Struggling with diagnosis

I was diagnosed about a year and a half ago with DPD and AvPD traits. I absolutely hate it and have fought it ever since. The idea of being dependent freaks me out and quite honestly disgusts me. For many years I was afraid of having bipolar because of my abusive father who had bipolar but honestly if I could trade illnesses I would. Now all my providers want to talk about is how my personality disorder is effecting my life, nevermind my depression and anxiety of which 29 meds have yet to properly treat. I'm so sick of hearing about my personality disorder because it feels like a fundamental flaw in my character and something that is inherently wrong with me. Plus, I don't like being around people much with the exception of my mom but even now I'm starting to get really sick of being around her for fear of being dependent. I hate that I'm supposed to be this 20 something year old who can't do anything and what's worse is now it feels like it's my fault. I'd much rather have AvPD because I don't like people and I don't understand people plus I don't like to rely on them. Yet my therapist says that because whenever I get fearful of change she sees me throw up my hands and give it to the nearest person (figure of speech). But I don't see that. I'd say yeah I do oftentimes go screw it but I don't give up responsibility to others. Now I just feel weak and like a burden to others, a waste of space. Not to mention when you read up on DPD it says things like "clinging behavior", yuck! But I digress. Thanks for letting my vent. And if anyone can relate or has successfully gotten through all the emotional crap of this diagnosis and gotten better, please let me know (I'm a tad desperate).

Hello steelcurtain27: All I can offer with regard to this is that, in my opinion, a diagnosis is just one mental health professional's opinion regarding what's going on with you. And diagnoses can-&-do change from one provider to the next... as well as over time. So a diagnosis is not written in stone, as the saying goes, nor need it define a person. You are much more than your diagnosis.

I'm diagnosed with mixed personality disorder with avoidant, dependent and schizoid traits. So perhaps I know a little bit about where you are coming from.

I agree that being diagnosed with a personality disorder is alarming. There is not much information out there that is very optimistic about changing when you have a PD. And I am 53 years old! And still very dependent on my therapist. And I hate that.

I also have tried bucket loads of antidepressants and none worked. I was on 5 at one time, with Abilify added in to augment the AD. The Abilify numbed me out some, which was a relief at the time.

The good news is that I believe I have found a therapy style that helps. I am less dependent, less depressed than I was a year ago. And this is after 5 years of deep, dark depression. The technique is called brain spotting.

Other than that, I have read that long term therapy can help. DBT helped me get along for many years-maybe that is something to consider.

I'll have to look up brain spotting, thank you.

I did DBT a few years ago but was a bit defiant about it so I don't think I got all that I could out of it. My NP says I should consider it again as well so I think I will. One fear I have is not being able to get up and going to the groups. Lately, I've been sleeping as much as 16 hours a day. I'm just so unbelievably tired. I hope this subsides as it's ruining my life (what little existence I do have).

I get not being able to get up. Ugh. Depression plus PD sucks. No doubt about it. Are you seeing a therapist now? Would the DBT group replace current therapy? Does it meet once a week or more often?

I am actually seeing two therapists, one for depression issues and one for another reason. My main therapist, well both I suppose, thinks I should do DBT again. I don't know if it would replace current therapy. The couple places recommended to me meet three times a week, I believe. My concern is being able to get to either of them. The past couple weeks I've slept most of the days away. It's embarrassing. You're right, depression and PD, absolutely suck.

I sleep a lot too. Can you get up? For me, I can get up if I have to, I just prefer to sleep to feeling things.

If I absolutely have to get up I can. For example, I can get up for appointments and things like that. Other than that I really have a hard time getting up. It's so unbelievably hard. I would say that part of it is a preference to being asleep as opposed to feeling anything. Although I've noticed once I actually get going I managed to get through the day but I can't seem to repeat it.