at the end of the rope

Feel like i have no more control...i am just plain SAD... hypochondria is the leader,,,i just had a baby 3 months ago...i love him TOO DEATH he deserves a happy mother...i have this fear of dying...a fear that my son will have no mother...i cry all the time..im scared to be alone...i have lost so much of myself...sometimes i will just lay down people will call my name the baby will be crying...phone ringing someone at the door...and i will have NO WILL too get up..i just stare at the celling....tommorow is my 22nd birthday.....im too young to be unhappy with life..i sometimes think...if i just die right now...it would end all of this pain inside of me...i just need someone too talk too...im at the end of my rope and im scared of falling

Hi Emily, welcome

Do you have an OBGYN or another doctor or therapist to talk to about this? Sometimes after pregnancy women can develop post-partum depression. It doesn't mean anything bad, it means your hormones are out of whack and you may need drugs to regulate them for a while, or therapy to deal with your life right now. It is not a personal failing to ask for help, ok? I'm glad you love your son, but he needs his mom - and you deserve to be happy. Happy be-early birthday.

Otherwise, being a teenage-mom means a lot more stress and dealing with stuff that not everyone else who's a mother has to deal with. What about your family? Can you talk to them or ask them for help? Friends? Relatives?

((((((Emily1987)))))) I agree with Christina86.

HI Emily. I am sorry things are so rough for you right now. It really sounds as though you are suffering from post partum depression. Please thing about getting help as this is totally treatable. I went through it alone and didn't have to.
Congratulations on your little one!

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I had a baby 7 months ago and I have been in your shoes. Even now sometimes I still get very depressed and feel like it's not worth it. I am not a doctor but you have all the same thoughts and feelings that I did (including thinking I was such a bad mother because I wasn't happy, the baby would be better of with someone else and just wanted to die and make all the pain end) and I was diagnosed with postpartum depresion. You can get treatment, meds, whatever you need and get through this.

I know the first 3 months are the hardest. Babies are kind of like slugs those 3 months because all the do is sleep, poop, and eat. Your baby will soon be cooing, touching your face, staring deep in your eyes and never blink (all to get to know you even better), want to play...then start the crawling, and all the good stuff that babies start doing.

The reward of wathcing your child go from a baby who needs every little thing taken care of to trying to be independant is just starting. Please hold in there and get help if you need too. I know it's not easy. What you have is very treatable.

Your baby needs YOU!!!

(((((Emily)))))) I agree with Alaskan who agrees with Christina. Seriously, I hope you seek a doctor's help soon, if you haven't already. Do it for your baby. I spent my daughter's early years in a deep depression that came back again and again because I never sought treatment for it. She missed a lot from me and I am still forgiving myself for it - she's now all grown up and has not spoken to me in 6 years.

(((Emily1987)))