[littleyellowspider]

I haven't posted on here in a really really long time. (Like since January) which i feel kind of bad about because I want to be able to post on other people's threads and support people but I guess I just got side tracked.
But I was feeling really sad today and thought about this site so i thought I'd come back and post something.
I have been so incredibly depressed lately. I turned 20 a few weeks ago and I feel like ever since that happened I have been a gigantic mess. I just keep thinking that i have been alive for 20 years and have basically wasted it and never done anything with it. I feel so incredibly inferior to everyone. I find I'm having trouble even doing things like going on facebook or talking to a friend because when i talk to other people all i think is how much better they are than me and how I can't do a single thing right. i feel like I just waste everyone's time and space. I wish i could just disappear. I feel so so so lost. I have so many things I wish i could do but I just am a huge failure and can't do anything. I feel bad even being on this site because I can't ever think of anything to say to help anyone else.
I have started only seeing my therapist once a month instead of once a week because I started seeing her originally for an eating disorder which isn't as much of a problem anymore but the depression, anxiety and lots of self loathing are still there. I still feel like I have the feelings of an eating disorder, I just don't act on those feelings anymore. I really feel like I should still be in therapy but it reached a point where I wasn't really getting anymore out of it I guess, I saw my doctor and am on a different amount of medication which helps a bit but i still feel horrible.

[leacon]

Sweetie I just read the really nice responses you made to myself and to bananasarecool. You really do have a lot to give. If you still have a lot of depression and esteem issues, getting rid of the eating disorder will only be temporary. Not saying that you would go back to the eating disorder, but you may begin something else. Have you thought about changing therapists? You may get more from a new one.

[turquoisesea]

hey there littleyellowspider

first off...
you never have to post and reply. It's ok that you were gone for a while. I always feel like I want to respond to everyone, I like to help people but please realize it's ok.

First off, you're 20. Even though you're having a hard time you're not a waste, you have a while to live yet and therefore you have SO much time to change. So no matter what's going on now I believe that you can get better and change and still have such a long time left to be. I think you should realize dealing with your eating disorder is a HUGE thing , you are so amazing to have done that! congratz. It's something amazing, you're A SUCCESS. Now there are some other problems to deal with but I think you can get through these too.

Talk to your therapist maybe they have some ideas, some ways to help.

[psjeff]

Well You have taken a lot of positive steps. You recognize you need more to cope right now. What about finding a new therapist? You are 20 years old, but you still have a long way to go. Most of us sit back and think wow at this age I should have done this or that, but haven't and we get down on ourselves as a result of it. There are always going to be people out there better than us, but focus on what you have accomplished like controlling your eating disorder and keep reaching out.

[Fuzzybear]

[perhapsbelligerent]

wow...

i've been having the same issue with facebook. seriously, you gave me a big old smile with that.

im 26, and well... i work at a fast food joint, not married, not even involved, no kids... and just out of prison. compared to everyone that i graduated with, i look like a loser on a facebook. Sadly, given my current loneliness, ive been trying to build up my profile on that site too to reconnect with past friends, so it's a issue that's been rubbed in my nose for that past few months too.

when i read your post, the first thought in my mind was : " their only 20, they got plenty of time to make something of their life." then my second thought was " wait, im only 26, i got plenty of time to make something of my life."

to heck with facebook. we still got plenty of good years ahead of us.