advertisement
Closed Thread
Thread Tools Display Modes
Winterbritt
Member
Winterbritt has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: Bedford, Indiana USA
Posts: 195
5 yr Member
57 hugs
given
Default Jan 10, 2018 at 09:43 AM
  #1
I was really miserable for a really long time.

I struggled and struggled and read and researched and tried everything.

I took solace in medication, and then felt heartbroken and desperate and out of control when I realized it wasn't working anymore.

I blamed the people around me, my job, my upbringing, myself.

I isolated myself and called it "being an introvert."

I slept in my bathtub for hours and hours every night because I couldn't face standing up and getting out.

I held my own hand in my bed in the middle of the night when I had no idea what else to do.

I argued about how depression was a legitimate disease and that it wasn't my choice, and how it's hereditary and how no one understands. And I got defensive and angry when anyone suggested I could do anything to fix it, even though I wanted nothing more than to fix it. And being a victim of depression became my identity.

And after years and years of struggle I couldn't live that way anymore, and I figured it out. And I'm ok now. And I have a life that I'm excited about. The world feels like a crazy cool beautiful funny place. And I'm so glad to be here. My mind works for me now. I have a vision board with all kinds of crazy dreams on it, and I'm happy and full of hope. And even if none of them ever came true, I wouldn't mind. I'm letting go of all my fears and redefining everything. I'm rewriting my story.

I have the same life and the same world. Nothing changed except for everything. I changed.

And it was simple. And it made sense. And I just kept working at it step-by-step, and the world blossomed in front of my very eyes. And I'm teaching other people because I want everyone to feel better. We all deserve a good life. There's no reason we can't have it.

It works and I can teach you, but it takes a little sacrifice.

You have to sacrifice your ego. You have to stop needing to be right about yourself. You have to stop needing to be the victim of depression. And that's hard, I know. Because sometimes it feels like that's the only true thing you know. And it might not even make sense to you yet at all, and if not, don't worry. It will.

All you have to do is consider that maybe there there's another explanation, another point of view, another set of beliefs that gives you the power and the control over your mind. And maybe you can just open up your mind a little, and shift your perspective, and maybe your mind could change itself in front of your every eyes.

Maybe you aren't a victim at all. Maybe you're actually ok. Maybe you've had the power all along.

You have to sacrifice the story that you tell about yourself. You have to be willing to start writing a new story. You have to be brave enough to consider what life would be like if you were ok. You have to stick your neck out just a tiny bit and risk having hope. You have to get clear about what being ok means. You have to be willing to picture yourself bright and happy. And I know that's hard.

You have to choose to be kind to yourself. You have to choose to realize that you've always done your best, every step of the way. And that turning your head and seeing a new way is also doing your best, right now. And your best is good enough, I promise.

And I know it's a risk. Because what if it doesn't work? But you have to try.

Eventually the risk of staying where you are will become greater than your fear. And you'll do something, and what will that something be?

You can change your brain. You can reroute your neural pathways. You can purposely and step-by-step choose what your life is going to feel like. You get to write the script of your life and paint all the scenery.

Hit me up. I will help you. I want to. And if you're skeptical, or scared, or you can't risk hope yet, that's ok. I'll come back here every couple of weeks and leave a little more hope on this thread.

All the love,
Brittany

__________________
I have a blog at www.winterbritt.com where I write about how I deconstruct my negative thoughts and shift my perception step by step.

"I promise if you keep searching for everything beautiful in this world, eventually you will become it." Tyler Kent White
Winterbritt is offline  
 
Hugs from:
Buffy01, embracinglife, frogger62, instant depresso, Paper Roses, sans, Serpentine Leaf, shaeshay, Shaynaj2727, Shazerac, shelda, SignOfHope, sinking, skiguy18, Train of Thought, unaluna, Wild Coyote
 
Thanks for this!
Buffy01, CrashDummy, embracinglife, frogger62, instant depresso, LilyMop, MickeyCheeky, oliamble, Paper Roses, sans, Sassandclass, Serpentine Leaf, Shaynaj2727, shelda, sinking, skiguy18, Suebop, TishaBuv, Train of Thought, twinkles7, unaluna, vital, Wild Coyote, Wilderleaf

advertisement
frogger62
Member
 
frogger62's Avatar
frogger62 is annoying
 
Member Since: Jan 2018
Location: America
Posts: 127
5 yr Member
109 hugs
given
Default Jan 10, 2018 at 09:34 PM
  #2
This really spoke to me, thank you Brittany. I'm going to try and keep this in mind

__________________
"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you." - Winnie the Pooh
frogger62 is offline  
 
Hugs from:
Winterbritt
 
Thanks for this!
Winterbritt
sans
Member
 
sans's Avatar
sans has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2013
Location: Ky
Posts: 430
10 yr Member
618 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 16, 2018 at 07:29 PM
  #3
Winterbritt,
Wow!! I love your mindset and determination!! I read this out loud to my daughter. Very powerful! Gonna check out your blog. Keep up the great work!
Sans
sans is offline  
 
Hugs from:
Winterbritt
 
Thanks for this!
oliamble, Winterbritt
daveanthony
New Member
daveanthony has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2018
Location: Ridgefield
Posts: 3
5 yr Member
Default Jan 27, 2018 at 12:06 PM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by Winterbritt View Post
I was really miserable for a really long time.


I struggled and struggled and read and researched and tried everything.


I took solace in medication, and then felt heartbroken and desperate and out of control when I realized it wasn't working anymore.


I blamed the people around me, my job, my upbringing, myself.


I isolated myself and called it "being an introvert."


I slept in my bathtub for hours and hours every night because I couldn't face standing up and getting out.


I held my own hand in my bed in the middle of the night when I had no idea what else to do.


I argued about how depression was a legitimate disease and that it wasn't my choice, and how it's hereditary and how no one understands. And I got defensive and angry when anyone suggested I could do anything to fix it, even though I wanted nothing more than to fix it. And being a victim of depression became my identity.


And after years and years of struggle I couldn't live that way anymore, and I figured it out. And I'm ok now. And I have a life that I'm excited about. The world feels like a crazy cool beautiful funny place. And I'm so glad to be here. My mind works for me now. I have a vision board with all kinds of crazy dreams on it, and I'm happy and full of hope. And even if none of them ever came true, I wouldn't mind. I'm letting go of all my fears and redefining everything. I'm rewriting my story.


I have the same life and the same world. Nothing changed except for everything. I changed.


And it was simple. And it made sense. And I just kept working at it step-by-step, and the world blossomed in front of my very eyes. And I'm teaching other people because I want everyone to feel better. We all deserve a good life. There's no reason we can't have it.


It works and I can teach you, but it takes a little sacrifice.


You have to sacrifice your ego. You have to stop needing to be right about yourself. You have to stop needing to be the victim of depression. And that's hard, I know. Because sometimes it feels like that's the only true thing you know. And it might not even make sense to you yet at all, and if not, don't worry. It will.


All you have to do is consider that maybe there there's another explanation, another point of view, another set of beliefs that gives you the power and the control over your mind. And maybe you can just open up your mind a little, and shift your perspective, and maybe your mind could change itself in front of your every eyes.


Maybe you aren't a victim at all. Maybe you're actually ok. Maybe you've had the power all along.


You have to sacrifice the story that you tell about yourself. You have to be willing to start writing a new story. You have to be brave enough to consider what life would be like if you were ok. You have to stick your neck out just a tiny bit and risk having hope. You have to get clear about what being ok means. You have to be willing to picture yourself bright and happy. And I know that's hard.


You have to choose to be kind to yourself. You have to choose to realize that you've always done your best, every step of the way. And that turning your head and seeing a new way is also doing your best, right now. And your best is good enough, I promise.


And I know it's a risk. Because what if it doesn't work? But you have to try.


Eventually the risk of staying where you are will become greater than your fear. And you'll do something, and what will that something be?


You can change your brain. You can reroute your neural pathways. You can purposely and step-by-step choose what your life is going to feel like. You get to write the script of your life and paint all the scenery.


Hit me up. I will help you. I want to. And if you're skeptical, or scared, or you can't risk hope yet, that's ok. I'll come back here every couple of weeks and leave a little more hope on this thread.


All the love,

Brittany


Awesome How I got rid of depression |Why it can never come back
daveanthony is offline  
 
Hugs from:
Shaynaj2727, Wild Coyote, Winterbritt
 
Thanks for this!
Shaynaj2727, Wild Coyote, Winterbritt
Warly
New Member
Warly has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: England
Posts: 5
5 yr Member
3 hugs
given
Default Mar 27, 2018 at 02:27 AM
  #5
This was great to read! I resonate with all of this.

I too, have managed to pull myself out of this depressive mindset and I feel liberated now and brand new.

I too, have a new vision and a new story and am excited for the future.

After reading tonnes of books and listened to podcast after podcast and attending CBT groups. Everything finally came together and I realised two things One, my depression is a story that I have created and I can write a new one. Two, I really need to love myself, but REALLY love myself.

I began to picture myself hugging myself every morning, I pictured seeing my face and just being excited to see me, the same way I feel when I see an old friend who loves me. It was hard at first because I really loathed myself, but now it's easy. I still do this one thing every morning and many other things to look after myself. But it all started with self love, it really works!

Keep up the good work of sending out hope to people still struggling!xx
Warly is offline  
 
Hugs from:
Serpentine Leaf, Wild Coyote
 
Thanks for this!
Wild Coyote
Wild Coyote
Legendary
Community Liaison
 
Wild Coyote's Avatar
Wild Coyote has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 12,735 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
70.9k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Heart Mar 29, 2018 at 02:59 PM
  #6
Hi Winterbritt,

Thanks for sharing.
You had written you'd come back and add hope to this thread every couple of weeks.

You haven't been back.
I hope you are okay?

WC

__________________
May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths.
Wild Coyote is offline  
Wild Coyote
Legendary
Community Liaison
 
Wild Coyote's Avatar
Wild Coyote has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 12,735 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
70.9k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Heart Mar 29, 2018 at 03:00 PM
  #7
Quote:
Originally Posted by Warly View Post
This was great to read! I resonate with all of this.

I too, have managed to pull myself out of this depressive mindset and I feel liberated now and brand new.

I too, have a new vision and a new story and am excited for the future.

After reading tonnes of books and listened to podcast after podcast and attending CBT groups. Everything finally came together and I realised two things One, my depression is a story that I have created and I can write a new one. Two, I really need to love myself, but REALLY love myself.

I began to picture myself hugging myself every morning, I pictured seeing my face and just being excited to see me, the same way I feel when I see an old friend who loves me. It was hard at first because I really loathed myself, but now it's easy. I still do this one thing every morning and many other things to look after myself. But it all started with self love, it really works!

Keep up the good work of sending out hope to people still struggling!xx
Happy for you, Warly.

WC

__________________
May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths.
Wild Coyote is offline  
sugarbeeMe
Member
 
sugarbeeMe's Avatar
sugarbeeMe has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2017
Posts: 203
5 yr Member
Default Apr 21, 2018 at 02:07 PM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wild Coyote View Post
Happy for you, Warly.



WC


I agree that depression creates a mindset of self loathing. But remember that habit is not the only hurdle depression creates. It is, I believe the first and perhaps the most imp. because without unconditional love for ourselves it is so much harder to care for ourselves. ❤️to all of us ❤️
sugarbeeMe is offline  
 
Hugs from:
Serpentine Leaf, Werewoman
princesspeaches01
New Member
princesspeaches01 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: America
Posts: 2
5 yr Member
Default Dec 27, 2018 at 05:15 PM
  #9
Quote:
Originally Posted by Winterbritt View Post
I was really miserable for a really long time.

I struggled and struggled and read and researched and tried everything.

I took solace in medication, and then felt heartbroken and desperate and out of control when I realized it wasn't working anymore.

I blamed the people around me, my job, my upbringing, myself.

I isolated myself and called it "being an introvert."

I slept in my bathtub for hours and hours every night because I couldn't face standing up and getting out.

I held my own hand in my bed in the middle of the night when I had no idea what else to do.

I argued about how depression was a legitimate disease and that it wasn't my choice, and how it's hereditary and how no one understands. And I got defensive and angry when anyone suggested I could do anything to fix it, even though I wanted nothing more than to fix it. And being a victim of depression became my identity.

And after years and years of struggle I couldn't live that way anymore, and I figured it out. And I'm ok now. And I have a life that I'm excited about. The world feels like a crazy cool beautiful funny place. And I'm so glad to be here. My mind works for me now. I have a vision board with all kinds of crazy dreams on it, and I'm happy and full of hope. And even if none of them ever came true, I wouldn't mind. I'm letting go of all my fears and redefining everything. I'm rewriting my story.

I have the same life and the same world. Nothing changed except for everything. I changed.

And it was simple. And it made sense. And I just kept working at it step-by-step, and the world blossomed in front of my very eyes. And I'm teaching other people because I want everyone to feel better. We all deserve a good life. There's no reason we can't have it.

It works and I can teach you, but it takes a little sacrifice.

You have to sacrifice your ego. You have to stop needing to be right about yourself. You have to stop needing to be the victim of depression. And that's hard, I know. Because sometimes it feels like that's the only true thing you know. And it might not even make sense to you yet at all, and if not, don't worry. It will.

All you have to do is consider that maybe there there's another explanation, another point of view, another set of beliefs that gives you the power and the control over your mind. And maybe you can just open up your mind a little, and shift your perspective, and maybe your mind could change itself in front of your every eyes.

Maybe you aren't a victim at all. Maybe you're actually ok. Maybe you've had the power all along.

You have to sacrifice the story that you tell about yourself. You have to be willing to start writing a new story. You have to be brave enough to consider what life would be like if you were ok. You have to stick your neck out just a tiny bit and risk having hope. You have to get clear about what being ok means. You have to be willing to picture yourself bright and happy. And I know that's hard.

You have to choose to be kind to yourself. You have to choose to realize that you've always done your best, every step of the way. And that turning your head and seeing a new way is also doing your best, right now. And your best is good enough, I promise.

And I know it's a risk. Because what if it doesn't work? But you have to try.

Eventually the risk of staying where you are will become greater than your fear. And you'll do something, and what will that something be?

You can change your brain. You can reroute your neural pathways. You can purposely and step-by-step choose what your life is going to feel like. You get to write the script of your life and paint all the scenery.

Hit me up. I will help you. I want to. And if you're skeptical, or scared, or you can't risk hope yet, that's ok. I'll come back here every couple of weeks and leave a little more hope on this thread.

All the love,
Brittany
thank you for this.
princesspeaches01 is offline  
sydney2019
New Member
sydney2019 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2019
Location: IL
Posts: 1
5 yr Member
3 hugs
given
Heart Feb 13, 2019 at 06:15 PM
  #10
I just want to let you know that I read your post and was happy to see that people actually can get better. Kudos to you!
sydney2019 is offline  
sarahsweets
Threadtastic Postaholic
 
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
192 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Feb 14, 2019 at 03:41 AM
  #11
Quote:
Originally Posted by Winterbritt View Post
I argued about how depression was a legitimate disease and that it wasn't my choice, and how it's hereditary and how no one understands. And I got defensive and angry when anyone suggested I could do anything to fix it, even though I wanted nothing more than to fix it. And being a victim of depression became my identity.
Depression isn't a disease and it isn't someone's choice. Who would choose to be depressed? And the predisposition can make someone succeptible to mental illness but it is no guarantee. I do not know if it can be 'fixed' in the way you are inferring. It can be treated.
Quote:
You have to sacrifice your ego. You have to stop needing to be right about yourself. You have to stop needing to be the victim of depression. And that's hard, I know. Because sometimes it feels like that's the only true thing you know. And it might not even make sense to you yet at all, and if not, don't worry. It will.
I am confused about why you are saying that people are victims of depression. Depression isn't a person or thing with self will or the ability to actively seek to harm a person. I do agree that sometimes being depressed and how it manifests can become part of someone's identity and that it needs to be reframed in order for it to be treated. I do not think this has anything at all to do with ego.
Quote:
All you have to do is consider that maybe there there's another explanation, another point of view, another set of beliefs that gives you the power and the control over your mind. And maybe you can just open up your mind a little, and shift your perspective, and maybe your mind could change itself in front of your every eyes.
Mind over matter is powerful but I think equally powerful is a chemical imbalance that when untreated can make life very hard. I think this is why proper meds is key.

Quote:
Maybe you aren't a victim at all. Maybe you're actually ok. Maybe you've had the power all along.
You have to sacrifice the story that you tell about yourself. You have to be willing to start writing a new story. You have to be brave enough to consider what life would be like if you were ok. You have to stick your neck out just a tiny bit and risk having hope. You have to get clear about what being ok means. You have to be willing to picture yourself bright and happy. And I know that's hard.
You keep saying "victim" and it makes me think of blame. I think a lot of people hope for a normal life and feel stuck with how to get there. Rather than emphasizing this apparent mind over matter opinion you have, I think talking about proper treatment with meds, therapy and lifestyle change makes more sense and is realistic.
Quote:
You can change your brain. You can reroute your neural pathways. You can purposely and step-by-step choose what your life is going to feel like. You get to write the script of your life and paint all the scenery.
It sounds like you have found the cure to a chemical imbalance. When are you going to publish the be all/end all self help book that also completely corrects a physical chemical imbalance? That's sarcastic I realize but your message of hope is completely lost when you toss around the word victim and minimize the legitimate, chemical imbalance in the brain.

__________________
"I carried a watermelon?"

President of the no F's given society.
sarahsweets is offline  
 
Thanks for this!
Quarter life, SignOfHope
embracinglife
Veteran Member
 
embracinglife's Avatar
embracinglife has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2009
Posts: 564
10 yr Member
39 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Feb 17, 2019 at 09:49 PM
  #12
Love your perspective. Thanks, I needed to read this.
embracinglife is offline  
Quarter life
Elder...and a bit Older
Community Liaison
Quarter life has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: My Own Orbit
Posts: 6,912
10 yr Member
371 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Mar 30, 2019 at 10:54 PM
  #13
I in no way mean to impugn Brittany's wonderful post of hope, and journey back to health...But Sarahsweets, I totally get your point. There is a great deal of difference between Situational Depression and Clinical Depression, where one is most usually the result of negative and often traumatic life events, the other results from chemical/hormonal imbalance and/or faulty electrical impulses needing to be corrected with medication. Even doctors often fail to differentiate in their diagnosis'.....'I believe you are Depressed'..or...'You are suffering from Depression'...both very different animals.

Out of Interest, I have included a link below that strives to differentiate the two.

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=...7-mL5uPKjYz4YP

__________________
The devil whispered in my ear, "You cannot withstand the storm." I whispered back, "I am ​the storm."
Quarter life is offline  
 
Thanks for this!
SignOfHope
shelda
Member
shelda has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Ottawa,Ont
Posts: 50
8 yr Member
104 hugs
given
Default Nov 12, 2019 at 07:26 PM
  #14
This is what i am trying to do and its scary as can be i feel weird...been trying this new way of thinking..and its like something cuts me off..i may have gone over the edge a tad...and i know i have to come back or there will be no return ticket for me I am dying inside.
shelda is offline  
 
Hugs from:
Serpentine Leaf
Serpentine Leaf
Member
Serpentine Leaf has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2019
Location: Mid Atlantic
Posts: 166
3 yr Member
687 hugs
given
Default Dec 16, 2019 at 01:12 PM
  #15
"Eventually the risk of staying where you are will become greater than your fear. And you'll do something, and what will that something be?"

Thank you for this one, Britt. And I will check out your blog for sure.

My path has been very similar to yours. I've felt trapped in depression for most of my life. I angrily resented any advice to forgive those who had harmed me, thinking that I did not have to forgive to let go of old pain and resentment. I was wrong. I angrily resented any suggestion that I was seeing myself as a helpless victim. I was wrong on that one too. I didn't even know how much I was wrapping myself up in self-pity and misery as protection against the fear of taking those steps to really change my mind and my actions. I clung to pain to avoid further pain and failure. I didn't want to feel that way anymore, but I couldn't see how much I was sabotaging my own efforts to improve and truly get well.

I also angrily resented any suggestion that my ego was at work to keep me stuck, since I truly loathed myself. But a depressed mind focuses only on its own pain and problems. Only when I truly understood that all people feel pain, that suffering is universal, did I step outside of myself. I knew it on a factual level but didn't truly understand it. When you truly understand, then pain becomes something that connects, rather than isolates.


None of this is to blame and shame anyone who is struggling with their depression or other struggles. It's no one's fault for being stuck. It can and does happen to everybody in one form or another. We're all human beings with pain and trauma and an uneven skill set.

There are some other things that kept me stuck:

1. I compartmentalized myself in different situations and with different people. I feared rejection and failure. It was exhausting and damaged me more than I ever could have imagined when I started. I thought I was protecting myself by doing this, but instead I very nearly destroyed myself. I finally realized that I have to be the whole me no matter where I am and who I'm with. If they're going to accept or reject me, it has to be based on the truth of who I am, not what little I've decided to show to them.

2. I was a world-class ruminator, and most of the time it felt like my mind was doing it on its own completely outside of my control. The truth is that I didn't have the strength to stop it because I was so worn out from feeling so bad. The pain of depression so drained my mental and emotional resources that I had nothing left to counter the impulse of rumination. I swirled myself into a whirlpool of anxiety, depression, and self-recrimination for any actual or perceived failure. The trashing of my self-esteem came 100% from me, even if I was thinking of what other people had said or done to me over the years. I had to realize that when people say or do cruel things, it's because of what they feel inside and has nothing to do with you. Some people feel like they can only boost their own egos by ripping other people apart. It's a signal of an inner wound, not an utterance of truth. That applies to what we tell ourselves, too.

3. I was horrible to myself. I beat the snot out of myself over every actual or perceived mistake, shortcoming, or failing. I would never have spoken to other people the way I spoke to myself. I would never have judged others the way I judged myself. The self-compassion exercises linked to from this forum have done wonders for me.

Self-Compassion


I realized that holding myself to such a higher standard was indeed a mark of ego, something I vehemently denied. I let go of that and accepted my humanity. I accepted that I was just as capable as everyone else of the things I denied in myself but saw in others, and everything changed so quickly. Every human, even those who hate ourselves, are capable of clinging to ego. It's how we try to protect ourselves when we feel vulnerable, but it ultimately causes further harm to our minds, hearts, relationships, and lives.

4. I hid my feelings not only from others, but from myself. All I felt was pain and confusion, but did not explore the full range of how I felt. It was terrifying and I felt like I would completely lose control of myself, but only by letting myself go into that pool did I find myself in control of those emotions. Hiding from them only made them claim me and smack me around. Whenever feelings finally came up, I was so overwhelmed by them that I could not function. The mindfulness technique of feeling them, acknowledging them completely without judgement, and then moving on, really did work, but it took years of practice. I was convinced that it didn't work, but it does. As Britt wisely said, it just takes time for our brains to get used to working that way.


5. Most importantly, we can't expect our needs to be fulfilled if we refuse to expose them. I hid my needs form myself and others just like I did with my feelings, and for the same reason. I thought I was protecting myself, but instead it brought me multiple times to the longing to no longer exist. I felt so isolated in my pain, and so desperate for any contact yet still feeling so utterly alone even when I spent time with others. I kept my needs locked in a box, fearing that exposure would mean rejection/ridicule/disaster. Nobody can ever relate to you if you refuse to make yourself vulnerable. We of course have to remain on guard against those who would seek to exploit us, but we can't expect to survive psychologically if we cling to inch-thick armor at all times. We connect with humanity when we display humanity, and to be human is to be flawed and weak and foolish at times.

Nobody has all the answers, and I'll state again that I'm not passing any blame or shame on anybody. I just wanted to share what helped me in the hope that someone else can be helped too. If I had read my own post as little as a few months ago, I probably would have cursed at the computer screen and said, "This is BS, this person has no idea what I'm going through." It's true that everyone's struggle is unique, and that there are more factors at work in mental illness than how we think about ourselves and our problems. But it's also true that we aren't the puppets of either biology or our past experiences. Taking power over ourselves is frightening, but it's the only real way to heal.

I wish everyone peace and blessings on their journey to wellness!
Serpentine Leaf is offline  
 
Thanks for this!
Paper Roses
Buffy01
Wise Elder
 
Buffy01's Avatar
Buffy01 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,460 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
9,664 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 06, 2020 at 05:00 PM
  #16
Quote:
Originally Posted by Winterbritt View Post
I was really miserable for a really long time.

I struggled and struggled and read and researched and tried everything.

I took solace in medication, and then felt heartbroken and desperate and out of control when I realized it wasn't working anymore.

I blamed the people around me, my job, my upbringing, myself.

I isolated myself and called it "being an introvert."

I slept in my bathtub for hours and hours every night because I couldn't face standing up and getting out.

I held my own hand in my bed in the middle of the night when I had no idea what else to do.

I argued about how depression was a legitimate disease and that it wasn't my choice, and how it's hereditary and how no one understands. And I got defensive and angry when anyone suggested I could do anything to fix it, even though I wanted nothing more than to fix it. And being a victim of depression became my identity.

And after years and years of struggle I couldn't live that way anymore, and I figured it out. And I'm ok now. And I have a life that I'm excited about. The world feels like a crazy cool beautiful funny place. And I'm so glad to be here. My mind works for me now. I have a vision board with all kinds of crazy dreams on it, and I'm happy and full of hope. And even if none of them ever came true, I wouldn't mind. I'm letting go of all my fears and redefining everything. I'm rewriting my story.

I have the same life and the same world. Nothing changed except for everything. I changed.

And it was simple. And it made sense. And I just kept working at it step-by-step, and the world blossomed in front of my very eyes. And I'm teaching other people because I want everyone to feel better. We all deserve a good life. There's no reason we can't have it.

It works and I can teach you, but it takes a little sacrifice.

You have to sacrifice your ego. You have to stop needing to be right about yourself. You have to stop needing to be the victim of depression. And that's hard, I know. Because sometimes it feels like that's the only true thing you know. And it might not even make sense to you yet at all, and if not, don't worry. It will.

All you have to do is consider that maybe there there's another explanation, another point of view, another set of beliefs that gives you the power and the control over your mind. And maybe you can just open up your mind a little, and shift your perspective, and maybe your mind could change itself in front of your every eyes.

Maybe you aren't a victim at all. Maybe you're actually ok. Maybe you've had the power all along.

You have to sacrifice the story that you tell about yourself. You have to be willing to start writing a new story. You have to be brave enough to consider what life would be like if you were ok. You have to stick your neck out just a tiny bit and risk having hope. You have to get clear about what being ok means. You have to be willing to picture yourself bright and happy. And I know that's hard.

You have to choose to be kind to yourself. You have to choose to realize that you've always done your best, every step of the way. And that turning your head and seeing a new way is also doing your best, right now. And your best is good enough, I promise.

And I know it's a risk. Because what if it doesn't work? But you have to try.

Eventually the risk of staying where you are will become greater than your fear. And you'll do something, and what will that something be?

You can change your brain. You can reroute your neural pathways. You can purposely and step-by-step choose what your life is going to feel like. You get to write the script of your life and paint all the scenery.

Hit me up. I will help you. I want to. And if you're skeptical, or scared, or you can't risk hope yet, that's ok. I'll come back here every couple of weeks and leave a little more hope on this thread.

All the love,
Brittany
I wish that I knew how to get out of depression. I hate feeling really down and sad all the time.
Buffy01 is offline  
 
Hugs from:
Serpentine Leaf
 
Thanks for this!
LilyMop
Paper Roses
Member
Paper Roses Spellint
 
Member Since: Jan 2010
Location: California
Posts: 81
10 yr Member
14 hugs
given
Default Jan 09, 2020 at 09:46 PM
  #17
I do so agree. Perspective is everything. I'm not sure that genuine grief is avoidable. But self loathing is a choice. I'm ok with me. Warts and all.
Thanks and hope all is well.
Paper Roses is offline  
 
Hugs from:
Serpentine Leaf
 
Thanks for this!
Serpentine Leaf
Paper Roses
Member
Paper Roses Spellint
 
Member Since: Jan 2010
Location: California
Posts: 81
10 yr Member
14 hugs
given
Default Jan 10, 2020 at 02:58 AM
  #18
I'm not judging or blaming. There have been times in my life and may be again in which I did not have any desire or enough to change my thinking. There is evidence that suggests that thinking differently can help one to feel differently.

Depression is far more complex than that. I find that I need to keep a step ahead of my depression. I need to be grateful for what is good in my life every day. Simple things like coffee or knowing that I'm going somewhere I want to go on the weekend. If I think about my sadness most of the time it does tend to take priority. I need to acknowledge my sadness but balance it with focus on what good I can see. If I do this I can manage my depression most of the time.

There are times that I wake up crying. I have a hard time changing that channel. I might just accept that I will have a sad day. But, I have strategies for escaping those thoughts and feelings. I paint or journal or color or take a walk.

It's a lot of work. I wish I did not have so much pain but I will fight falling into the black hole with all of my strength. I know that if I fall in it will take a long long time to find my way out.
Paper Roses is offline  
 
Hugs from:
Mopey, Serpentine Leaf, Train of Thought
 
Thanks for this!
Mopey, Serpentine Leaf, Train of Thought
Serpentine Leaf
Member
Serpentine Leaf has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2019
Location: Mid Atlantic
Posts: 166
3 yr Member
687 hugs
given
Default Jan 10, 2020 at 11:41 AM
  #19
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paper Roses View Post
I'm not judging or blaming. There have been times in my life and may be again in which I did not have any desire or enough to change my thinking. There is evidence that suggests that thinking differently can help one to feel differently.

Depression is far more complex than that. I find that I need to keep a step ahead of my depression. I need to be grateful for what is good in my life every day. Simple things like coffee or knowing that I'm going somewhere I want to go on the weekend. If I think about my sadness most of the time it does tend to take priority. I need to acknowledge my sadness but balance it with focus on what good I can see. If I do this I can manage my depression most of the time.

There are times that I wake up crying. I have a hard time changing that channel. I might just accept that I will have a sad day. But, I have strategies for escaping those thoughts and feelings. I paint or journal or color or take a walk.

It's a lot of work. I wish I did not have so much pain but I will fight falling into the black hole with all of my strength. I know that if I fall in it will take a long long time to find my way out.

It's very hard to change old patterns, especially when we learned them in childhood. And we have to accept that we'll have setbacks, down days, and bad events that will trigger our old habits again. I don't think that black hole ever disappears entirely, but it doesn't have to own us anymore. You have no shortage of support in your journey to wellness, Paper Roses (cool name BTW!) Most of us are here cheering for each other and ready with hugs.
Serpentine Leaf is offline  
 
Hugs from:
Paper Roses
 
Thanks for this!
Paper Roses, Train of Thought
guy1111
Member
guy1111 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2018
Location: US
Posts: 422
5 yr Member
Default Mar 20, 2020 at 10:00 PM
  #20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Winterbritt View Post
I was really miserable for a really long time.

I struggled and struggled and read and researched and tried everything.

I took solace in medication, and then felt heartbroken and desperate and out of control when I realized it wasn't working anymore.

I blamed the people around me, my job, my upbringing, myself.

I isolated myself and called it "being an introvert."

I slept in my bathtub for hours and hours every night because I couldn't face standing up and getting out.

I held my own hand in my bed in the middle of the night when I had no idea what else to do.

I argued about how depression was a legitimate disease and that it wasn't my choice, and how it's hereditary and how no one understands. And I got defensive and angry when anyone suggested I could do anything to fix it, even though I wanted nothing more than to fix it. And being a victim of depression became my identity.

And after years and years of struggle I couldn't live that way anymore, and I figured it out. And I'm ok now. And I have a life that I'm excited about. The world feels like a crazy cool beautiful funny place. And I'm so glad to be here. My mind works for me now. I have a vision board with all kinds of crazy dreams on it, and I'm happy and full of hope. And even if none of them ever came true, I wouldn't mind. I'm letting go of all my fears and redefining everything. I'm rewriting my story.

I have the same life and the same world. Nothing changed except for everything. I changed.

And it was simple. And it made sense. And I just kept working at it step-by-step, and the world blossomed in front of my very eyes. And I'm teaching other people because I want everyone to feel better. We all deserve a good life. There's no reason we can't have it.

It works and I can teach you, but it takes a little sacrifice.

You have to sacrifice your ego. You have to stop needing to be right about yourself. You have to stop needing to be the victim of depression. And that's hard, I know. Because sometimes it feels like that's the only true thing you know. And it might not even make sense to you yet at all, and if not, don't worry. It will.

All you have to do is consider that maybe there there's another explanation, another point of view, another set of beliefs that gives you the power and the control over your mind. And maybe you can just open up your mind a little, and shift your perspective, and maybe your mind could change itself in front of your every eyes.

Maybe you aren't a victim at all. Maybe you're actually ok. Maybe you've had the power all along.

You have to sacrifice the story that you tell about yourself. You have to be willing to start writing a new story. You have to be brave enough to consider what life would be like if you were ok. You have to stick your neck out just a tiny bit and risk having hope. You have to get clear about what being ok means. You have to be willing to picture yourself bright and happy. And I know that's hard.

You have to choose to be kind to yourself. You have to choose to realize that you've always done your best, every step of the way. And that turning your head and seeing a new way is also doing your best, right now. And your best is good enough, I promise.

And I know it's a risk. Because what if it doesn't work? But you have to try.

Eventually the risk of staying where you are will become greater than your fear. And you'll do something, and what will that something be?

You can change your brain. You can reroute your neural pathways. You can purposely and step-by-step choose what your life is going to feel like. You get to write the script of your life and paint all the scenery.

Hit me up. I will help you. I want to. And if you're skeptical, or scared, or you can't risk hope yet, that's ok. I'll come back here every couple of weeks and leave a little more hope on this thread.

All the love,
Brittany
I used to be in that place. I remember! But it's been a while. Now I feel hopeless again. How do I rewrite my story AGAIN? It took me over a year to get to that place. It feels daunting to start all over. Any advice?
guy1111 is offline  
 
Hugs from:
Train of Thought
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:16 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.