unsure

and so i'm back again I find it really difficult to put things across and now its getting worse I was on here chatting last night whilst sat next to my partner he didn't know what was wrong with me until he seen this chat site then tried to talk to me and once he seen it he tried to chat about it which has made me clam up even more I can't find the words to tell him how I feel to tell him how scared I am. Things all started when I was with my ex we were fine for ten years then he gave up drink within weeks he turned violent he held a knife to my throat hit me infront of the kids this carried on for five years it took all my courage to be able to walk away and moved from one to the next till I met my current partner we were together just twelve months when we moved in with each other and now live as a family with my two children he doesn't drink alot but we like a drink at the weekend and sometimes have a drink through the week but he now wants to go tea total which I appreciate would be the best for the pair of us and for us as a family but just don't have the voice to tell him ho scared I am that things will change although he is nothing like my ex I in my mind think the same situation will happen again I just want to run away curl up in a corner but I have no where to go my parents took my exs side and my family don't speak to me I really do love him but just scared confused and have no one to turn to I cry all the time I look myself away even started to comfort eat never go out other than when necessary always have excuses as to why I don't see friends I am just not the person I used to be anymore

Did you show your partner what you wrote in this thread?

no it scares me to open up :-(

Your fear is that your partner will become violent if you both stop drinking entirely...because this is what happened with your ex. How was this past weekend, did you guys decide not to drink anything?

You were indeed courageous to leave your ex.

we've drank everynight since thursday tonight has been the only night we haven't had a drink I know we need to stop and i'm trying which is why I am now sat alone upstairs I feel awful in myself I know my body can't take the drink all the time I just need the words to put across to show him how scared I am hes a loving man I don't want to lose him ever I just want my life where I had money a nice house holidays and not feel crappy all the time :-(

Sitting upstairs was a step towards stopping, towards saying that you didn't and don't want to participate in the drinking.

I didn't drink last night either which was really hard for me but if I could keep with daily updates with you and my feelings I would appreciate it. Yes I feel crappy and I crave for a beer but I know I have to make the steps for my daughter and son can I say thanks for listening and replying its slow small steps but hopefully I will get there

Good job last night! How did you do it--sitting upstairs again?

Keeping away from drinking is indeed a very good thing for you to do for your daughter and son.

Let us know how you day goes, as well as tonight. I and others here are quite willing to listen.