Preoccupied Attachment Style Developed After Abuse

I was always a very secure person, and never had major issues with trust, feeling secure, or anything. I spent 8.5 long years (ages 15-24) in a relationship that almost ended in my death. It's too difficult to wrap my head around how it all actually got that far, as it happened very slowly and frighteningly subtlely. By the time I escaped and started over (with a lot of therapy and support of family and friends), I was broken and worn down to nearly nothing. I quickly regained my footing, though, and became empowered and confident. I felt beautiful and smart and funny and charming for the first time and had a few short-lived but thrilling and rewarding relationships. Then I was lured, drugged and raped by a guy I had known for 10 years and was not interested in anything but friendship with. That hit me pretty hard once it sank in. But, I bounced back pretty fast from that too, again with help from therapy and family and friends who were understanding and supportive.

Now I am with an amazing man who would never treat me anything like my ex did - he's not always as charismatic and charming, but he is because he's consistent. He's not putting on a show or pulling the wool over my eyes. He's real and caring and loving, and hard-working, and he just wants me to be happy. His attachment style is definitely dismissive-avoidant though, and if you meet his parents, you'll understand why. They're amazing people, and they love their 2 sons, but they are distant and expect (sometimes to a fault) the guys to be self-sufficient and to not need anything, and they are not emotionally open or available and will not talk about anything the least bit unpleasant.

I have recently realized that over the last few years, I have started exhibiting clear symptoms of the anxious-preoccupied attachment style, and I'm sure that it's due to what I went through in my past as well as some rather large obstacles that we've run into in my current relationship to my husband.

Is it possible to start out secure and develop an insecure attachment style as an adult based on things that happened to me in adulthood, or is it more likely that I was always insecure but it didn't manifest as strongly until more recently?

Also, what are some ways to begin overcoming the symptoms of the preoccupied anxious style, especially the attachment panic I experience?

Hello and welcome to PC!

I believe that seeing a therapist if you are not would be helpful. They have different types of therapy styles that help in the way we think and process stuff. With these skills you may be able to break away from this early on.

Best of luck

To me it sounds more like you have PTSD then a personality disorder. PTSD can be very random. You can be find one day and them BAMM!!! for no reason it seems life is to demanding. Then you start to get clingy, or have panic attacks, or depression like symptoms. All it takes is one last straw to break the camels back so to speak.

Finding a therapist would be helpful and you can unload some of the things that have occurred in your past, weather it was during childhood, or adulthood. Sometimes PTSD related things don't really emerge until you are in a safe and committed relationship. After you feel safe, after you are beyond your early to mid 20' and your hormone levels even out things sometimes come to light and cause us issues.