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Old 09-06-2022, 01:45 AM   #1
rigaschuckler
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Default Regarding a tough situation in my life

I am in a tough situation. I have no one here. I do not have a job. I live like a hermit. It has been 2 years since I left my home.
I am a voracious reader. I have read thousands and thousands of books, belonging to various genres. I like Kant and Schopenhauer the most. Nietzsche I like too and in fiction, I adore Faulkner and Hemingway. I find happiness in reading John Cheever, Chekhov and Raymond Carver.
When you are this much alone, you might need the necessity to speak with someone. In my case, as Iím a romantic, I really wanted to fall in love with someone. I want to write poetry for her and sing songs for her like a medieval bard.
Then one fine day I joined in a site.
I posted numerous poems and one day a woman texted me saying she liked my poetry.
I texted her in return. We talked about a lot of things, mostly about poetry.
One day she asked me for my voice clip, as there was an option there. I send it, and we began speaking in this way.
I started slowly unraveling. Like any vulnerable human being, I slowly began to search in her a potential partner.
I told her about my schizotypal personality disorder one day.
And we began chatting.
She seems like a very kind individual, but I have no idea if she is sympathizing with me or not. She listens to me, says she wants to change me, and she also had manic depression etc.
Iím now bit afraid. It is like by telling about schizotypal personality disorder I have given her a part of my heart. If she leaves me some day, I will go through an emotional trauma.
What should I do?
What do you think about this?
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Old 09-06-2022, 03:05 PM   #2
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Default Re: Regarding a tough situation in my life

Hi there @rigaschuckler,

As someone who's made a lot of mistakes in life and in love, I'll say that you need to stay as grounded as possible and put first things first, such as making sure you have some form of income...

Try to realize that as a person falling in love, you actually 'idealize' the other person. That might be good for poetry, but it might make you not see the fuller picture.

Try to stay grounded and try to promote other interests, hobbies, volunteering etc. where you can create other options to the loneliness you feel...
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Old 09-06-2022, 04:19 PM   #3
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Default Re: Regarding a tough situation in my life

Quote:
Originally Posted by rigaschuckler View Post
.
She seems like a very kind individual, but I have no idea if she is sympathizing with me or not. She listens to me, says she wants to change me, and she also had manic depression etc.
Iím now bit afraid. It is like by telling about schizotypal personality disorder I have given her a part of my heart. If she leaves me some day, I will go through an emotional trauma. What should I do? What do you think about this?
The part I underlined is something that doesn't sound good to me. Being the way you are, she can't just change you. No one really can, only you. So many I have known of going into relationships say that they would like to change that other person. It was tried and never worked out well.
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Old 09-06-2022, 05:12 PM   #4
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Default Re: Regarding a tough situation in my life

Oh boy @will19, I missed that. Good you picked it up.

@rigaschuckler that is a major red flag...
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Old 09-06-2022, 08:30 PM   #5
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Default Re: Regarding a tough situation in my life

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Hi there @rigaschuckler,

As someone who's made a lot of mistakes in life and in love, I'll say that you need to stay as grounded as possible and put first things first, such as making sure you have some form of income...

Try to realize that as a person falling in love, you actually 'idealize' the other person. That might be good for poetry, but it might make you not see the fuller picture.

Try to stay grounded and try to promote other interests, hobbies, volunteering etc. where you can create other options to the loneliness you feel...
Thank you so much. I can really understand. I need not fully dependent on anyone right?
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Old 09-06-2022, 08:30 PM   #6
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The part I underlined is something that doesn't sound good to me. Being the way you are, she can't just change you. No one really can, only you. So many I have known of going into relationships say that they would like to change that other person. It was tried and never worked out well.
Thankyou so much for saying that...
She is a very kind individual indeed.
But what I donít like the way she mixes spirituality with mental health.
Poetry with do it yourself attitude.
May be she really want to help me, but these things scare me.
I donít know which way this will end up.
Let me tell you some things she told me -:
1. She donít like myself dependent on her
2. She never said she likes me; she likes my intellect thatís it. But itís too early as its just 4 days
Let us hope for the very best
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Old 09-06-2022, 08:36 PM   #7
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Default Re: Regarding a tough situation in my life

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Oh boy @will19, I missed that. Good you picked it up.

@rigaschuckler that is a major red flag...
I get it.
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Old 09-07-2022, 10:45 AM   #8
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Default Re: Regarding a tough situation in my life

@rigaschuckler

Yes, you don't want to be overly dependent on someone... go for interdependence and mutual reciprocity, instead.

It's only been 4 days, though it's not impossible for something to develop quickly, you are jumping the gun I'd say. Calm down and step back.

Also, she said she doesn't like you but likes your intellectual capabilities.. That's a big sign right there that you are in the "friend zone" (ie. she sees you only as a friend and not a romantic partner). So you are wasting your time investing in this woman who, don't forget, wants to "change" you.

Instead, why not look for publications and poetry contests where you could have the opportunity to publish your work? That way you are directly investing in yourself and staying grounded by focusing on a goal.

Regarding your loneliness, you need to find ways to fill the void so you become a stronger person within yourself. You could google filling the inner void or remedy to loneliness or other phrases that will give you an idea of where / how to start...

Hope what I've said helps...

Best wises to you!
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Old 09-07-2022, 10:58 PM   #9
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Default Re: Regarding a tough situation in my life

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@rigaschuckler

Yes, you don't want to be overly dependent on someone... go for interdependence and mutual reciprocity, instead.

It's only been 4 days, though it's not impossible for something to develop quickly, you are jumping the gun I'd say. Calm down and step back.

Also, she said she doesn't like you but likes your intellectual capabilities.. That's a big sign right there that you are in the "friend zone" (ie. she sees you only as a friend and not a romantic partner). So you are wasting your time investing in this woman who, don't forget, wants to "change" you.

Instead, why not look for publications and poetry contests where you could have the opportunity to publish your work? That way you are directly investing in yourself and staying grounded by focusing on a goal.

Regarding your loneliness, you need to find ways to fill the void so you become a stronger person within yourself. You could google filling the inner void or remedy to loneliness or other phrases that will give you an idea of where / how to start...

Hope what I've said helps...

Best wises to you!

To be honest I donít know why she is speaking with me.
She says many things, like she wants to help me one time, then there will be many people will help me.
She says things which are found in self help books which arenít necessary as I am under therapy
I am probably wasting my time. There is no tangible outcome.
I am going to stop this now and will concentrate on my writing.
Thanks
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Old 09-11-2022, 09:52 AM   #10
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Default Re: Regarding a tough situation in my life

It sounds like you are not ready to be in a relationship.

For one thing, nobody can change you. Only you can change, and work on, yourself.

Secondly, more concerning, if she were to leave you, you "will go through an emotional trauma'?! Nobody should have that power over you. This is not healthy.

I would address these issues in individual counselling as you do not seem ready to be with anyone else at the moment.
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Old 09-14-2022, 06:43 AM   #11
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Default Re: Regarding a tough situation in my life

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It sounds like you are not ready to be in a relationship.

For one thing, nobody can change you. Only you can change, and work on, yourself.

Secondly, more concerning, if she were to leave you, you "will go through an emotional trauma'?! Nobody should have that power over you. This is not healthy.

I would address these issues in individual counselling as you do not seem ready to be with anyone else at the moment.
Thank you so much. May be you are correct.
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Old 09-14-2022, 08:26 AM   #12
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Default Re: Regarding a tough situation in my life

@rigaschuckler

This is a radio interview with a woman who talks about her schizoaffective diagnosis and poetry.

Not sure if you will be able to access it, but I thought you might find it interesting:

Poetry and peer support: How Amy Willans remade her life after mental illness | CBC Radio
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Old 09-14-2022, 10:33 AM   #13
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Default Re: Regarding a tough situation in my life

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Originally Posted by TheGal View Post
@rigaschuckler

This is a radio interview with a woman who talks about her schizoaffective diagnosis and poetry.

Not sure if you will be able to access it, but I thought you might find it interesting:

Poetry and peer support: How Amy Willans remade her life after mental illness | CBC Radio
Thank you so much for sharing this. Much needed.
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