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Old 06-20-2022, 03:44 PM   #1
notmeinreallife
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Unhappy wanna be alone yet I want someone to love me

there are many days I just want to be alone. After awhile I feel like I need someone to love me and give a crap. Then I feel like I am selfish because I put myself in the situation. It's a constant circle over and over again.
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Old 06-20-2022, 11:15 PM   #2
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Default Re: wanna be alone yet I want someone to love me

Sorry you are in that situation.

I long for both relationship and distance and have not found an answer. Perhaps this is different from what you experience.

I get anxiety and panic attacks in close relationships and this doesn't stop me from wanting and needing them.

We don't get to select our brains or the major influences in our lives. So maybe our brains end up in places where we feel torn by contrary desires and endless feedback loops. I don't have any answers but it is really painful and takes the joy out of living.

People seem to have differing needs as regards distance and relation. Often they are not even consciously aware of the forces driving them like most of the iceberg is underwater kind of thing.

Maybe I am wrong. I am often wrong about things. In any case, I have never found that "sweet spot" where the need for distance and the need relation find balance in my life.

I hope that somehow and someway that you find what you need! So sorry I do not know how to be helpful.
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Old 06-21-2022, 12:21 AM   #3
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Default Re: wanna be alone yet I want someone to love me

I think, more than anything, I wanted (Still do, if I'm honest.) a "kindred spirit." Someone to share my world. Someone who shares my curiosity and desire to know the world, the good, bad and the ugly of it. I tried for a long time, but no one was interested. Finally, I decided screw it and I made my own adventures. Saw some cool places. Did some cool things.

I remember being in a local hangout in a distant city just taking it all in. The perfect sunny day. The smell of the cafe by me. The street performers messing with bubbles. The three year old running full sprint across the plaza screaming "BUBBLES!!" at the top of his lungs. Feeling like I'm a part of the scene, but knowing my part in it will go unnoticed. I love that moment and will remember it for a long time. I just wish somebody else was with me to remember it too.

I don't mind being alone. I just wish I wasn't alone so freaking much!
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Old 06-21-2022, 06:17 PM   #4
notmeinreallife
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Default Re: wanna be alone yet I want someone to love me

Yes yes yes!!! You said it all so perfectly. You must be in my head I hate that you feel the same though. I feel broken all the time.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Yaowen View Post
Sorry you are in that situation.

I long for both relationship and distance and have not found an answer. Perhaps this is different from what you experience.

I get anxiety and panic attacks in close relationships and this doesn't stop me from wanting and needing them.

We don't get to select our brains or the major influences in our lives. So maybe our brains end up in places where we feel torn by contrary desires and endless feedback loops. I don't have any answers but it is really painful and takes the joy out of living.

People seem to have differing needs as regards distance and relation. Often they are not even consciously aware of the forces driving them like most of the iceberg is underwater kind of thing.

Maybe I am wrong. I am often wrong about things. In any case, I have never found that "sweet spot" where the need for distance and the need relation find balance in my life.

I hope that somehow and someway that you find what you need! So sorry I do not know how to be helpful.
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Old 06-24-2022, 08:06 AM   #5
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Default Re: wanna be alone yet I want someone to love me

Quote:
Originally Posted by notmeinreallife View Post
there are many days I just want to be alone. After awhile I feel like I need someone to love me and give a crap. Then I feel like I am selfish because I put myself in the situation. It's a constant circle over and over again.
It won't be eventually. Wait, are you with somebody now? They don't love you?

I'm with somebody and she is very hard when she is angry. So, I have not believed she loved for me for a very long time. I deeply love her and worry for her and I think it makes me vulnerable. Like picking on me and what not occurrs. So, it could be me and my current mood and so maybe you are feeling that?
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Old 06-24-2022, 09:07 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aurelius710 View Post
I don't mind being alone. I just wish I wasn't alone so freaking much!
I think this sometimes too. I guess I feel it but then the feelings of not liking the person I am with sinks in. I secretly want them to leave sometimes. I know that sounds mean and I try to keep going with the person who is spending time with me. It does get exhausting sometimes.
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Old 06-24-2022, 01:40 PM   #7
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Default Re: wanna be alone yet I want someone to love me

In the news they said that 1 out of 3 people are lonely.
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Old 06-25-2022, 03:56 PM   #8
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Default Re: wanna be alone yet I want someone to love me

i understand the feeling of wanting someone there, its normal to need company
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Old 07-13-2022, 10:27 PM   #9
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Default Re: wanna be alone yet I want someone to love me

Iím not sure of any of your ages, but Iím 41 and could have written the post. And, damn that vicious cycle!!
i am caught in it all the time.
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Old 07-17-2022, 11:17 PM   #10
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Default Re: wanna be alone yet I want someone to love me

Quote:
Originally Posted by notmeinreallife View Post
there are many days I just want to be alone. After awhile I feel like I need someone to love me and give a crap. Then I feel like I am selfish because I put myself in the situation. It's a constant circle over and over again.
I feel the same way.
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Old 07-26-2022, 05:25 PM   #11
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Default Re: wanna be alone yet I want someone to love me

For me, I think the problem is I can imagine anyone accepting me long term. My relationships fall apart fairly quickly. I'm wary of ever trying again, but the loneliness is horrible.
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Old 07-31-2022, 06:47 AM   #12
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Default Re: wanna be alone yet I want someone to love me

Iíll venture to say that you probably feel the same way I do. In that your not really
happy unless you get to SHARE those experiences you mentioned with someone else.
I like to be alone but I want to share my experiences with someone else..
Could even be a stranger . Just laugh with me , cry with me , feel what I feel.
I have an SO that doesnít even understand what Iím feeling.
Good luck to you , try and learn how to enjoy life with yourself.
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Old 07-31-2022, 01:30 PM   #13
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Default Re: wanna be alone yet I want someone to love me

Having an SO that doesn't understand is its own kind of loneliness.
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Old 08-05-2022, 11:51 AM   #14
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Default Re: wanna be alone yet I want someone to love me

I totally understand. At times, while alone I was so stressed. Now, I'm with family and am not alone but feel lonely since they don't meet me eye to eye on many topics. I will be ok. I like the weather here and the open spaces. I am happier now. I want be alone too but want to be loved at least by my family members. It does not seem much to ask but it seems to be for my situation.
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