[darkpurplesecrets]

I am unsure what to say but I am really scared and depressed. I feel at times I want to just give up, to just not keep going in this fight. At times it is too heavy to carry and walk at the same time and I feel I will fall under the burden of it all. I keep trying to walk but it feels as though I am falling into quicksand. Like I am spinning my tires in the mud, and they keep sinking lower to where I cannot get out. Or like I am climbing up a mountain, that never ends, and when I think I am going to reach the top, I tumble back again.

I reach forward but it feels as though my arms are being pulled backwards, sometimes even being tied to where I cannot moved myself or get away. And I try and try but get only a few steps before I lose ground and fall back again. And the frustration I feel is so overwhelming that at times I want to give up and go away. Sometimes, go away inside into my world of silence where no one can hear me or know where I am--sometimes completely away where no one will have to ever find me.

When the inside clashes with the outside world and you can see for the debree that is flying everywhere. Or like when you are out walking in a blizzard and you cannot see in front of your face and you really do not know where you are going--you only hope you get there. Or you stand outside a house and you try to get in but you cannot find the key--and you wonder if you get in if you will ever get out because of the doors and windows that are locked.

You want to open up yet you keep closed so tightly for fear of what will happen, of what someone will think. And you want someone to know to hear--yet you fight for the fear of rejection and that once again knowing of a false love that only hurts you. One inside cries unsure of love unsure of truth unsure that she is where she thinks she is. And though you try to assure--her trust has totally been demolished and crushed once again--and her fear is greater than her belief in safety.

But you try, you try to be open and you tell what you really feel hoping someone hears what you are trying to say. Hoping the words get across--screaming to the top of your lungs within--silent without. No one hears your screams only you and your head. And you wish someone could just look and see the screaming through ones eyes and just know. But how do you tell when you try to be strong--at least until the fear just overtakes and you cannot be that strength anymore?

Right now we are going through something that is pulling our heart apart--we are afraid. We feel pretty worthless even though we are trying to hold on tight. We are trying to be strong and make it, b ut I have to be honest--we are struggling--afraid. Will it ever end? Will the pain ever stop--will it all ever stop?

dps

[idontknow13]

(((((darkpurplesecrets))))))

[Naturefreak]

I don't really know what to say but that was a really touching post.
I just want to say I'm very sorry you feel the way you do but I can't fix it.
I can only say I hope things will get better for you. Take Care of Yourself.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((((( darkpurplesecrets )))))))))))))))))))