Do I have DPD?

I posted in the depression forum too because I do have depression and anxiety but I think I have DCD. My story: The guy I was talking to is almost four years younger than me. we were talking for two months. We wanted to take things slow since we've both been hurt in the past. Everything was going fine. We went on dates twice a week, held hands all the time, talked and texted every day. We slept together many times too. He always said that he likes me alot and that I have all the qualities he wants in a girl friend. We always had fun together and slept with each other as well. I know that was a mistake since we agreed to go slow. My parents didn't like him because he didn't have his degree yet. He is in school part time to be an engineer and also worked at a bank. Ever since he lost his job about three weeks ago, he's been distant. He said that he accidentally deposited a client's money in his account. His boss of course didn't believe it was on accident. For four days I noticed he was distant. Two weeks ago i asked him if he still likes me and he said yes. I asked why he has been distant and he said he has alot on his mind. I said well can we talk tonight? He said no hun call you tomorrow I'm doing homework now. I said please? You being distant is bothering me. He said no I have things to do tonight call you tomorrow. I said ok. I called the next morning and left him a voicemail saying I'm sad and that I hope he wants to see me again. I said I understand if he just wants to be friends or needs some time alone. He never called or texted back. I tried calling a few times again on Saturday night but no answer. I texted three days later saying please call me back. I'm really sad you just stopped talking to me out of the blue. I really would appreciate an explanation. No response. I don't understand how someone could just lose interest like that. Do you think alot of it has to do with losing his job? I miss him and he made me happy. Last weekend he texted saying he just wants to be alone now and doesn't have time for a relationship with anyone right now. I said ok. I left him lone for about a week and then I texted three days later asking if he ever wants to see me again he said he'd call if he's ready. So I left him alone for three days then last night I felt lonely and called alot hoping to see him. He finally texted back saying he wants to be alone and doesn't want to see me and to move on. I said ok well if you change your mind let me know. Do you think there's any chance he'll want to see me in the future? Did I totally ruin it? :-( he has been cheated on multiple times in the past by his ex and took her back before. I hope he didnt take her back again. She even hit herself in front of him and went to his house and started hitting him. To this day, she still tries contacting him. I've been cheated on too by my previous ex of 2 yrs. this is a huge blow to me and my self esteem. Anyways, I deleted this guy's number so I'm not tempted to call during times I feel desperate or depressed. This is how I have been with past breakups too. I feel worthless without the person and keep calling for awhile. Anyways do you think I have a chance of him ever contacting me again? I am seeing a counselor to get my self esteem up. I also don't want to get attached so easily. My parents and friends all think its fishy what he did with the bank. They don't believe it was on accident. I don't know what to believe.

Hi! I don't know what to believe about him either, but I do suggest you follow his advice and move on. It's best not to put your life on hold!

As far as having DPD, I am not in a position to diagnose. I suggest you being this issue up with your counselor. A number of things could explain why you're wanting to hang on to these guys. There might be a pattern there, it seems.

I'm sure it's hard to feel so close to a guy and then have him just tell you to go away. But it might be for his best, too, that you leave him to his own devices. It does sound strange to me that somebody could accidentally put another person's money into his own account. It certainly seems suspicious, anyway.

Try to get busy with other things. Okay? Girlfriends? Going out and having fun. And please continue with your therapy, so you can get a better idea of what might be happening. It doesn't strike me as DPD, but as I say, I'm not an expert here.

Ok. Thanks. Any chance he might call again eventhough he told me to move on?

Not only A chance, but a HIGH chance. Therefore, if he usually calls your cell number, you should edit his contact in your cell number and make his calls go to VM directly, so that you would not hear beeps at all if he were to call. If he leaves a VM, save them but do not respond. Saving VM's is helpful if you expect stalking and might even file for a restraining order in the future. Can be helpful just in case. Otherwise if you do not expect anything of that scale of evil, you can delete voicemails.

If you used your landline # to talk to him, call the phone company to see what options for blocking you have. I am not familiar with the landline phone capabilities.

The degree of attachment cannot be willed, at least not easily, but you can develop rules of behavior (your personal code of conduct). Say, if I guy tells you that he wants to move on, you should not tell him that he is free to call you if he changes his mind. He already knows that. On your end, if you believe that you can take him back in some capacity, you do not put his # on "direct to VM" and if you do not want to take him back in any capacity, you do put his number on "direct to VM". All of that action is completely on your end and within your control and requires no communication from you to him. Saying "call me if you change your mind" humiliates you without necessity.

Whether you have a personality disorder or not, you can develop and stick to rules of behavior. Treating the disorder can take a lot of time, and you do not have to suffer all the while until the disorder is treated.

As I probably have already told you on one of your duplicate threads in other forums, you should resign to the fact that you will never know the truth. You do not need to believe any side.

Thinking about his past, current, and future girlfriends and especially attaching hopes with regard to his current or future actions vis-a-vis such girlfriends are a complete waste of your time and a drain on your mental energy.

I am very impressed you had the strength to delete his phone number so you aren't tempted to contact him!!! I have never been able to do that with the guy in my life I should leave alone. I see myself in so much of what you said and I could never delete his contact information, so i want to tell you congratulations that is a huge first step!!!!! My only advice is, for me, my own recovery requires me to stop focusing on the other person or the relationship and focus on myself. Think of all the energy you're (and I'm) wasting on someone who has said they don't want a relationship with you (and me). We have to stop making excuses ("is it his job? Is it because he was cheated on?") seriously does it matter? The facts are he isn't interested anymore. I know how hard that is to accept but it is the first step towards our own healing and growth. Focus on YOU. Exercise, write, do what makes YOU happy and stop trying to analyze another person. I struggle with this every day so I'm there in the trenches with you.

I am proud of you!