[Anony]

I've been able to control my depression pretty well for the most part for the last several months. I've had my ups and downs but eventually I've overcome most obstacles in my way. But everything took a turn for the worse within the last week.

A huge fight broke out in the family which always sends me spiraling downward. Fights in my family aren't just yelling... there's tears, heartbreaking words, and go on for days or possibly weeks. And since I'm the only one in the family that really gets along with everyone EVERYONE turns to me to talk to about their miseries. I know how important it is to have someone to talk to so I would never turn them away, but their miseries bring me down as well.

For the first time in years I actually toyed with the idea of giving up. I mean I know I never would, but it's disheartening to know that the idea even popped into my head. I know life isn't supposed to be easy but no one should have to see, hear or feel what I've seen, heard, and felt in my lifetime. I'm not just talking about fights in my family either... everything is so hard for me... just going to the store uses up all my energy... I have to mentally prepare myself to go out in public. I feel as if every single day is a new battle in a never ending war.

The saddest part though is that there's probably no one in the whole world who wants to live a good, fulfilling life more than me. I want to see my family happy for once in my life. I want to see them smile on the outside and feel the same way on the inside. I want to do something with my life... be someone. But instead of going forward we're all taking huge steps backwards and it's draining everything out of me.

Thanks for letting me rant...

Hello, Anony. Thank you for your post. You express yourself very well. Yes, life is not easy at times. Your family truly is a dilemma. You care very much about them, and are deeply affected by what goes on.

Perhaps you have some tough decisions to make? You are not responsible for the problems your family is experiencing. Having to listen to what goes on is threatening the progress you have been making. Sometimes, you have to look out for yourself first.

I do not know enough about your situation to make any specific suggestions, except one. Please do not allow your family to get in the way of the life you envision.

You are courageous and a fighter. Be good to yourself. When you are down, you might recall this quote: “Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow'.”

Please continue to post so we know how you are doing. Good luck!

[phoenix47baby]

Good post. Am concerned that you have a difficult time going out and going to the store. Are you or can you get some counseling to really look into this and why you are the one that everyone seeks out to vent their problems-

[lonegael]

((((((Anony)))))) Good posts above. I t hik this sounds like a situation that you might needsome professional help sorting out. It's probably ben developing for some time. Hope that it can quiet down some for you. Take care of yourself,dear. Huuggs.

[Rohag]

Anony:

• ...EVERYONE turns to me to talk to about their miseries.
• ...everything is so hard for me...
• ...instead of going forward we're all taking huge steps backwards and it's draining everything out of me.

TheByzantine:

• You are not responsible for the problems your family is experiencing.
• Please do not allow your family to get in the way of the life you envision.
• “Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow'.”

Thank you for entrusting us with your rant, Anony.

I agree with everyone above and especially share the concern you may be absorbing and reflecting the dysfunction of your entire family.

[lynn P.]

You recieved some very good advice form the above posters. If you're still in school I suggest speaking with a school counsellor or some other trusted adult who's not connected to your situation. You obviously have good social skills, if everyone comes to you for advice and you're never in the arguments. I agree with Rohag that you shouldn't be made to feel like you need to solve their problems or you're responsible for their happiness. You can only be responsible for your own actions. If you're old enough to live separately, it might be best for you to venture out on your own, if this is financially possible. Being around this kind of stress can truly release alot of stress hormones in your body. I hope your situation improves.