Severe depression- please help!

I am severely depressed....again. Don't worry, I'm not suicidal. A lot has been happening. I wish so much that I have a "brain" but I don't. I have been brainless since I was born and my IQ tests have proven this. I am totally braindead. I have no future. My brother is amazing, will make millions of dollars within 5 years, when I am having "negative worth." That means worse than worthless. I cause nothing but problems for my family and the world. Let's start with my family. As I have said over the years, I am a burden. I see the stress that I cause to my family. I mean I take up my mom's entire life up, because I can't drive for numerous reasons, so she has to take me to my many appointments. I have made them spend money on a totally unsuccessful "business" by doing shows that suck away our money. The word "success" doesn't compute. Back in October, you all might remember how manic I was, full of grandiose delusions..thinking I was the Famous Artist, and worth millions of dollars, thinking I was literally going to change the world with my ideas and art. Yeah right, I can't believe that I ever thought of that!! How can I? I am currently looking for a psychiatrist that specializes in autism. I haven't been to my pdoc (my previous one obviously) in a few months. He was good, but he didn't understand autism. The aliens say they are going to invade soon, destroy the planet, and select a whole bunch of Chosen Ones to fight in an intergalactic war, and yes, they have chosen me as you all probably know. A few weeks ago I saw the alien ships. It was so scary that I had to run back into the house. Not a hallucination or delusion. The gov also wants me along with other people to fight in a war THEY created, and are in the process of making me a robot, for about 6 months I have been smelling body parts rotting (at first I thought it was the brain, but how can that be if I don't have one in the first place?), you will say, "You are having olfactory hallucinations with somatic delusions" but its not the case, as it is real and I have proof. I can read minds now!! I know I am not psychotic in any way, shape or form. Its called depression. A sad way of being. I also have guilt, had it for many years. The world is going to end because of me. A plane crashed recently in Indonesia because of ME. I predicted it in the beginning of the month, and it happened. About 100 died in the crash, and they would still be here if it wasn't for me. Of course it wasn't intentional. Just a vision of a crash, followed by the gov accusing me of sabotage. I was (and still am) in America. I have been having weird experiences recently, I think its depersonalization and derealization. Everything around me appears fake, I feel dead, my body feels like its under the influence of someone else, reading stuff looks like in a different language (but yet still can read and of course type), floaty feeling (sometimes so severe that I am going to the ceiling), time distortion and dizziness. Also because of the depression, I haven't been eating very much at all for the past month or so. So, what do I do besides the obvious (going to a pdoc)?

It seems that you are close to (or at) the deepest stage of your depression. People who are in the deepest of thier depresssion will feel suicidal but thye won't even want to do anything to hurt themselves.

I am sorry that you feel this way and I hope you feel better.

Tell me what happends,

Roman James

Hello, FireBird! You say you haven't been eating much lately. That might be a place to start; eat more if you can. Also, how's your sleep - getting enough?

Anyway, those are just immediate suggestions. May your pdoc be understanding.

My sleep varies greatly day to day. Some days its more like Hypersomnia, while other days I have insomnia. Hardly anything in the middle.

((((((((((((((((((((((FireBird))))))))))))))))))) I hope you find a new pdoc soon and you and tne pdoc are able to find you some relief.

BB