I have DPD.How can I make it easier on my husband?

Hello. I am a 27 year old mother to a 15 month old son.

I have been unofficially diagnosed with DPD. It is something I have been doing research on for years, and I have been SURE I have it for years as well.

I WANT help. I have tried, but it is difficult to get help. I know I NEED to do it for the sake of my son, and if there is ANY small chance I can save my marriage.

I can't afford a psychologist. But I was recommended to one by my family doctor (so it was covered by health care), who ultimately told me he is sure I do have DPD, even though an official diagnosis wasn't given. But he specializes in alcohol and drug dependencies, not DPD, and said he doesn't feel he can help me. He recommended I go to AA. I do drink quite a bit after my son goes to bed, so does my husband, but I have no problem to quit drinking. When I was pregnant, it was no problem to stop. When I go on a diet, I have no problem to stop. I think the amount I drink is a a side issue that comes about from my inability to deal with my problems. I don't believe it is a key thing that will resolve my problems.

My husband cheated on me while I was pregnant, and he doesn't want to be with me anymore, but due to our current situation he has to stay with me for the next year or so, so that he will be able to remain in the country with our son. I am taking advantage of the situation in a way, because I am hoping I will be able to get enough help to make a noticeable enough change that he will decide he wants to stay with me, and make a happy family for our son.

I NEED to get some help, and at least I want to find some info to show him that he is not the only one going through this situation with me.

I do love my husband very much, beyond my DPD, and I want to be able to make a happy family for my son with my husband. I want to get the help I need for myself, and so my actions don't affect my son.

It was hard enough to get a referral from my doctor to see someone, and after it didn't turn out, it was quite a blow. I don't even know if she can recommend me to another place or not. But I need to find someone who can focus on helping me deal with my DPD.

Can anyone who has a DPD husband or wife give me or my husband any advice on our situation?!? Is there anything I can help him that will help him understand a bit more why I am the way I am? I want him to give me a chance to work on myself, and then give US another chance, cuz besides my DPD, we actually make a really great couple.

On a side note, at the moment we are also living with my parents, which is nice for the help we have with our son, but also bad for me, cuz my mom does EVERYTHING for me, laundry, cleans our room, etc. she does this without even really giving me a chance to TRY and do things for myself. I appreciate her help, but its also not good for me! I've talked to her about it, but it doesn't change.

Please and thanks in advance.

At this moment in time, you should only worry about yourself and your son. If your husband has cheated on you, and wants to leave you, stop right there. There's nothing to save, let it be, and move on. You can't make someone want to stay with you or love you. If you can convince him to stay, aren't you cheating yourself of the truth? If he wanted to stay according to his own feelings, wouldn't that be more rewarding?

The mom situation could be quickly remedied if you could move out on your own. If you do not have a job, you can take advantage of your mother doing everything for you, and seek for one. She can take care of your son while you work and save up for a life of your own, right?

Just take things one step at a time. Have no regrets, and do the best for yourself and your son that you can.

My fiancee has DPD and depression. I know this going into the relationship. I don't mind being tied to the hip with him. Occasionally we may have to be apart (i.e. hospital admission for my bipolar) and yes, it drives him nuts. I love him very much and I let him choose to get help, or go nuts until I get home. He goes to work and loves working whee re he works or he would have a problem with it.

One of the of this disorder is substance abuse even if it is alcohol. The first thing the pdocs and therapists will recommend is stop the drinking before you can work on the DPD. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is usually used to treat DPD. Maybe you can do some work on your own with cognitive behavioral therapy. Dr. Burns wrote several books on it... I think one of them is called "The Feeling Good Handbook".

You also might want to examine your mother's behavior...sometimes others enable us while trying to help. Has she always done things for you without asking? Perhaps this may have something to do with your disorder?

I am commited to staying with my fiancee (commitment, communication and comprimise is what we have based our relationship on). Sometimes it drives me nuts, but this is what I have committed to willingly because he is such a wonderful person.

I wish you luck and all the happiness in the world.

The first thing to realize is that your husband was the one who violated his marital vows..at a vulnerable time in your life...most likely, he blamed you for that...he could be the one with the personality disorder....don't be quick to self diagnose....as for the mental health counselor..not giving a diagnosis, but says "i'm pretty sure" ... well she seems incompetent...maybe needs to be reported for not trying to help you get to the right health pprofessional.....she could have helped you with the issues put before her...at that time and given a thorough analysis....call your PC..tell them what she did....and that you still need some counseling...it sounds like you could have some post partum depression, with complications from the infidelity...two very bad combinations......hold people accountable...because you are worth that...and so is your child...why are you worth that? You gave birth, became a mother who is now responsible for raising that boy into a man.....raise him to not want to break promises, vows and the esteem of others or made to others....you are now a parent....don't let your mama wash your underwear, make your bed or change your sons diapers.....thats your job.....you will not be able to do your job with a leech on your leg...so kick him off and out....get on public assistance if you have to, in fact, i recommend it...why not, it was designed for situations like yours...if you don't someone else will...they will garnish his wages if they have to, but either he pays child support or goes to jail...stop feeling sorry for the guy...he wasn't thinking of you when he decided to have an affair while you were pregnant...he should have taken a smut mag in the bathroom, not indulge himself ..shows he has no self control....you will one day be your son's hero, if you drop that zero