[OddityHolloway]

Two and a half years ago, I moved out on my own for the first time. The circumstances of moving were traumatic, if only for OCD related reasons, and it took me time to recover from that. Even after that period, living alone took more of a toll on me than I expected.

At the time that I moved, I knew I was Autistic and had OCD, Anxiety, Depression and Emotional Dissociation. In the time since I've realized that I also have ADHD, CPTSD, BPD and DPD.

I've been on a long journey getting to grips with and coming to understand these things. It's been very helpful that my support worker also had CPTSD and BPD, so just talking to her and looking at our shared experiences has been invaluable for learning about BPD, but while I've done a lot of introspection and my relationship with DPD has evolved over time, I haven't had the opportunity to talk to anyone else with DPD, so I haven't been able to get to grips with it as much.

While I have a lot of struggles, it's become clear that DPD is centrally responsible for how difficult these last 2 and a half years have been for me. Having DPD can also just be such an invalidating experience. My needs, strengths and values feel like they exist in such antithesis of those of the society around me. I feel like a fish in a desert surrounded by lizards making me feel lazy for not being able to walk as well as them.

I've come to understand my needs and strengths well enough to know that I'm not interested in trying to live like other people do. I'm devoutly neuro-affirming. I want to honour the strengths of DPD and find supports to supplement its weaknesses. I'd rather be in a wheelchair than live my life as a fish trying to walk.

I know that I'm not able to live on my own and I'm currently trying to find ways to arrange a better living situation for myself, but it's so difficult...

This last 2 and a half years has left me so completely emotionally exhausted and spiritually disconnected... I don't have the energy to do anything other than crawl in the vague direction of progress...

Advice would be appreciated, but I think I'm more looking for validation, especially from others with DPD. Just to know that I'm not alone, that there are other people like me, other people that have these struggles.

[Fuzzybear]

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