Am I always going to be feeling like this

So long story shot I am in my mid 20s. I have Never had any kind of functional relationship with my mom even though we live under the same roof. Therefore it's been a gap so to say in my life all these years.

Suddenly this year I took up a new job opportunity. Met some new and super awesome people, one of which was my boss. Initially the thought was I can learn a lot from her professionally. As the months went on and I started to get to know her more, I started to look upto her. With her being remote I only got to see her 1 or 2 weeks out of the month. But nevertheless she became someone I started looking upto greatly, but never told her because I didn't want to be the "boss's favorite" kinda person.

Then one day she came and was talking about something and mentioned about how she is getting a divorce and I could see and sense the pain in her, the heartbreak, the loss. So my heart went out to her but again I didn't say much. Then the next visit she came back to the office I noticed that pain in her eyes seemed more and more even though she continued to smile. So I texted her and told her that as an employee she is always my boss but if she needs someone to talk to I will always be there for her. And I don't know what it was about me but she started opening up to me about the whole ordeal and as if I had already not felt close to her after this I felt like something connected us even more now. Because I was going through my own heartbreak that no one knew about. So I opened up to her a bit about it too. At this point we talked practically everyday via text even if it was for few mins.

In the midst of all this I went through an unfortunate "accident" if I may say so. And despite of being far away in distance she stood by me via phone, video calls, etc. And I had no words to thank her. But I did to the best of my ability. Then few days later something in me told me to tell her something I had been wanting to say for couple of weeks now.

I told her "you have no idea how many times I have wanted to call you "mom" in the recent days. Because she had been there for me like a mom. And her reaction was "you know you can, you could've have been mine and I am old enough to be your biological mom". She said " its funny how fate got us together when we needed each other the most.... no one understands the way you do.... because even though we met at work and I am old enough to be your biological mom...we share a separate experience that is so similar that most will never understand....I have always wanted a daughter...and I don't think I could find anyone more like me! We have the same thoughts and feelings and views...." Hearing this melted my heart and I told her "I love you mom" (first time I said that in my life). She said "I love you too baby girl!" And ever since that day I have been her baby girl and she has been my mom. At work it's like this conversation never happened. And outside of work we don't talk about other people that work under her (my coworkers) or anything work related. At work I still get yelled at by her when I screw up just like I used to.

Now finally this week she came back here physically and I got to hug my "mom" for the first time in my life and getting all the hugs and the kisses was something I have never been used to. So standing there (away from work) wrapped in her arms was the best thing in the world, it felt like I was loved, I was protected, someone cared about me. Last night after work I texted her after I got home and I said are we going somewhere again this evening, she said no because she has to do some work, so I said okay, I still want to come and see you for few mins at the hotel. ( I wanted to go there to literally get/give a hug and tell her I love her) so I asked her to text me when she got to the hotel she said she will and she never did. And I felt so heartbroken.

I know this is such a small thing and I shouldn't give it much thought but at this point she just means so darn much in my life and I crave for her hugs more than anything else. But I just can't get myself to understand what to do about this. Because obviously she is not going to be here everyday.

Your boss is in a very difficult and probably unprofessional position. The hugs and the "baby girl" and "mom" talk have to make her a wee bit uncomfortable. In her position, she probably needs to be careful that she doesn't find herself in over her head. She might already be picking up on the fact that you are very dependent on her. That might be why you feel she isn't as close to you as you would like.

I understand the attachment you feel. I'm just going to encourage you to find other friends, both at work and out in public.

What worries me is, she is older than you. The entire situation makes even me feel a bit uncomfortable. I mean, this could lead down a road that neither of you intend. I hope you are being cautious, and allowing yourself the opportunity to find other friends. Don't make your boss your only friend. Please.

I can't even believe I am saying this, but good news is she has left the company and we don't talk to each other. It breaks my heart that we can't even carry a normal conversation anymore. And hurtful as I feel about it I don't think it could've been any better ending to this fiasco that neither of us intentionally signed up for but circumstantial issues came about and it all kinda happened.