[leacon]

As some of you may know, last week I had two separate instances of people on a different forum either trying to commit suicide or else coming very close to it. The first person the last I heard she had a bunch of painkillers she planned on taking. I have heard nothing since that time. The second person seems to have hung on and now is doing better. The first person I barely knew but the second person I have come to know well. Last night I was reading one of the forums and a third person seems to be seriously thinking about it. I do not know him well but from what I have seen I have become fond of him and respect him. His post said something about firing his therapist, not wanting to have anyone else finding out he was a failure, and then he said good bye. I feel so helpless; nothing I can do to help make these people feel like living. This has triggered my depression now. Barely wanted to get out of bed today. What makes it worse is all I have is silence. No further word as to what may have happened. I just want to curl in a corner and forget about everything.

[Amazonmom]

[psjeff]

Originally Posted by leacon

As some of you may know, last week I had two separate instances of people on a different forum either trying to commit suicide or else coming very close to it. The first person the last I heard she had a bunch of painkillers she planned on taking. I have heard nothing since that time. The second person seems to have hung on and now is doing better. The first person I barely knew but the second person I have come to know well. Last night I was reading one of the forums and a third person seems to be seriously thinking about it. I do not know him well but from what I have seen I have become fond of him and respect him. His post said something about firing his therapist, not wanting to have anyone else finding out he was a failure, and then he said good bye. I feel so helpless; nothing I can do to help make these people feel like living. This has triggered my depression now. Barely wanted to get out of bed today. What makes it worse is all I have is silence. No further word as to what may have happened. I just want to curl in a corner and forget about everything.

I don't know exactly what to say. I understand your frustration and it seems like the "silence" from these individuals would make it scarier because you just don't know. Sometimes though you have to take that leap of faith that those individuals will pull through and whatever words of comfort you offered may have made a difference. Often times we don't realize how much our words impact someone else. Try not to let it bring you down.

[lynn P.]

Hi Leacon,
I understand how you feel. I volunteer(as Bellacutie) in the Q and A section of this website and often there are suicidal posts. It is upsetting, but I try to keep a level head and steer them in the right direction. Sometimes nothing seems to soothe them and that's not our fault. If it's getting you down, then for now try to avoid them. Most of the time, they answer back right away, but 2 days ago one person didn't write back and I hope he/she is okay. I think if someone going to threaten suicide and they don't do it - they should at least write back that they're okay - that's the polite thing to do, so we're not left hanging. Try to be helpful and objective without getting emotional

[Catherine2]

Leacon,
good advice given and I sincerely hope it helps you...

jme, and it took awhile for me to transfer "it" from my work.
You cannot allow yourself to get drawn into the drama.
There is only so much that can be done in any online community...PMs, chat, even emails if they have been shared.
Beyond that there isn't a lot we can do...

It places an unbelievably heavy burden on us when we try and give support to someone who is talking about suicide.
Please understand that setting boundaries is not deserting anyone...if you don't set them then you risk a spiral into depression for yourself.
Setting those boundaries also does not mean that you don't care...it's obvious that you care very much...perhaps a bit too much?

None of us has control over the actions of a poster. All we can do is share reasons to live, ask them to call for help, direct them to available resources, and hope like dickens they do make that call.
We do it over and over again, sometimes with the same poster. Accepting that there are limitations on what we can do is hard, very hard.
It's an absolute necessity that we do it, though.

I know, as others here do, that it's a tough thing to do...all the more reason to set boundaries for yourself so you are not going to endanger your own stability.
Perhaps a short rest from doing anything more than games, social chat, etc. is in order until you feel better.

Take care of you, please
Catherine

[littleyellowspider]

Originally Posted by leacon

As some of you may know, last week I had two separate instances of people on a different forum either trying to commit suicide or else coming very close to it. The first person the last I heard she had a bunch of painkillers she planned on taking. I have heard nothing since that time. The second person seems to have hung on and now is doing better. The first person I barely knew but the second person I have come to know well. Last night I was reading one of the forums and a third person seems to be seriously thinking about it. I do not know him well but from what I have seen I have become fond of him and respect him. His post said something about firing his therapist, not wanting to have anyone else finding out he was a failure, and then he said good bye. I feel so helpless; nothing I can do to help make these people feel like living. This has triggered my depression now. Barely wanted to get out of bed today. What makes it worse is all I have is silence. No further word as to what may have happened. I just want to curl in a corner and forget about everything.

Oh leacon I am so so sorry to hear that this happening to you. There was a situation about a year and a half ago in my life where a good friend's father and my boyfriend at the time's brother both committed suicide within a month of each other, not long after another close friend attempted suicide. So I can understand the feeling of helplessness that comes from this. I wish that I could give you some wonderful advice to make you feel better. Just remember that what they do is not your fault. You are doing all you can to help them. I agree with psjeff that you never know how much you may have helped someone. My thoughts are with you and I am sending very big hugs

[turquoisesea]

leacon - I've read this a few times but it's been harder for me to respond to this

You have to realize that you can't change people. You can affect how they change themselves but you are not in control of what they do. It's scary when you care for someone and you realize that all you can do is guide but it's true.

Please... don't blame yourself in any way. Try to get them the help they need. But don't put yourself in harms way trying to do so.

You're a caring great person from everything I've seen around here. Your responses to my posts mean alot, and what you say to everyone is really appreciated too.

there's no magic word to make this go away but I'm sending hugs and hope things work out for the best

[justfloating]

(((((((((((leacon))))))))))))

short on words just now but I want you to know I read your post and I'm thinking of you. Lots of hugs.

[leacon]

Thank You for your support. I am doing better now. At least two of the people are also doing better now. The first one still no word. I am glad now I took the actions I did on Saturday. I contacted one of the administrators on that forum, and one of them contacted the person. He has come back onto the forum just as nice as ever. I have learned a lot also. During the height of this, I began wondering if it was fair to tell others about suicidal intentions. Then began to realize how I would feel if my friend did not say anything about suicide to protect me. I would be upset about that. So I may run across this again, but hopefully I can deal with it better next time.