raging vortex

I am worried about a so called online friend who no one seems to have heard of in a while (or so they say)

I have a feeling he's just tired of me and is telling people to tell me that.

I don't blame him.. I am so boring