When we do stupid things...

Why do I do such stupid things.

I joined Mental Health America's Representative Payee Program (a national program) in October 2008. I has been a Godsend for me. I wish I had known about the program years ago. My current psychologist told me about the program. You can only qualify if a mental health professional complete a form saying you have a mental illness...that wasn't hard to do.

My bills are all paid on time. I live on an almost unlivable weekly allowance. But, no more dun or shut off notices and it has help me stem my compulsive spending.

But yesterday, ASSUMING I would be able to reach my Rep today or yesterday I spent money I didn't have before I had it in the bank. It was a necessary expense, but I should have waited until Wednesday (tomorrow.)

This morning I called the main office in another city and left a message in a "general mailbox" always a bad thing, but I can't reach a human being. If my rep is on vacation this week and didn't tell her clients she was going to be out and whom to reach during that time, I am going to be hugely pissed at her.

Now I am faced with terrible bank problem. Because of my age I qualify at the bank for the 'we don't return it, we pay it' and charge you an exorbitant fee to do so.

Stupid Stupid...no other word can describe what I did. Why do I do such stupid things. And my 17 year old cat needs to go to the vet very badly. He has a fever, sneezes and throws up. I don't have the money to do anything...gas, food...zip.

I have called my oldest daughter, for whom both of us grandmother "work" for FREE five days a week (including after school pick up during the school year) and that includes the gas to do the associated driving to and from, etc. I wanted to know if I could have some money UNTIL I could reach my Rep. It is interesting how they describe a hard financial time versus the rest of us.

I see a hard time as no money at all...no gas, no food. She is working on what they can do to help me since they are "in a bind" themselves. I know they are having a hard time with some financial things they are going through right now. But, I have not figured it out. Even when she says this she always is able to spend $200 a week for groceries for her family of five and go shopping on the weekend and spend another $100 or so. I don't think she can stay home the entire weekend, she needs to spend. It is an emotional things to not be able to stay home on the weekends for 48 hours and I understand this.

So, all I can do right now is sob and sob some more.

Thanks for listening.

(((bigcasper)))

We all make mistakes . That doesn't mean you did a STUPID thing.
I never liked that word stupid . Sorry , but that's me .
You say your cat is 17 . That is amazing . I'm so sorry to hear
that it is sick though , and you don't have the money to take it
to the vet. Could you maybe ask the vet if they have a payment
plan . I know some do around here , not sure about where you live.
Sorry if I couldn't be of more help to you .
Hope you find a solution to your problem.

My mind starts to shut down in the face of financial anything, so I may not correctly grasp your situation. You've been on this program since October 2008, and this is the first "hiccup?" If so, that's quite impressive. I know that's no salve for the pain, but maybe it shows how far you've come.

Priority: Cat! I like Babystep's suggestion about trying to work with a vet. That cat must mean a lot to you. Maybe you owe it to your future well-being to do all you reasonably can in the present for your furry friend.

You've started a story, Bigcasper. We're sending our hopes for a happy conclusion.

(((((bigcasper)))))) First of all you are not stupid. Your are very intelligent and your words are wise.

How did you spend money you did not have? Check? Bank card? or what?

Ideas: See if the vet will put a hold on your payment. Explain to them what is up and what has happened. If the payment has been recorded you may even talk to the bank and see if they will wave the charges. Explain to them what has happened and your illness they may work with you. We do sometimes find good people in the outside world to work with us. Not saying that they will but they might. I wish you well. Hugs for your day.

No this is no my first 'hiccup.' When I 'hiccup' I always do it up big!!

But it is just made more frustrating when I can't reach my rep when I need her the most. It isn't like I gave up all my money and have no rights to it. It is still my money, just that someone else has rights to how it is spent...that is not what I want to say, but it works.

I am sure, given my history with the vet, that I could work out a plan, but due to what I have done to my bank account, it would not be like next week that I can pay on it. It may be a month before I can recover my account and pay anyone.

The cat is a PRIORITY for me. But gas in my car is also a big priority too.

How did I spend the money I did not have? Well, first know that I assumed (we all know about that word) that I would be able to reach my rep on Monday, or at least by today (Tuesday). But this has not happened.

My computer crashed a few weeks ago. I was forced to replace it. My son in law put the purchase on his credit card...$379 for a laptop. Throught my Rep I paid him back in two payments...50% and 50%.

I had files on my hard drive of the old computer that I needed very badly for the work that I do. So, last week I sent it to the computer place to have the files retrieved. They finished the job last Thursday and I told them I would pick up the hard drive and the flash drive (where the files were placed) on Monday. So, I felt a bit obligated. Since I assumed I could reach my rep, I knew I could have the money back in the bank on Monday afternoon at the latest.

Of course, this didn't happen yesterday or today, since my rep is still not in the office.

Just a nightmare for me, but since it is not a new thing for me to do, it just amplifies the effect on me and my mental state.

Sounds like a good blog post for me, if I can find the energy to do so.

(((((bigcasper)))))

It is a miracle that I have survived thus far and I strive to help others see miracles in every day life.

((((((bigcasper)))))) I don't know how well you know your bank but I live in a small town and they know me. I guess if you can't get a hold of your rep and you are charge extra fees at the bank. See if the bank will work with you. They might and they might not. Tell them what has happened and they might - I say might - forgive the fees. I hope all this works out for you. Hugs for your day.

hi, i've worked for a vet for over 10 years so i know how bad it is when you think your pets have no help because you lack the money. 2 very good places to seek help are your local humane society, and ask about care credit for the vet you see. its a credit card but its only for vet visits. not something you could take out shopping. and another thing that a few clinics have are private benefactors(?). they don't advertise because they don't want to spend money on those who can pay for care themselves. i've seen people come in just dripping with gold rings and jewelry but have faked their way into a free spay or neuter because they 'played' the pity card. i also live in a college town where mommy and daddy only have 3 or 4 credit cards that junior can use..... and they were maxed out from beer.
p.s. i'm doing better with my mania. my doctor gave me another rx to add to my usual list on an as needed basis to help me calm down. feeling more normal. good luck