Diagnosed with Dependent Personality Disorder

I was diagnosed with Dependent Personality Disorder in the early '90's. Although none of my therapists have given me much information about it. I've been in psychiatric hospitals, none of the doctors there have ever given me treatment for it. I've gotten my information about it from the internet. I'm just now realizing how this personality disorder affects me and it's made it impossible for me to have a normal life. I've also read that personality disorders are not curable. Which is a drag because I've been trying to treat my problems all my life, but some of this stuff has never gone away. I had a therapist in the '80's who told me to practice assertiveness and standing up to abusive people. He told me my problems would go away if I did those 2 things. I've been asserting myself and standing up to abusive people for decades now and my dependent issues have not completey gone away. In the early '80's I had a guru and he taught me present moment meditation. He said my problems were caused by the mind, and that meditation would cure my problems. I practiced 16 hour a day meditation for 5 years, but I still had dependent issues that wouldn't go away. It bums me out that I have been seeking treatment for like 40 years, but nothing I've tried has been completely successful. Now, I'm 61 and my adult life is nearly over. It bums me out that I have tried every treatment plan that I know to try, but nothing has ever really worked, and I'v never completely been able to be an adult or have a life as an autonomous adult. Some people have been quite angry with me, but I realize now that most of my problems were things I couldn't help.

Your post resonated with me, that poignant sense of time’s passing. The podcast Psychology In Seattles offers an amazing deep dive on Dependent Personality Disorder, and addresses it occasionally. I’m not sure if it’s a Patreon episode, but it’s hours long. It seems to be about an early childhood that forbids self sufficiency in a way that instilled a deep but hidden anger - a constant double bind. Does that sound wrong or not attuned? How do you describe DPD? Therapists like to say we are hurt in relationship and heal in relationship, but that is easy to say and hard to do.
My grandfather fell madly in love at 71, and lived into his 90’s. It’s never over.