My sister is too needy and i cant cope

Hi
My sister who is my twin is needy and needs constant help with something. She has always depended on me for answers when it came to stuff like learning new things. She was always too lazy to learn anything and her answer when mum asked for example what colour is whatever she answered "my name" knows.
For the last few years she is constantly asking me to do things for her. Like fill in forms, write letters, tell her what her wage should be, explain why she is getting only this amount of benefit, just basically anything she is too lazy to do herself or she is not sure if she can do it right. It is now really starting to bother me. Everytime i say i wont help her she starts with a blame game: "but you would do it for anyone else, you are such a selfish b..ch, dont ever ask me to borrow money, wow you are so horrible, why are you so mean, dont bother talking to me anymore, dont be texting me abuse.... and this happens every time i say no to her. Even when i try to say it nicely she turns on me and gets nasty. I then feel bad and end up helping her obviously because i cant see her making mistakes and then blaming me.
Im not sure what to do about this but it is really bothering me and i want to be able to get out of this. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you

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Hello Thinkingloud: This problem strikes me as being one of boundaries. Are you familiar with California therapist Kati Morton? Kati is on YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, & probably every other social media site around, plus she has her own website. Kati uploaded a video onto her YouTube channel a while back where she talked about establishing & reinforcing boundaries. I think if you were to go to her YouTube channel, look back through her videos, find the one on boundaries, & watch it this might be helpful.

Speaking as a person with dependent personality disorder, I doubt that there is any way for you to stop helping her without her being mad and blaming you. It's just part of our disorder.

I agree with Skeexyks that boundaries are probably your best course of action. You might want to think of it in terms of how much you will help her. Perhaps limiting the time you spend on her issues, or limiting the number of her issues you will deal with per week or per month. But you will need to be prepared for her reaction. It will probably be unpleasant.

I wish I had a better answer for you.

Hello Thinkingloud
It sounds like she's the one abusing you and causing you mental health problems. It seems like a parasitic relationship. If I was you, I would distance myself/cease contact. This is offtopic, but I'm curious: Are you identical twins? Since it is often claimed that mental health issues have genetic origins, but you don't have DPD.

You should have stopped helping and giving her things back then and you parents FAILED to help her become independent and self reliant. That happened to me when my parents made my older brother my BOSS! You and your sister are both victims of very faulty and inadequate PARENTING!

Then you will have to STOP coming to her rescue!

Due to very bad, faulty and inadequate parenting, both of you are victims of this sick game that she was taught to play and now it's up to you to take a stand for WHAT IS RIGHT!

Your were programmed to give in and help her when you should not have needed to do it and that is the consequences of very bad parenting.

IMO, to break the sick patterns of behavior your parents instilled into both of you, you may have to begin saying no and MEAN IT - no matter how vile, mean or abusive your ill trained sister becomes. She won't have a need, as of yet, to change the lousy behavior your parents placed into both of you but you are showing a need to change what your ignorant parents did to you by standing up to your sister and doing WHAT IS RIGHT - from now on. If you find it difficult to re-train your self, I recommend some books about Codependency and relationship books that teach folks how to relate to others. This may not help your sister change the bad programming she got but it might help change the bad programming inside of you. good luck.